How Could I not know!

How many signs does it take for someone to notice
How many signs did it take for someone to notice u
I am overwhelmed with crap daily and then I see ur risk
Did u send a sign, well did u?

How come nobody was there for ur comfort?
How did we let u slip out our hands?
How did we not see ur hurt?
How could nobody understand?

Why didn't u talk to me?
If u couldn't get through to God
The block had ur back right? Possibly?
It shouldn't have been so hard.

But now that I am at where u've been 
I could see how they... we, could have missed it
I'm past the point of holding it in
And I am trying so hard to fix it

Because when we... when I, lost u, twice
To the enemy, it hurt
How could u not recognize his vice
How could my prayers not work?

So I am living for u now
Because u are not here to do it
I... we miss the way your voice use to sound
Why did u have to do it?

I don't want my friends and fam to feel the pain i feel for u
So I am trying soooo hard to keep my head up
So that even when my focus strays from God its on u
My heart still longing for ur smile and ur touch

Im strong for ur kids they're young and calm
Im strong for our friends
Im strong for ur mom
Her love never ends

Forgive me for not seeing u off
I don't know how to say goodbye
I still smell ur scent sometimes even tho its soft
And it still makes me wanna cry

Im doing this for u because I can no longer do it for me
I am no longer motivated
And the only thing I can do for my friends and family
Is spare their feelings from being jaded

This for u Harvey, RIP with love
I really didn't see it coming, I'm sorry
For u Pooh, RIP with love
My apologies, I know ur close, forgive me

U were lost to suicide
And it hurts so bad to feel this
U will never be forgotten as long as I'm alive.
This, my one and only promise.