A Good Day for a Dark Poem

one rainy afternoon

Grey clouds bullied away the sun;

rain, reigns over all.

Indoors with no room for fun,

dark thoughts begin to fall.

 

Lonliness sharply erects past denials,

demons seep from every nook.

The weight of guilt causing trials,

elated no eyes are present to look.

 

Admitted shames birth release,

closet open--- bones abound.

Relishing the moments relief...

hiding still, a sinner's crown.

 

The mood is set--- niceties retire til tomorrow.

Ink will be spilled only for neglected torment and sorrow.

Author's Note

Thank you for reading.

Reviews

[Behind blue eyes]

this is a lovely piece if writing. you really get the feelings across.

[Travis Gibson (poetic heroics)]

Thank you... I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my work.

[Ang Boyce]

I respect this poeticH. Its very hard to write under the dark clouds - can't see the ink for a start, metaphorically speaking. This touched me deeply. Write On!!
Ang.

[Travis Gibson (poetic heroics)]

Thank you, for such an impactful review. I usually don't write with such structure... i always feel i can't capture my emotion. I am glad that you were able to be moved in such a way by this piece.

[Cassie]

Whaoooo...This is excellently worded. Loved every bit of it. Thank you for sharing

[Travis Gibson (poetic heroics)]

And thank you for such a great review.

[Sirius King]

I really like the title, it sets the mood of the poem. Great rhyme and flow, and i got the "rainy day, gloomy feeling" just from reading this. Great relate-able write!

[Travis Gibson (poetic heroics)]

Thanks, bro I don't write usually write structured pieces, but it's good to know that when I do they are worth the effort.

[Sirius King]

I'm totally the opposite... when i try to write without a rhyme scheme it usually ends up being crap lol

[Travis Gibson (poetic heroics)]

lol... You're a talented writer, i'm sure you're only being your worst critic.

[Sirius King]

that might be it too lol

[ShelleyA]

A very good write about a dark mood as expressed through the character of a rain storm. Heartfelt. Imagery and descriptives are well done, painted in a way that any reader can appreciate. Flow is good; line to line transition and breaks are well done. Very nice rhythm. Nice metaphor. Rhyme is good as is the rhyme scheme. A nice mix of near rhyme and perfect feminine and masculine end line rhyme that is executed well in this piece. Good depth of feeling. You express the darkness released seen through loneliness as life's skeletons are let out for all to see... Good closing lines. Well penned. Write on!

[Travis Gibson (poetic heroics)]

Thank you so much for another great and indepth review. Not having any formal writing experience beyond my freshman year in high school, I am new to all the aspects of a poem that you've mentioned. I am glad to know, in spite of my ignorance, my ability is holding up well in the realm of writing. I thank you for educating me on these terms and will try to continue to grow.

[ShelleyA]

You're very welcome.

[Frieda P]

Amazing how the weather can have such an effect on our mood and our ink...loved the title, seemed it was all downhill from there, very gloomy, rainy day poetry indeed.

[Travis Gibson (poetic heroics)]

It was definitely a rainy day, consecutive rainy days I should say. I guess, I just need to make more friends. lol

[Frieda P]

Ha, they're just as cranky in the rain my friend.

[Travis Gibson (poetic heroics)]

Then writing it is. haha

[ANTO]

Two sides of the same coin PH - Yin and Yang. I tend not to write when I feel this way but you (and others with greater insight, i feel) let these daemons out.
Damn fine writing my friend

[Travis Gibson (poetic heroics)]

Thank you, Anto I truly appreciate such great words. Two sides of the same coins is exactly right. I try to write lighter pieces, but it never seems to come out.

[Shaun Payton]

A gloomy rainy day leads to many swirling thoughts, it always leaves time for that dreadful long day where the past meets now, it is dark and lonely and you capture the description quite well.

[Travis Gibson (poetic heroics)]

Thank you, Shaun. I appreciate the review and your kind thoughts. I'm glad to know my feelings translated well in this piece.

[Shaun Payton]

You are welcome Poetic:)

[Danielle]

I really enjoyed this gloomy, dark poem. Your use of words is wonderful, and your rhyming scheme is on point!

[Travis Gibson (poetic heroics)]

Thank you, Daniell I tend to drop the ryhme scheme thing... a lot. lol I'm glad to know that when I do give it a shot, it's at least worth the effort. I appreciate your lovely review on this piece.

[Sami Khalil]

"rain, reigns over all
indoors with no room for fun
dark thoughts begin to fall

lonliness sharply erects past denials
demons seep from every nook"
Even with the dark thoughts on rain it was relatable and lovely . Words spilled like the rain...Thank you for sharing...:)

[Travis Gibson (poetic heroics)]

Thank you for your great review, Sami. Your words are always respected and much appreciated.

[Sami Khalil]

My pleasure...Any time...:)