Night Crawl

                                                      NIGHT CRAWL

                                It is tough being only nine, dragging my lower body across the front yard.The grass is wet with the midnight dew.My under roos ,wonder woman of course, are now soaked.I am confused but I keep going.We have to think of safety first.The Ospreys are echoing night chimes in my head.SSSHHH what is that we hear?Something is digging, making a loud racket.We have to know what the sound is,for safety.The crawl begins again.Arm over arm ,belly on the wet ground.Crawl and crawl.We have reached the end of this side of the yard.We have run into the fence.I must peek over,see what was making all that noise.I am pulled back down to the ground.Something has broken our wall of safety and it is getting closer.I love the person next to me with all my light.I do not mind fighting for false safety.

                             We head back towards the fence.Arm over arm, belly on the wet ground.I peek over, silently looking.The noise is louder now.Metal to metal hits my ears.I am pulled back down.We must choose our path carefully, I am told.We have to think this through.These could be our very last moments.I know I have school tomorrow but I do not care this person next to me is my whole world.We take a chance peeking over the fence together.I see it first.I take aim and fire, my paint gun,...pop...the enemy screeches loudly and runs off.I always feel bad about the slight hurt I cause but this person next to me needs it so.

                            We crawl back into the grass,silently fighting for safety.Arm over arm, belly on the wet ground.This will continue until the sun comes up.This may be the time we need to do this for many nights in a row.All for the safety of this family.The family that is here.The family that we have to protect.I look next to me as I crawl,I love him so.The racoon I hit with my paint gun will be fine in the morning.A slight blue mark on it's coat, nothing to serious.But my grandfather will be exhausted again tomorrow.He came home from many wars exhausted.I fight with him every night that he needs me.He is the sarge and I am a soldier.We will fight on together many years.The dreams never left him.He would tell me of so many amazing things that he had done,seen,caused.My night crawls are something I miss and always will.

                                                    For my Poppy, my only hero.

                                                                

Reviews

[Frieda P]

Wow Holly, this is impressive. Such a great tribute to your hero also. Very moving read, I love the underroo's - Wonderwoman remark, my kids used to wear them too. Extremely relatable read, other than some grammar problems & that's an easy fix, you've got a winner here! Thanks for sharing this part of your life, superb!

[Holly Mason]

grammar is my problem let me know...pretty please and at least some one recognized the skills of the greatest thing ever created-Wonder woman underroos*)thank you so for reading

[Frieda P]

Haha, you're too funny! My pleasure, always. ;-)

[Zvi the Fiddler]

NIGHT CRAWL

Night Crawl, a flash fiction piece by Holly Mason, is about a nine year old girl who is playing soldier with her grandfather. She takes this play very seriously because the grandfather needs it, and after he dies, she misses these adventures.

In these 403 words, Holly has painted an emotionally vivid picture of a young girl and her capacity for love, adventure, and imagination. My main complaint about the story is that it ended too soon. I'd like to know more about her.

There are some punctuation problems (for example, no spaces after periods, and one run-on sentence) but these are minor. All in all, this is a short story that is worth reading.

[Holly Mason]

Thank you so fine sir...and let me know about things like punctuation I did not know to leave a space with a period...I have had my mind locked for to long it is coming back quicker then I thought have only been at writing again for a little under two months so I appreciate advice truly and I was wondering how many words I used so thank you again*)

[Zvi the Fiddler]

Cconsider joining an on-line writers circle (which is different from writer's cafe because stories posted there are password protected and so not considered published). There, people will point out details like that, and others. Also, you'll find as much benefit from critiquing the works of others as you get from receiving their comments about your writing.

[Holly Mason]

this is also my first social site- I did not realize at the time that it would be social and the adjustments there for me have been huge as well-thank you again I review but tend to only go on content not the actual set up so I will try that now

[A. H. Pinley]

Nice glimpse into your world. Thank you for sharing.

[Holly Mason]

Thank you for reading much those were my favorite nights.I would hear him he would be awake but not there, I could hear him dreaming.I would wake up load the guns and we would start to crawl in the house out into the yard most days he didn't even remember and would look at me after school...have you been sleeping?you don't look like yourself get some sleep tonight and stay off of the phone.I would just smile.

