Can Anybody Tell Me How To Get To California?

If it were that easy.

Can Anybody Tell Me How to Get to California?

 

Did anybody get the line change?

I think I missed the mark.

The ratings say I’m good but

I just don’t feel the part.

 

Can anybody tell me…

 how to get to California?

 

All My problems would be solved

in thirty minutes or less.

 

I’m allowing for commercials.

 

My problems

wouldn’t seem so big

in front of a live audience

on set with a laugh track

and a scripted argument

that’s guaranteed to end

in 50 seconds or less.

 

If it’s a sitcom.

 

A drama just means

more crap

I have to deal with

in an hour.

Again I allow for commercials.

 

I’d live in a house

that I couldn’t possible afford

and all the rooms

would be cut in half.

 

I’d have a best friend

with worse problems than mine

but still gets the best lines

an eventually

his own catch phrase.

 

My girlfriend would be played

 by a model

 that doesn’t know she’s pretty

yet.

And every time we’d make love

it would be behind closed doors

and

we’d have assumed sex

because that’s what you

would be led to believe.

 

It would be to the tune of

“Bow-chicka-wow-wow!”

Because that’s funny.

I wouldn’t care if it were

pop goes the weasel.

As long as there are

‘no surprises’

written into the script

everything would be cool.

 

A fantasy land

Like a big toy store.

You don’t even need a good car.

If it’s a Ferrari.

I ‘d prefer an Aston martin

But really though…

 

Can you tell me….

how to get to California?

 

All my problems only look bigger 

because they’re in 3-d

on wide screen

in thx.

 

…and not live.

 

Any good parts I want to relive

I could just buy the DVD box set.

…or boot leg.

Anyhow...

I could die dramatically and

live on in reruns

or just be in a movie

 that really reflects my life.

 

Can anybody tell me…

How to get to California?

 

 

Author's Note

On those days when I want to be somewhere else.

Reviews

[T. L. O'Neal]

This is a funny piece and I enjoyed the TV analogy that you used. If life really was like TV, we all would be in a mess. T

[Brette Medb]

Haha I liked the spin on this, it definitely made for an interesting and light hearted read. Nice work.


Brette

[Tenten]

it seems different from the your usual pieces, but i like it the flow sticks through and really lands hard, that raving on it'd be better in another place. genius piece, not your best in my eyes but one of your most creative. this ones sticking in my mind. don't go to California.

[Just Manoosh]

Oh my gosh, honey this is brilliant. What a brilliant brillaint satirical write. Did I say brilliant enough? Mx

[James K. Blaylock]

I loved this piece. But I hate how on t.v. every one of life's problems are solved so easily... and down to last second timing. Although, it'd be nice if that really happened in the real world; minus the canned laughter.

[Jayne Ann Saporito]

I love this. Especially since California is where I am, and that is whre I got my start in life. Oh, what you say here is soooooooo true, and sad and good and so many things I can't express! Great poem. When you get out here, look me up, and we will do lunch on The Boulevard.

[Angelheaded Hipster]

This is a really cool piece...I like the oft mentioned commercials....

I have to agree with you, that I would love to have a laugh track..but I don't know if I could even want to be in a sitcom, or a drama....
It would be cool, however, to be behind the screen...you know...me, scripting your lines.

[Jenny Davis]

Great concept. I have often wondered what it would be like to live inside a screen. They really do make it look easy, don't they? Nice one :)