IDon'tWantToBeMeAnymore

yup. literally what the title says.

don't ask me how I'm doing

I'll lie to you

I feel the need to hide my feelings

it's just what I do

so I'll dry my tears

you've always got me

it ain't as bad as it seems 

I can't imagine if I lost you

you mean too much to me

I'm writing paragraphs begging you not to end it all tonight

cause I know you would do the same for me right?

if our roles were reversed 

and I was fading away

you'd take my 10 reasons why

and give me a million to stay

what do you mean you can't talk right now?

I knew I was a burden

no one wants to talk when I'm really hurting

and this is why I lie

why I smile

and fake it all

being broken isn't hot to you

being depressed is a turn off

so turn it on

pretend again

that everything is ok

save the mental breakdown

save the tears

ignore the pain

wait till you're alone

so no one sees you at your worse

because the more you open up the more it f*****g hurts

Every time I open up

I know what you say

don't talk about it

it's like I'm so far gone

you think I'm insane

you said be honest 

and you just walked away

no matter what I do

it's always the same

wake up

wake up

save up 

save up

just play the part

and don't talk about it

it's the middle

of this miserable

dystopia

why is there self care

if there is no self love?

how can I remain selfless as I create more cuts?

why do they stare

like I'm a freak in a cage?

do you really think that I f*****g enjoy this pain?

don't you know that I hate it

when you press your little questions

as you kill a little piece of me

then nod your condolences

I think I'm out of my mind

and I don't want you to know

that I cut myself deep this time

because I want to let go

you say 

"Hang in there"

it sounds so easy 

and basic

and it's easy for you to say

because you already made it

I'm not strong enough to make it through another day

I'm tired of pretending that it's all ok

prove that s**t

or get out of my face

because you don't know what's in my head

or why I numb my pain away

you don't care either

so stop acting like you do

I don't have time for your little lies

so maybe you should save it

I don't need a fake

I need someone to talk to

nothing that I do for you will ever be good enough

get out of my head

you've ruined everything I love

don't want to go home

because then I'll break down

I'm dying 

but I'm trying to survive

I'm trying not to cry

I'm lying to myself when I say that everything is fine

I don't think I can take this

I can't do this anymore

what am I even fighting for?

Reviews

[Twilight]

Each verse, unleashes words of raw emotion. And, the kind of emotions which can well be captured in song lyrics. Sadly, the writer makes clear how generally popular advice; simply doesn't work for her. Or, only serves to make her feel worse. When told to "open up" or "hang in there", she feels no better off; and probably annoyed by such clichés of supposedly helpful words? Right at the very end, those final three lines - speak of utter hopelessness and despair. Whatever you do, don't give up; and hope that you keep on writing.!

[lost_poet]

Very well written, you can feel the very raw emotions behind those lovely words

[The Unknown Sith]

This is very good with raw emotion attached to it. Well written. I felt like this going through a divorce. Where everyone tells you what they would do till it happens to them. Depression is a powerful thing some don't understand....this piece is amazing...with that being said, this reads like a 5 page text message ftom an ex-girlfriend send at 3am and us dumb guys text back "k" and then we are found dead the next day.ha Sorry, I couldn't help it. Seriously this is really good work.

[Davidgeo]

There is a song by a band called Type O Negative called "I Don't Wanna Be Me" that I think you may like. I like to read stories about Peter Steele and how he treated people after he became famous on the metal scene. I would like to be like him.

[The_Ancient_Rock]

Wow, wow, wow, that is such a powerful piece.
I loved it, you did it so well.
Your last stanzas... So good.
"what am I even fighting for"
Yeah, you got that right.
Your poem touch me deeply.
Well done, take good care.
Hugs friend.
🌹