This is crazy man... I love this.. This is up there with some of the all time great pieces about addiction... Great work
Posted 11 Years Ago
11 Years Ago
Wow, thanks! I appreciate you leaving me with your thoughts on this piece. I will be sure to recipro.. read moreWow, thanks! I appreciate you leaving me with your thoughts on this piece. I will be sure to reciprocate the gesture.
What a powerful first piece this is on this terrible subject that is... 'Addiction'.
Words fail me right now ... sincerely how deeply moving this write is.
"I concede to hollow veins
that echo for life through death,
seeking out shadowy death dealers---
brokers of my unilateral paradise.
So, I crave the sweet,
tender kiss of the Leviathan
just once more" ~ Poetic Heroics
These few lines brought a tear to my eye.....
Alcohol and Substance Addiction IS the devil in disguise.....
Powerful powerful write PH
Posted 11 Years Ago
11 Years Ago
Thank you beyond my words can express. I'm elated that you were so moved by this piece, it truly has.. read moreThank you beyond my words can express. I'm elated that you were so moved by this piece, it truly has given this piece life and I thank you for that.
11 Years Ago
The way the world is today PH I guess we have all been touched by the damage addiction has on people.. read moreThe way the world is today PH I guess we have all been touched by the damage addiction has on people we know AND LOVE.. be it family,friends or work colleagues.
If know one understands the damage that is addiction... they should read your OUTSTANDIN poem... :O)
11 Years Ago
"*If no one* lol there I go with my typos again...
You have humbled my pen hand again! This is a close subject to me, due to having lost my older broth.. read moreYou have humbled my pen hand again! This is a close subject to me, due to having lost my older brother to his addiction. So, I can tell you, how pleased I am to know that this piece turned out so well.
11 Years Ago
From start to finish you can feel your emotions... this was raw and I am sure very difficult to writ.. read moreFrom start to finish you can feel your emotions... this was raw and I am sure very difficult to write about. It's hard to write how one feels on something as personal as this write without giving too much of away or making this about the writer. Your message is profound and clear.... so sorry for your loss...
I don't really think it could be expressed any clearer. I love the bit about the Grand Grimoire and the deal with the Devil and how the Reapers song is fleeting like the kiss of damnation. All great metaphors with powerful imagery and expression. The final line spells out the weakness plain as day, my friend. A very good write. If I could critique it at all, I would say that perhaps the form could be changed a little to allow for longer lines. Some of the lines are complete in their point in the shortened length, but some spill over into the next leaving a small loss of enjoyment, is the only way to describe it. Whereas if each line had a message all its own, so that it could be felt all its own and compounded by how it fits as part of the whole.
Thanks for such a positive review, bro. I actually wanted to format this a bit differently to keep t.. read moreThanks for such a positive review, bro. I actually wanted to format this a bit differently to keep the longer lines in better flow. I still have to play around with the editing process on this one. I was thinking to section it into 2 parts, with the final line as is. Its a work in progress, but thanks for the solid input.
11 Years Ago
Hey man, it was really great like I said before, it just needs a bit of a different format, but with.. read moreHey man, it was really great like I said before, it just needs a bit of a different format, but with regards to the content. It hit's like a spike!
'I rabidly attempt to catch
a crumbling paradise my trembling
arms have never held on to...'
The horrible reality of addiction ph - its all fools gold. As a recovering alcoholic (2 years dry) I can empathize with the whirlwind that swoops up all logic and reasoning and leaves lives in ruins.
A tumultuous write - i hope it helped to strengthen your inner fighter.
Posted 11 Years Ago
11 Years Ago
First, let me applaud your strength. I appreciate such a sincere and personal review on this piece. .. read moreFirst, let me applaud your strength. I appreciate such a sincere and personal review on this piece. It has helped my inner being, this is a subject I've avoided writing about for years. I'm thankful the product I've produced here is a potent one. No pun intended--- and I wish you continued strength with your recovery!
