bad luck

I always find the most creative ways to destroy myself

yeah

I can tear myself down better than anyone else

I don't need you here

I don't need you here

I don't need you here

Overdosing on painkillers and ADHD meds

going crazy

it's not a easy fix

cause I'm too broken

I'm too broken

I'm too broken

hey!

come on!

just say something

oh!

Come on! 

speak out!

I'm not the type of person you just fix

I'm just trying to numb the pain

but I feel like an empty void

Who am I to talk

who am I to talk

who am I to talk

Knife to my skin

just trying to take the edge off things

everything feels better when you're bleeding

I need a quick fix

I need a quick fix

I need a quick fix

Reviews

[Twilight]

Well, that's rather like the lyrics to an intense song; bursting with energy. And, a lot of emotion behind it. Sadly, it refers to real-life trauma; in a self-referential way. So, both of those reasons help to give it more of a sense of horror. For emphasis, the writer has obviously repeated certain lines. I could appreciate that suffering which is expressed, and strong but negative emotions; which can compel someone to take self-destructive steps..

[The_Ancient_Rock]

Very intense.
I struggled with such feelings in the past so I know how difficult it can be.
We just need to go step by step, one day at a time.
And have some hope in the future.
A real poem, about real feelings.
I enjoy reading your poetry, even if it is sad sometimes.
You express yourself very well.
Good work, take good care friend.
Bright blessings.

[Re-Pete]

intensely real and disturbing.

[🍥🌸HARMO..]

Zombified spider,
I think this is a lovely poem. You and your writing never fails to remind me that I'm not alone and other people feel this way. Also about the crusty old guy beefing with teenagers, hes probably just in shock because someone who isn't a straight white man is having an option and expression emotion and they didn't do that in the back in his day (the 1600's or something) so don't take what he says into much consideration.
Xoxo,Harmony

[Green]

In reference to your actual work, I personally enjoyed it, although that’s not quite the right word. Enjoyed in the sense of when you hear a really cathartic song that you connect to. Maybe it’s my simplistic mind but I managed to grasp that it isn’t always about me. (I swear I’ll be done taking shots now).
This In particular really reads like song lyrics, I can very much hear it being sung and it will connect with many people.

[Green]

In reference to the “great in his own mind” Jay, sometimes it is best to stay silent and be thought a fool than open your mouth and remove all doubt. Unfortunately, he still hasn’t mastered that. At least he couldn’t be bothered to type an original critique of your work, that might indicate he’d actually read it. You got his standard copy and paste with a few quotes to try and gaslight you into believing otherwise. Pay him no mind, he’s hardly worth it. Not to mention that the “pages” of reviews he boasts of are non existent on any platform. On here, his work has existed for years. He has nothing recent to show for all his expertise and accomplishments. On said works he has amassed quite a number of reviews. This is true, all the best lies have some. Of course, that was easier in 2016 or so in the hey day of this site but who is concerned with details? Speaking of details, if you actually read any of these adoring reviews you’ll see something strange. Most of them are spam that remain. And there’s even a conspicuous absence of reviews despite the high number. Crazy that such a proponent of reviewing and improving would delete a seemingly large number of the reviews he’s received. And who cares if you only receive one or two QUALITY comments. Those are worth much more than any novel such a sham could be bothered to type- oh wait he doesn’t, he just pastes. I guess we should all be impressed he has that level of technical skill at his age.

[Zombified Spider]

It's still tempting to roast him tho

[JayG]

• I always find the most creative ways to destroy myself

Look at this as a reader, and ask yourself what their reaction will be to a stranger opening a conversation with "woe is me?"

• I can tear myself down better than anyone else

Uhh... are you proposing a contest? Announcing that you won one?

My point is that while this is therapy for you, and therefore useful, other than a reply of, "Uh-huh," what can this generate in a reader?

My point is that people turn to poetry to be entertained, not learn how the poet feels on the day it was written. After all, how many people woke today hoping to find out how you feel? And if you think about it, no matter how badly you feel people waking in a war zone have it a LOT worse.