[Distant horizons]

I'm sure your poppy misses you just as much. Wonderful adventurous tale, full of that thing that all nine year olds are made of.

[Holly Mason]

You know I really thought on the under roos bit someone would go dang I forgot those or the younger set would go what in the heck are those ...guess nobody loved their under roos more then me they were a favorite part of my childhood and always Wonder woman *)thank you so much for reading

[Distant horizons]

I had no idea what they were, but not due to age. Took an educated guess :-)

[Kho-San]

I like this writing style, I like being in the mind of the nine year old child, I like how you slowly made things clearer and clearer, allowing the reader to become engrossed in the story and the action as if they had been alongside the child all along.

The entire story, once I read the ending became suddenly more saddening as I had personally never met my grandpa - from my dads side anyway - and if I did I was too young to remember, and it just made me think of what could've been but never was. You have touched on a - personally - sensitive subject and I thank you for writing this, it is great.
A most touching and beautiful piece.

[Holly Mason]

thank you very much for your personal thoughts as well as your kind words

[Jack...]

Very touching Holly, and the fact that I will be a grandfather for the first time by Tuesday, makes it even more special. Why am I thinking you did this on purpose??? :)>

[Holly Mason]

hey Grandpa's are special...but it is o.k. by Tuesday so special
your family will grow and glow!!changing a boys diaper hahhah neither one of us have experience with that bet your glad you wear glasses*)

[Jack...]

I may need a full face shield.

[Holly Mason]

let's see Texas maybe soccer or LaCross maybe....what ya gonna coach?lots of hot single momma's around with that gig*)

[Jack...]

Baseball and football would be my preference. Beer drinking too, but not for a few years.

[Holly Mason]

I would think a few years...love the football and baseball I recently asked up here forgetting the weather who is their spring training team...the guy I asked just laughed The Nationals trained in my back yard gonna miss that much cheap tickets and peanuts...northern bummer oh well I did get to see a deer that was bigger then a small dog

[Jack...]

That is always fun...so who do you root for? baseball and football?

[Holly Mason]

BRONCO'S BABY-has absolutely nothing to do with Peyton although I was stoked when i had Tebow for a bit not that he is great but Gators is my college team I have loved the Bronco's since Plummer was the back as far as baseball honestly who ever was spring training in my back yard*)Nationals have been there well a few years now so I have enjoyed watching them I also like the Rays have never really thought about it but I do

[Jack...]

I am all Philadelphia...Phillies and Fly Eagles Fly

[Holly Mason]

yup keep flying I will open the door and let you out keep flying Africa is beautiful this time of year hahha

[Jack...]

Thanks, I am used to that, especially living smack dab in the heart of Dallas Cowboys country.

[Holly Mason]

Hello I am from Florida and now live in New York even though they have my Tebow believe he got traded and the funny thing they are all Steeler's fans here it is everywhere my least favorite team all over the place right down the road is a house with a steelers garage door and their damn car is yellow with steeler wrap literally wrapped the poor car

[Jack...]

My second least favorite team...the steelers

[Holly Mason]

who's the first?and I can get a Bronco mini jersey shipped your grandson will rock the colors*)

[Jack...]

The Dallas Cowboys...blue is not allowed in my house. That's ok, we already have his Eagles gear ready. :)

[Holly Mason]

I am sure you guys do...and are you absolutely sure I mean they do have those cheer leaders might want to rethink that...and I am a football queen I honestly do not think anyone ever told me Cowboys are their least favorite team usually Steelers and the Raiders I have always thought it was the team colors not sure

[Jack...]

Where I grew up in South Jersey your were taught at a very early age to hate the Dallas Cowboys, so my two daughters were taught the same thing when they were young...both are die hard Eagles fans.

[Holly Mason]

those poor girls some one should turn you in...actually I do not mind the Eagles but still it's the thought

[Jack...]

I didn't mind the Broncos until I heard John Elway's voice...it was like...hey he sounds like a little kid. :)>

[Holly Mason]

funny truly like Tyson who woulda thought

[Jack...]

Exactly