This is a very personal read for me, and to say I felt it to my core wouldn't be doing it justice. You wrapped your pen around this one and yanked out the guts of it....the misery echoes on the page.
The Reaper's song dwindles
as my feet touch ground,
and I rabidly attempt to catch
a crumbling paradise my trembling
arms have never held on to.
That stanza on its own could stand alone. Outstanding job, well done.
Thank you, Frieda you've humbled my writing hand yet again. Was very unsure of this piece, but this .. read moreThank you, Frieda you've humbled my writing hand yet again. Was very unsure of this piece, but this type of feedback is proving my own thoughts to be incorrect.
11 Years Ago
The absolute best poetry in my eyes is when it hits you and flips you over, either hits you square i.. read moreThe absolute best poetry in my eyes is when it hits you and flips you over, either hits you square in the eye, in the heart or rips your gut out, this did it all, yes a moving piece to say the least...
11 Years Ago
I agree with you completely. I'm thankful i was able to accomplish such a thing with this piece. I h.. read moreI agree with you completely. I'm thankful i was able to accomplish such a thing with this piece. I have to thank all of the talented writers here, whom I've been learning from... you included amongst them.
You know I thank God that I am afraid of needles. Even to be in the same room with them makes me break out in a sweat. And this is why. This is a great gritty poem - raw and real - addiction is a monster.
Such a haunting portrayal of addiction...and from what I know based upon the people who I have known that have suffered in this way, it is an apt description. Such a painful entity, is addiction; a monkey that clings to the backs of people, whispering in their ears and making them lose themselves in the process. The imagery here is quite moving, and you've struck a chord with me. Well done...
Posted 11 Years Ago
11 Years Ago
Thank you so very much, Sarah. Those caught in its grip do lose themselves. I'm glad this piece was .. read moreThank you so very much, Sarah. Those caught in its grip do lose themselves. I'm glad this piece was able to reach you on a deeper level.
Oh Travis, this piece had me shivering as I read. (3 times!) You described this horrific monster in such exquisite detail. From the needle prick, to the flying, to the slow crash landing on cold tile with the toilet and sink keeping watch. Man, this is really, really good. Have you looked into submitting this piece anywhere? It is a hard subject, yes...but I really think this is relateable to so many. (and that is a damn shame) I lost my father to addiction. The funny thing is, he was clean when he died. Complications from Hep C and liver cancer did him in. This is going in my library. Angi~
Posted 11 Years Ago
11 Years Ago
Thank you, Angi I literally am at a lost for words after reading your review of this piece. I have n.. read moreThank you, Angi I literally am at a lost for words after reading your review of this piece. I have not looked into submitting it anywhere, I'm still a bit apprehensive about the quality of my work, I guess. I remember you telling of your father, not sure if you remember, I also lost my brother to his addiction. This piece was a challenge to myself to capture the journey one travels when flirting with death to escape reality. Thank you again, for such inspiring words within your humbling review.
11 Years Ago
Seriously, Travis. You should really start looking up some literary journals. Your work has layers... read moreSeriously, Travis. You should really start looking up some literary journals. Your work has layers. This one took me on a trip to a place I couldn't imagine. The madness of it all! I remember telling about my dad. I always wanted to rage (I did, come to think of it) at him to just freakin' STOP! It is not as simple as all that. Leviathan's kiss is such sweet, sweet poison.
That it is... I wish, I had the courage to ask, or demand my bro to stop; I just pretended like he w.. read moreThat it is... I wish, I had the courage to ask, or demand my bro to stop; I just pretended like he was ok. I had faith in his strength and knew he could beat anything. Then, I watched it take him away. I learned then how alluring poison can really be. I will take your advice, and begin looking into literary journals to submit some of my work.
11 Years Ago
It is a hard thing to watch a loved one go down this road. They just can't hear us when we scream. .. read moreIt is a hard thing to watch a loved one go down this road. They just can't hear us when we scream. Please keep me posted on any progress you make while submitting, Travis.