In That Closing Hour

o' that final act (or breath)
where the permanency of darkness
usurps this weather-beaten stage
in limelight's repose, predictably
teaching life the meekness of a moment

flashing rolodex'd memories
stampede through a shrinking tunnel
doomed nostalgia of better times
fear and anxiety assisting them along
like decent pallbearers do

from oblivion's front porch
an old man, dressed in black
reaches his cold hand out for mine
and this weary spirit obliges him
destiny realized through closed eyes

give me no tears or worried brow
deific peace requires no mortal assistance
yet in my absence, steal away to her
comfort her pangs as I would, tenderly
cover her in love and light

should anyone long for me,
take great care to seek them out
those brilliant extensions of myself
i'll be in the corners of their smiles
living evermore through their laughter & charms

Author's Note

Thank you for reading. Rest up, Kobe. #8

Reviews

[LJW]

DavD must've been sitting in the back.of the Big Boy Manners class. Harsh criticism with zero acknowledgment of the overall strength of this piece is unnecessarily myopic.

In my humble opinion, is it slightly overwritten? Yes.
Is facing death at least slightly overwhelming, dramatic, emotional?
Yes.
So is not the use of " overwritten language" here fitting?
In my opinion, yes.

Read through the eyes of this reader who has recently barely avoided death and will live a reduced number of days....THIS IS EXACTLY HOW IT FEELS. Thank you for putting my darkness, pain, and ultimately my resolute acceptance of death and the concern for the one(s) I'll leave behind into glorious words.

[Travis Gibson (poetic heroics)]

He seemed a bit pointed, but thankfully I'm usually pretty unbothered. My opening is purposefully over-dramatized, as you so keenly detected. I wanted it to start with a big and finish quietly, much like life.

Whichever it is, that you are battling, I wish you strength and peace with it. You are truly walking the warrior's path.

[LJW]

Drop...
The...
Mic...

🎤

[Davidgeo]

The first stanza has too many long words.

Don't try hard to open. Try hard to finish.

Your lead in is too heavy. It f***s up the entire pace.

Open simple, work from that.

[Travis Gibson (poetic heroics)]

I can see what you mean... I was trying to make the beginning a bit more dramatic then the rest of the piece. My thinking was that the simplified language as you read would have shifted the tone a bit. Thanks for the keen eye, and honest perspective... it's most appreciated.

[Davidgeo]

You're quite the diplomat. Have you ever seen a movie called Michael Clayton? It's not relevant to this poem, my snarky review or your response to said snarky review. But I bet you would appreciate that movie.

[Ruth]

I have to say this is remarkable! Such a stunning weaving of imagery and heartfelt sentiments, the afters so tenderly thought of throughout this, death faced is often death understood I think and who doesn't wish for those left behind that they are comforted and at peace as much as they can be...wonderful poem :)

[Travis Gibson (poetic heroics)]

Thank you... Unfortunately, I have lost many dear to my heart. I no longer see death as a negative, only its timing. As you said, the comfort of those left behind indeed are my concern. I appreciate you taking the time to review and commenting on my work.

[Chris Shaw]

In these days of darkness, fear and lockdown, we are confronted with death and life's fragility on a daily basis. We can not help but confront our own mortality, and I for one am feeling less restless now my paperwork is in order and that my loved ones are aware of my wishes. I hope that when my time comes, it comes swiftly, without tearful goodbyes and that my loved ones will remember me with kindness and know that all I did for them was always with my best intentions for their well being. I hope they burn a candle for me on occasions as I have for my dearly loved and departed from time to time. This is a poignant write and I can see that it was written with Kobe in mind. May he RIP. An accomplished piece Travis, most thoughtful.

Chris

[Travis Gibson (poetic heroics)]

You speak of your loved ones so sincerely, I'm sure you will indeed have that candle. So, many forget to make sure their loved ones will be taken care of should that unfortunate moment takes us without warning. These times are indeed reminding us to be more aware of such things. Thank you for such an endearing review... It's greatly appreciated.

[Paul Bell]

Death I suppose now is daily news, in the hundreds every day to remind us how fickle life really is.
I think our own death is probably thought about, and if we've done our best in life, then that's the footprint we leave behind.

[Travis Gibson (poetic heroics)]

These current times are indeed a stark reminder of life's fragility. I wish more of us took greater care to be aware of the "footprint" we leave behind. Thank you for the review, be well.

[Einstein Noodle]

i love this work Travis! wonderful attitude on ones own death .. its brutally honest and yet makes it all OK! ;) these lines:
"fear and anxiety assisting them along
like decent pallbearers do" are incredible to me ... we fail in life to speak of death .. unwanting to face it in ourselves and others whom we love especially .. your poem nails it for me (pun not intended) the turn so positive and uplifting as thoughts remind those grieving to look for the dead in smiles and lives affected by that person in life .. we should never forget the face of our fathers ... in memory the dead are immortal as much as can be on Earth .. so glad i read this ... i would put it in me will to be read to me children when i go .. well done!
E.

[Travis Gibson (poetic heroics)]

You leave humbled, good friend... and have captured the tone and intention of this piece perfectly. Having lost my father suddenly at an early age, the aftermath of my death tends to plague me. Hopefully, somehow, someway my loved ones (especially my children) will find this comforting. Thank you for an engaging review, it's greatly appreciated.

[Einstein Noodle]

its a good thing to talk about death and dying .. no matter age .. it is our natural cycle of life .. that can get no more natural .. not something to fear nor run away from ... love and grace on ya!

[Sami Khalil]

A fitting and sad tribute to a star gone soon with an accident that shocked and impacted the millions of fans along with others. Every line is sensitive and emotional to the tone of this calamity. Your tender love is shown, your mighty pen is drawn.

[Travis Gibson (poetic heroics)]

Thank you for yet again, humbling my pen hand.

[Sami Khalil]

You are welcome sir.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i see what inspired this, but what makes it such a good poem is how universal it is.
just this week i attended a service for a dear friend's husband...gone way too soon at 43..by his own hand..
sometimes the clock strikes that hour for us...we are meant to leave when we leave.
While the carriage can still take us to the next place of residence.
excellent tribute to Kobe....and I was able to relate in another way as well...
j.

[Travis Gibson (poetic heroics)]

Thanks for the review, good friend. My condolences go to out to you as well as his loved ones. Loss like that, is never easy. I'm glad to know you found this relatable.