Lucky Lottery Guy

No food,no lunch and fuel tank empty.

This is where he will now have plenty.

All the days add up so quickly,

bills,pills and body so sickly.

The purchase is made, the ticket is bought.

Now watching the numbers..please pick my lot!

17-22-31-05-10    25 show up on the tube.

Oh god, oh yes those are my numbers dude!

Head to the lottery office, to cash in your claim.

Now no one will look down at you ever again.

Shopping spree as the road takes you home.

With some cash now, you will never be alone.

Mustangs,Chevy's,Yachts,and a castle.

So many things, dangling like tassels. 

Spend, spend ,spend on all of your not friends.

Parties galore, a ball is on the way!

Well now you spent it all in only 20 days.

Who will be there for you now?

All of the not friends take an exiting bow.

Gone is the castle, the yacht and cars.

No not friends they have all run far.

Looking back he thinks he has been robbed.

Little does he know he fell for the mob.

So when the numbers come up and if they are yours,

remember the blessings that come with a gold handled door.

Reviews

[Z bangbangmaxwell]

This one is so true to life... You have a great imagination and it shows in your writings.

[Holly Mason]

thank you much truly

[luviva]

how educative and how creative??
uhmm, well it can be some once upon a time millionaire who blew his own damn cash ending up in the streets tomorrow. all i can say is we should learn not to be extravagant enough.! nice write..

[Holly Mason]

well I like the idea of it creativity is a bliss *0
thank you much

[Trigorin]

Check your spelling and grammar.
You have a very nice concept here, it's just spoiled somewhat by your stilted language and all those little errors you didn't catch. I'd say go over this piece again and correct everything, and think about what sort of message you want to deliver to the reader. Ask yourself if your words are the best way to present that message or if there's a different, clearer way you could present it. I think that'll help.
Overall, this is a good effort, it just needs a little tweaking.

[Holly Mason]

very much agreed some times I would just like to come up with the concepts and hand it off...I am more of an idea giver then a spotlight taker*)Thank you so much for your help