Sunshine

 

 

Sunshine

 

I stayed in hell thinking

    I could wait it out.

   Stay busy

til it played itself out.

Then the spasm

    next the seizure

      and the lights go out.

Still nothing to write about.

   Until I think about

        my good times on the surface

           in the sun.

How I miss my sunshine.

Reviews

[Randall Richard]

this was hard for me to relate too, i got the feel for what you were portraying, but many of your images are a bit overused, which for me often makes me reflect on other, lesser pieces that i have read, and distracts me from your theme. it's not bad, but with more original, personal language it could be better. i hate to critique something so personal if it is written from personal experience, but i think you could personalise this, put a face on the body

[Deanarrlack]

An interesting poem. I enoyed this. I especially like :
Then the spasm
next the seizure and
then my lights go out.

,,,still nothing to write about.

[Aya Fayyad]

this is lovely!! i loved it !!
i really hope we find our sunshine and live by it forever!
thank you for sharing , it is absolutely lovely!!

[Jiylea]

Aww...I really liked your poem.
I could feel the pain yet be hopeful of touching the warmth of the sun again.
love,
jiy

[Rie Sheridan Rose]

I hope you find your sunshine and banish the dark for a long time...I daren't say forever. This is a strong write, and I think the common language makes it that much easier to relate to, which is a strength all its own. I am glad to see you writing again as well. :)

[Morning Song]

I too, read your tags, and anticipated a poem about epilepsy. But somehow, I'm thinking this is about so much MORE than that.

Your sun will shine again. It always does. Sometimes it's just hard to see it.

Hugs...
Jeri

[Being.john.sweet~The Ev..]

thats gotta burn...but many things do. well done..you stand out among the crowd, just dont stay swallowed up inside...peace man.

[Donald Meikle]

succintly said

[Just Manoosh]

This is brilliant, touching, artistic and kind of pretty. A great write my friend, thank you for sharing. Mx

[D . R . Marais]

funny how we only miss it when its gone haha...

[Zeva]

*hastosayit* Commas as the ellipsis...

Sorry! I know I bug you about that a lot. >.<

Otherwise, I like that it's so short but still packs a lot in.

Like everyone else, I especially loved the first few lines. =]