If you truly want to write poetry, that's great. But they've been refining the skills of the poet for centuries. So take advantage of that. You my have lots going on in your life, but you can become a skilled poet, and instead of telling people how YOU feel, make THEM feel and care. asE. L. Doctorow puts it, “Good writing is supposed to evoke sensation in the reader. Not the fact that it’s raining, but the feeling of being rained upon.”

Try this: Read a few chapters of Mary Oliver's, A Poetry Handbook. She's a great poet and teacher, and the book is felled with things that will make you say, "Damn...why didn't I notice that, myself?

https://www.docdroid.net/7iE8fIJ/a-poetry-handbook-pdfdrivecom-pdf

If nothing else, it will take your mind off your troubles.for a while, and may give you a useful skill. It will certainly be better than writing a string of dismal damsel poems.

• I need a quick fix

I had to comment on this, because if there was a quick fix you'd have thought of it already. What you need is a plan and a timetable. Why a timetable? Because the difference between a dream and a plan is a timetable.

Hang in there,

Jay Greenstein
Articles: https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/the-grumpy-old-writing-coach/
Videos: https://www.youtube.com/@jaygreenstein3334

-----
“It ain’t what you don’t know that gets you into trouble. It’s what you know for sure that just ain’t so.”
~ Mark Twain

“Talent is cheaper than table salt. What separates the talented individual from the successful one is a lot of hard work.”
~ Stephen King

[Zombified Spider]

When you read the text before "I need a quick fix" I'm talking about self harm. Are you really that oblivious. Also I'm 15. I literally just started my sophomore year of highschool. You are like 70. Is it just me or is that messed up? Dude you're old, so retire and go. You're not my demographic b***h you're a f*****g dinosaur

[JayG]

• "I need a quick fix" I'm talking about self harm.

That's your intent, of course. But with print medium your intent doesn't make it to the page. So clarity is a necessity.

If you look up, "quick fix," in the dictionary, you'll find: "An easy remedy or solution, especially a temporary one which fails to address underlying problems."

Of course it also means a drug injection, but I gave you credit for being smarter than that.

Had I praised the work you'd have accepted that without question, as your right. How can you see yourself as fair-minded if you don't accept constructive criticism in the same way?

Someone you don't know took time they didn't have to give you, to help you become a better poet, and perhaps handle your problems —even to pointing to free resources that can improve your poetry. But your response is to lash out like my kids did when they were fifteen...like I did then, 😆

Your bio says, "Recently, I started writing poetry." But you've spent no time learning the whys and hows of a field for which they offer degree programs. Would you start wiring a house without learning the basics of that profession?

Here's the thing. If you look at my posted work, I often get multiple pages of positive comments, while you mostly get them from one or two of your friends. And the only real difference between us is that I took the time to learn HOW to write poetry.

As Sol Stein puts it:

“A writer, shy or not, needs a tough skin, for no matter how advanced one’s experience and career, expert criticism cuts to the quick, and one learns to endure and to perfect, if for no other reason than to challenge the pain-maker.”

So...try a few chapters of Mary Oliver's book, then you can tell me how useless what she has to say is —or how helpful. But childish insults? Who takes them seriously?

[Zombified Spider]

at least I actually have friends

[🍥🌸HARMONY🌸🍥]

Dear JayG,
I hate people who feel like their way of doing something is the only right way, maybe this poem didn't make YOU feel something but I'm afraid your opinion is merely an opinion. You're not the main character. Get over yourself already.
XOXO, Harmony

[JayG]

Of course the fact that I recommended a professional book on how to write poetry slipped by you. They've been refining the skills of poetry for centuries. and they offer degree programs in poetry related subjects. You figure that you can bypass learning HOW to write it and just use the book-report writing skills of school? Good luck with that.

I don't give my opinion. I tell the author what they'd hear in any course on poetry. You missed the fact that I've been writing for forty years, and have signed multiple contracts, including for poetry. And, that I owned a manuscript critiquing service, which helped more than one or two people achieve publication.

