Burnt Out Flame

Boom of silence

upon night chambers call

darken the embers so slowly do fall

enter eternity with undue white mists

creeping halls surrounding raging fists

the embers call with red nighttime fire

yell her name she will hear your desire

lost love flame with eternity in white mists

losing control with rage of foe 

come hither in all of this

burnt out flame

was the one to blame

keep her sir

but give me her name

Reviews

[Just Kim]

This is pretty darn amazing, enjoyed

[Holly Mason]

that is a pretty darn amazing review*)
thank you so for reading

[Just Kim]

not a problem

[Jeff]

This is really good. It had a Poe feeling to it.

[Holly Mason]

Thank you Jeff I appreciate your kind words

[john alan willox]

boom of silence - give me her name
would love to hear you write without rhyme
perhaps because i can't or perhaps because it would give you freedom - you have the rythm and the eloquence,,, lovely none the less... just a thought

[Holly Mason]

and just a thoughts can go a long way...I have some with no rhyme -the shoes of others and a few more thank you so fine sir

[Jack...]

Ok, now I am amazed, this work Holly, says so much. It touches deep subjects and calls out those who invite the finality of it all. The last two lines gripped me and held on tight, so very cool and vivid the pictures you have painted in my mind. I am so very happy you have chosen me to be one of your friends.

[Holly Mason]

well I write so much non-sense that every once in awhile i have to show the writer that is here I thank you more then you know for your friendship and guidance I appreciate it more then you may know truly
even if I have to clean-*)

[Jack...]

Did I write clean...oops I meant to write queen.

[Holly Mason]

don't get lippy I have 4 teenage girls here getting ready to head to the mall-they can out due any of us with snappy come backs*)

[Jack...]

Oh, going to hang out with a bunch of guys and dolls?

[Holly Mason]

hopefully the Easter bunny just a photo for me-but I am sure it is well below their maturity levels*)

[Jack...]

Depends on who's wearing the costume. :)

[Holly Mason]

hey I just got that...of course I also realized this week that my youngest now 13 has curves...no muddy fingers anymore but curves-which she already knew by the way

[Dhaye]

So tragic for a relationship to end with cold hearts.. But we really can't control over one's feelings and emotions.
The last line is cool. For someone who was abandoned, why would you still ask "her name?
Keep on writing.

[Holly Mason]

the name is food for thought and where the reader chooses to take it-maybe she will bare a child,maybe she is his lover and wants the pride of last name that his wife has,maybe it is just a name -anywhere you would like to take it
thank you so for reading I truly appreciate

[Leslie Philibert]

A poem that I like, atmospheric write that keeps its theme together superbly, but I am concerned with your bio that ....this is my last year. I hope you don`t mean what I understand by this...

[Holly Mason]

It is what it is-But I am so thrilled that you have stopped by I constantly read your reviews I think you have a gift for absorbing meaning in words-sorry I just had to tell you that thank you so for reading but also like my bio-I am a writer of whim it is all different I enjoy this piece thank you for reading truly

[James Hanna-Magill]

Dear Holly

High time I popped by to say hello and have a read.

I am going to keep this unstructured - not do the usual Hanna-Magill dissection into - style, rhyme, flavour, content et al.

And to the poem:

I like its structure. You even get a visual effect if you look at the words on the page. You start your lines short and pithy, then make them longer as if yelling (indeed you use the word there) at the world before shortening them to the blunt.

Indeed the structure even follows in a way the 'boom of silence' (I like the contrast there by the way too) in your first line. The poem sounds like a bomb going off. I got used to them every day when brought up in Belfast during the height of the Trouble in the seventies. A bomb explosion starts off softly, builds to a crescendo before slipping slowly into silence again.

Its meaning is guessable, but it is as subtly covert in much the same way as the white mists to which you refer.

Lost love.

Deceit.

Stolen by another.

What's her name?

The explosion in the middle and the way you express it is so melodic and charming to my ear:

'creeping halls surrounding raging fists
the embers call with red nighttime fire
yell her name she will hear your desire'

(By the way it's 'night time' or night-time and not nighttime. But who cares? I don't. I have this awful felling all they may be able to put as epitaph on my tombstone is 'He could spell!').

By my verbose standards, this is a short review.

But then beautiful words, put together so eloquently can in the end silence me with admiration.

Your friend

James

[Holly Mason]

Thank you fine sir-her name whatever last name his wife gets to have
thank you for the night time when my computer doesn't give me a red line I tend to just keep going thank you for kind words truly

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

I agree about it having a Poe like quality and I love Poe... this is really brilliant, one of your best.

[Holly Mason]

Thank you fine sir
I went to read your new piece with/Poppy Silver but the video trapped my screen for some reason I will try again
thank you for your kind words*)

[The Rock And Roll Cowboy(REBEL WITH A CAUSE)]

Video, what video, LOL I need to check that out.

[Holly Mason]

I think it is just the way it is freezin my screen so I a*s-u-med*) it was a video
all I see is a boat bow maybe in the water

[jacob erin-cilberto]

damn i feel Poe in this...kind of an Annabelle Lee...

eerie but so engaging, so passionate..."to helen thy beauty is to me..."

good stuff, Holly.

[Holly Mason]

I thought you would grasp and enjoy this...and I am more then glad you did.
thank you for your kind words Holly