i like this one, i forget how good kisses can be, it centered to me. oddly calming but the flow and beat keep steady. inspiration is good to you it seems,
I wish I was your favorite song..
so I could be
on your lips
in your mouth
on your tongue
and on your mind
all the day long.
this is my favorite part, i adore your imagery. a terrific piece ham-kun.
Yeah, kissing is quite amazing. With the right person, that certain embrace could make you feel so blissful that problems at that moment, are just illusions.
Anyways, when it comes to your poem, it's very sensual and well written. I enjoyed the flow, and the emotion in this piece.
lol..that ending is great!!
aaaaaaawwwwwww this is sweet
i like how you've taken kissing
and turned it into this memorable thing
i like kissing eventhough i only kiss my nieces and nephews
and not in a dirty way
but it makes me feel good to know that
their not to embarressed to give the old aunt a peck on the check
every once and a while...lol
so basically i gather that you love kissing! haha but i really enjoy how you show all the different aspects of kissing and not just the sexual nature of it. you show how kissing can brighten the day and hold your focus. you show how it can be simple and sweet or sensual and passionate. and i like the artistic value of it. the breaks and choppy read make it seem as though maybe you were losing your breath or you couldn concentrate because the kisses were messing up your thoughts. the whole scatterbrained appeal is wonderful && i agree kissing is cool! :) great work!
i like this one, i forget how good kisses can be, it centered to me. oddly calming but the flow and beat keep steady. inspiration is good to you it seems,
I wish I was your favorite song..
so I could be
on your lips
in your mouth
on your tongue
and on your mind
all the day long.
this is my favorite part, i adore your imagery. a terrific piece ham-kun.
Yes Ham, kissing is the best! and the most telling test! Great start to my Tuesday, and hopefully a kiss for you every day. Smiling at your romantic heart, Tai
I like the way you celebrate an act like kissing, showing that an act as simple as two people pressing their lips together can be much more complex than it appears. I also like the way that you can be sensual without being overly sexual; most people either can't or don't separate the two. Some people don't know the difference.
I do have a few suggestions, however.
More than pressing lips
and savoring your intentions
that taste sweet.
I would switch this:
More than pressing lips
and savoring your sweet intentions.
It's less confusing.
"Suppose" should be "supposed." Also, it should be "If I were..." rather than "If I was..."
I would also cut down on the ellipses. I know it's hard. I tend to overdo them sometimes too.
Try to condense a little because the breaks are a little confusing and distracting. I think it would flow much more smoothly if there weren't so many breaks between the lines. Group like thoughts together. Also, some lines can be combined. This would make it much more easier to read and also would help you to more clearly present your message.
Overall, you've got a good piece here. Thanks for sharing. I hope I've helped.
"I hope you live to be one hundred years old
and me a hundred minus a day
so I won't know good people like you
passed away."
DJ Phylosophy.
Hey YOU! Sorry for the absence. I'm having conection pro.. more..