You also missed that while I don't claim to be a poet of note, I get pages of comments on my poems, while the guy complaining that I didn't praise his Dismal Damsel poem gets one or two responses.

And finally.... Isn't it amazing that you establish a brand new account, and then just happen to come to this thread to tell me you hate me?

[🍥🌸HARMONY🌸🍥]

JayG,
I don't hate you just your dumb opinion and how your acting. I don't know what you mean with the "brand new account" thing. I'm simply saying there are different ways of doing things. You dont how to start whining in reviews when you come across a poem you don't like. Once again GET OVER YOURSELF OLD MAN,
Harmony

[JayG]

• I don't know what you mean with the "brand new account" thing

Do I really have to explain the term "new?" You have no work posted, and only three "friends," all kids, one of whom who just happens to be the one who wrote this.

You live in a house that you don't have to earn the money to pay for, and have studied the skills the pros take for granted not at all. But behind the anonymity of a screen name, you throw insults and pretend to have actual knowledge of what is, and isn't poetic.

I earn the money I spend on housing; receive monthly royalties for my published writing; taught writing; have one son who's taught poetry, and has been acting for over 30 years; a daughter who's a lyricist, and a lead singer; and a second son who can play pretty much any instrument.

Yet you know so much more about writing poetry than I do, without having to have studied the profession at all.

I'm NOT a poet, and make no claim to be a great writer. But I've been published in both, and much of my posted work here, has several pages of positive comments. So...when you can match that, and stop acting like a child, perhaps I'll take you seriously.

[🍥🌸HARMONY🌸🍥]

JayG,
If you are just SOOO old and mature then why are you aruging with "children"? Doesnt seem very mature to me. Also why do you think you know so much about me? I work as a babysitter and pay for a lot of my stuff (being a minor I cant pay for my own house yet but im saving up my own money for a house when I turn 18) and I'm not "behind the anonymity of a screen name" you CLEARLY don't know as much as you think.

[🍥🌸HARMONY🌸🍥]

JayG,
I'm done trying to argue with you, its clear you think you know everything and I know you cant change someone who doesn't wanna change and my mom tells me to always be the bigger person, so here is me being the bigger person. I am done arguing with you. Have a nice day.
Harmony

[JayG]

One thing you’ll discover, is that you learn nothing from people who agree with you.

You’ll also learn that every adult you meet once sat where you do now, and felt exactly as you do. mostly, because you’re at the beginning of the learning curve.

As Mark Twain put it. “When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.

[iTryToWriteAllTheTime]

One thing that'll always be just under your nose is that there is a human behind that poem. They use words just as much as you do to communicate themselves to the world. These words are tools. You decide to communicate in such a way as to try to deter newcomers and gatekeep genre writing. You hide behind greater writers than yourself and discourage newer writers who want to share what they've created. You're a grumpy old man who needs to find some other hope for the world than tearing down people willing to share what they have made.

[JayG]

• One thing that'll always be just under your nose is that there is a human behind that poem.
read more• One thing that'll always be just under your nose is that there is a human behind that poem.

And mashed potatoes have no bones. Both are true, and both are 100% irrelevant. It's the reader and what YOUR words suggest to that reader, based on their life-experience, not your intent.

Wanting to BE a poet without the bother of having to learn to be one. is a waste of time.

Your last 10 posted poems received a TOTAL of 11 comments, most from the same few people.

My last 10 posts have a total of 291 comments, the vast majority of them positive. So...you lecture me on how to be a poet? Seriously.

Eight of those posts were poems. So if we remove the fiction, that's a score of 245 to 11 in my favor

And I'm NOT a poet. I don't claim to be. Yet because I took the time to learn the skills of poetry that you feel are unnecessary, I have 22 times as many comments.

You're angry because I commented on your poem. But you ASKED me to do that. And as they say, be careful what you wish for. It might be granted. 😆