Burnt Out Flame

Boom of silence

upon night chambers call

darken the embers so slowly do fall

enter eternity with undue white mists

creeping halls surrounding raging fists

the embers call with red nighttime fire

yell her name she will hear your desire

lost love flame with eternity in white mists

losing control with rage of foe 

come hither in all of this

burnt out flame

was the one to blame

keep her sir

but give me her name

Reviews

[Paul Bell]

When the fire dies, you know she's gone.
Dousing the ashes just confirms it.
I like this.

[❤ Maggie ❤..]

Wow, Holly this was wonderful! I admire your style of writing greatly.

[Holly Mason]

thank you little song writer...*)

[❤ Maggie ❤]

You are most welcome)

[CRAIG A. THOMSON]

I hope he felt she was worth it!
And I'm sure you're better off without him!
I liked this a lot. Thanks.

[Holly Mason]

sorry I missed this review...better off without him yes but I do not want to mislead...these words just tapped off my fingertips...I have no idea where it was going but dang it sounds good*)
thank you for reading much

[CRAIG A. THOMSON]

Well done! It's great when something just pops out like that. Very convincing. Keep it up!

[Ken Simm.]

Logs falling into the embers like thoughts. You were right about this wright I do enjoy it very much. Again I see the completeness of these words. None wasted all syncopated.

[Holly Mason]

thank you fine sir truly

[Ken Simm.]

You are more than welcome once I've got my spelling sorted. I blame my keyboard

[redflutterby]

I think this might be one of my favorites. Beautiful and haunting. ;-)

[Holly Mason]

hauntingly beautiful....hope I kept you up last night*)*)*)
thank you kindly

[Augustus]

It is obviously a deep write. The opening phrase "Boom of silence" is outstanding and sets the tone very well. Then you have a series of very definite metaphors: "burnt out flame", "eternity in white mists", "embers", with one continuous theme running through them all to hold the tale together.

To be honest, I am not sure what the allegorical meaning here is, but I will share my impression nonetheless. What I see here, is the description of a woman. A woman who plays many roles. She loves, she fulfills desires, often without appropriate acknowledgement. She is a woman who gets noticed only when she is absent. We take a flame's light for granted, and only when it is "burnt out" and we are plunged into darkness do we realize how crucial a part it played.
In a male dominated world, this is not very uncommon. At least, those are my impressions.
As far as critical comments are concerned, I feel the poem is a little too abstract. I had to think very hard and read it many times to form a cohesive mental picture. And while that could be taken as a lack of reviewing skills on my part, I do believe it would become more accessible to the general audience if it were slightly more concrete.
It is a good poem nonetheless! Thank you!

[Holly Mason]

thank you truly for taking the time to read and review
I believe one of my writing layout problems is I really do write it like I want it to sound when said out loud even with broken sentences I can write meter with this thought as well punctuation gives me a problem but I am not one for it in all poetry-I like that I made you look twice think it over try to find your image for my words...and to tell you the truth you have gotten the closest to the meaning
I thank you again so truly fine sir have a super good day

[Augustus]

You're most welcome! :)
If this is your style, you should stick to it. Also, I hope you don't mind your readers coming up with interpretations that you did not have in mind while writing the poem, because that happens often with poems like yours.

[Holly Mason]

I love my poems to be wide open for interpretation
half the time I am not even sure what to make of what pours out of mind into my fingers tips *)*)*)thank you again fine sir

[Jordan Bryant]

Oh I love this! I love your use of alliteration: chambers call, enter eternity, lost love, etc. And I love the simple profundity of the last few lines. Very nice and haunting.

[Holly Mason]

thank you very much for reading*)*)*)

[poetry-kiddo alienbaba]

as always..the punch line delivers home

[Holly Mason]

home delivery=comprehension*)
thank you so glow on*)

[poetry-kiddo alienbaba]

+_+

[lee von cleef]

I love how the sparse groups can blend into a mind,Slowly gumming up all my thoughts till the world around me is gone and I am there in your page.

[Holly Mason]

my page is your page
thank you fine sir truly

[Yellow Butterfly]

I enjoyed this one holly and I love your avatar too...

[Holly Mason]

thank you so sweet butterfly...it's my yellow shirt that caught your eye*)

[Yellow Butterfly]

hahah I meant the picture avatar... lol