Dancing Poise

Arms above her head.

Soft ,white, lace, blows in the breeze.

A dancing melody.

Arms twist so gracefully.

A beautiful woman by the sea.

Flowered vale wraps her hair,

skin so light touching unfair.

Arms come down, slowly raise.

To the heavens stars she gave.

Poise of light by the battered sea.

She reaches a hand, fingers in the air.

Fluttering down through mist of care.

Her arms wrap the sky until all is dark.

Soft, white, lace, blows in the breeze.

Dancing poise is all she can be.

Reviews

[John Reese]

Hello Holly Mason,
I feel the meaning you gave to me. I know you are alive....

[Insight "MH"]

I felt sad for her when i finished reading, because she seemed to me so desperate.

[Holly Mason]

Nail on the head. Nice to meet you ,Holly

[Insight "MH"]

The pleasure is mine .

[A. H. Pinley]

I can see this take place before my very eyes. Nice work Holly!

[Holly Mason]

Thank You fine sir

[Jack...]

This is beautiful Holly. the visions it creates are huanting and mesmerizing. At one point during the poem it felt as if "her" became the moon. I really liked that alot. Nicely done my friend.

[Holly Mason]

you my friend, should be B.F.F.'s with the moon...my B.F.F. for writing would be fire and embers ..not in a torch everything way...but for some reason they touch me in words*)
thank you fine sir truly

[Jack...]

Find Frieda and my collab titled Awash in desire...there's some flames going on there. :)

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

The imagery in this piece is palpable, and deliciously so. I can picture the woman, dancing in the breeze on a windswept shore somewhere...perhaps in reality and perhaps in the mind alone. You have a way with description that is a true gift.

Suggestions...the punctuation is a bit awkward in places. I think that might be because it is not broken into stanzas and there are a lot of periods. In my humble (and certainly not supreme) opinion, if you leave this in a single stanza format, then you should lose punctuation all together, save for the necessary commas in very sparingly chosen places. That's just my opinion. Whenever I read poetry and come to a period, my mind does an extreme force stop, pause and breath before I can read the next line (probably the way I was taught to read in college), and that throws me off. I say we do away with the period all together...maybe I'll start a revolution! :)

Overall, well done.

[Holly Mason]

I am not a period person either actually I do not enjoy punctuation in poetry but some of the scholars on here have directed me this way.I thank you so much for reading and reviewing.I am exploring all forms of writing and enjoy a good clear review such as you have given.Brain dead to long I have only been writing again over the past six weeks after 20 years of blinking without thinking...thank you so again

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

Well, you're doing well. It's good to explore all of the different styles and suggestions people have to offer. When I studied poetry in college, all of the classics used scads of punctuation, but modern writing has fallen away from that a little bit, just because of the "feel" factor. It's just a personal stylistic issue.

[Emily B]

it was a joy to find words like these in my read requests . . . beautiful work

[Holly Mason]

thank you very much I do not meant to be rude but I do not read request I feel like I am intruding and other things have been happening with my account lately did you really get this in a read request?Thank you for your time

[Emily B]

no worries, someone read your words and thought I would enjoy them, such requests are a joy to find

[Holly Mason]

I did not know you could even do that one day I will get up to date until then I will truly enjoy my polyester!!hahah and thank you again for reading

[Emily B]

welcome to the cafe!

[Holly Mason]

a softer version of passing the buck*)thank you sir

[Emily B]

very much :)

[emmajoy]

This is a series of pastels, gentle scenes, slow and mystic movements .. could read and read .. love the phrase, ' Her arms wrap the sky until all is dark' and then to finish with those two last lines is a wonderfully graphic finale

[Holly Mason]

thank you waves are her music dancing poise is her grace*)

[Distant horizons]

And your words as soft and graceful as the dancers

[Holly Mason]

thank you much it was meant to be light airy dancing poise*)thank you as always for reading

[Frieda P]

This one is subtle and yet strong at the same time, not sure if I'm getting the true feel for this piece, but it seems quite dark to me, speaking closure and sadness.

[Holly Mason]

yes a little dark...must be my mood today*)thank you much for reading