Identity

Not fitting in with your own and trying to.

 

Identity

 

My speech is not so complex

or vibrant

But still…

Words get lobotomized.

Understood yes…

But I can’t express my self.

So now I feel castrated.

 

In actions

The right thing to do

Is the wrong thing to do.

When rational screams a muted,

muffled

protest.

I pretend not to hear

and do something… tactless.

 

In likes and dislikes

I down play my ‘what I likes’

in favor of ‘what you like’.

I know my taste is not your favorite.

Also not popular with the crowd held at bay.

 

Thoughts that race a mile a minute

Having seizure like ideas

because they come like that.

Still I keep them in the

Shallow end

because that’s what’s expected

from the community pool.

Drown the impossible dreams

with the good ideas

like unwanted kids

so I can have friends.

 

Abortion is the term for it.

 

Same uniform and still

I don’t fit in.

Because

Opposites don’t attract

they just cling to each other.

In short….

 

Why do I have to lie to you…

to be black?

 

No one came to my house and handed me a script

and said…

 

“Hurry up and get to wardrobe!

So you can be fitted

with the style of the day

that lasts for a minute.”

 

No one handed me a script and said…

“Hurry up!”

“Read on the way.

 Here’s the role your gonna play.”

Hmmmm….

Department Store Suspect.

I played that yesterday.

 

Afraid to deviate from your norm

I adjust to the insane.

And pretend to like simple things.

Yet the obvious outcast

Can still be the next trail blazer.

 

Cut up sentences

with new words

illegal in this house.

 

Method of thought stays in the red

Stays negative.

Always frustrated.

I wonder…

If comedians really entertain

…or preach to me how I’m supposed to be.

 

Do doves care to be eagles?

 

Do dolphins dream to be whales?

 

It’s an assumption

(I think…)

something smaller would want to be

something bigger.

My key to happiness seems to be

Just accepting me

and others

as is.

While you get bent out of shape

when someone doesn’t look

or

act like your normal, regular

view of your world..

 

If your truth gets shaken

down to cracked foundations

then…

maybe…

it’s…

not real truth

or

you need to reassess.

 

So…

 

Why do I have to lie to you…

to be me?

 

…I thought we were better than that.

 

 

 

 

Author's Note

Again...just trying to be accepted and fit in.

Reviews

[Jenny Davis]

This is REALLY relatable...it's not always color that is a barrier in terms of acceptance...for instance, I was the blonde who was obviously dumb and had nothing to offer....anyway, this is excellent....it really brings truth to the way society seems to dictate how we SHOULD be...f' that! I think there is more and more room for people who live outside the box ;)

[Crazy Cat Man]

i like this piece.........teenage years are funny aren't they? a strange hierachy. great piece on this. i can relate

[BrightEyes]

I agree with Jenny here - it isn't always color that is the barrier - it is any stereotype that society has created - building up the walls that some can't seem to tear down. I'm not a conformist by any means - and I have to admit to losing some friends because of it - yet, I don't know how to be anyone other than me - and if I can't be myself - were they really someone I want to know? excellent piece of writing.

laura

[Theta S. T.]

Stereotypes exist everywhere the only reason I was hired here at my job is because there weren't any other black people here at the time. Now there are 3 (sort of we are all bi-racial I'm just the darkest out of all of us(finally..lol) if it wasn't for "the status quo" I probably wouldn't have gotten the job. Witch they had to do a back round check on me that non of the other employees had to go through.....that's it I'm quitting my job!!!

Anyway great write

~~Theta

[Lydia Shutter]

Very expressive, HAM....too often people pin stereotypes on a person...a costume that is not one size fits all. The person who is different suffers. Even if self-identity is strong, it is difficult not belonging to any group...being the square peg trying to fit the round hole. You have explained these emotions with honesty and candor. Well written. Lydia

[Tai Chi Italy]

It is hard to be us, in a world where we feel we have to be a peg and fit every line....being a gemini on top is nightmare especially a woman, we just merge sometimes without even realising, just being and accepting the process, is all we can do. I love your rally forth write, if you practice, it gets so much easier to just be, but we all need to keep a little piece of ourselves, to ourselves....merging two as one, is my idea of perfect union, mind body and soul discovering the possibilities of being free. Nice one Ham, have a great day, Tai

[Diana Owen Busy with Li..]

i agree with Jenny Davis, It goes beyound color. as a blonde as well people just expect me to be dumb because of my hair color. This is a great poem.

[Tenten]

ok. the best piece you have ever created. this one anyone can related to, it makes me think and stills my heard away. this hit so hard, it brought tears. but its the truth and thats what is so painfully beautiful about it and heart breakingly sad aswell. there is so much i want to say about this one but none of the words seem to fit, i'm placing this on my ceiling as a reminder to 'identity'. :hugs:

[Robert Luna]

We should never have to pretend to be anything. We are who we are and that is a hard enough role to play. Not dress rehearsal. live action 27/7 365 not time to justify why I am who i am or the person that I am glad to be. we should never allow other to dictate who or what we are meant to be. I say to any that feel they have to fit into a mold. Don't you think it's getting a little crowded in there and there might be a lot more room out here where your free to be who wish to be and are meant to be. I love this piece as it speak wisdom and truth that should and does need to be heard. I end with this AMEN!!!!!!

[James K. Blaylock]

I truly loved this piece. And yes, I too have been guilty of this throughout much of my life. I've been the shy guy acting as if everything around was in fact cool... instead of fake and/or make believe.

[Zelligg]

This long and fretful struggle that twists and plummets and climbs through TIME and all these elements at least are in this piece: it rises and falls in both tone and thought; turns on a dime after a brief moment, languishes over the effort made to perfect the expression in order to conquer the feelings; comes full circle, complete, the serpent eating its own tail when, earlier you rail against the forces of social norms and expectations and at the end, the argument that lives within bursts out, exhausted from observing all the behaviors of others that don't fit your expectations for "right" behavior.

I like the ample, spacious languorous appearance too; the casual font, the freedom in your placement of the words, the space between the lines. Such a universal struggle well expressed.