Bad Start

A few months ago I entered a poetry competition where the theme was sport. So I chose to write a poem about Formula One motor racing. :)

The lights are out, away we go,

A choir of angry engines roar.

The car on pole reacts too slow

From off the line and drops back four.

 

Four places, five, the rear lacks grip,

The entire field is sensing blood,

Five places, six, cold slick tyres slip

A race win is not looking good.

 

Defensive driving down the straight

Resists the screaming chasing pack

Up to turn one where braking late

Can see you slide right off the track.

 

Inside the cockpit busy hands

Negotiate the hairpin bend,

Past cheering fans that fill the stands

With flags and banners end to end.

 

And speeding through the haze of heat

Spat out from exhausts been and gone,

The car on pole rejects defeat

To those in front, the chase is on.

 

 

Reviews

[Julie McCarthy (juliesp..]

I don’t follow car or car races it’s not a gender thing I just hate the sounds of race tracks too loud but loved your poem I can smell the oil hear the engines from afar

[Toni.S]

Very nice, it sounds like you know quite a bit about race tracks and race cars.

Did you place in the writing competition?

[Adam Latham]

Thank you so much. Well, I'm a big Formula One fan so that's how I know about the cars and what happens during races. Where did I place in the competition? You know, I never heard back from the organizers so I assume I came in plumb last lol. My poem called The Pixie King placed third in an American competition a few years back... but that's the only success I've had.

[Toni.S]

Wow, well I think your writings are prize-worthy. Have you listed the Pixie King in the Writers Cafe?

[Toni.S]

I entered a contest where the writers were encouraged to scare the reader. "Think outside of the box," she requested. Well, I did just that, and the competition requester complained, and ambiguously suggested counseling.

[john l smith]

enjoyed this. I used to watch a lot of racing but lost interest when the old names faded or died
Quite a bit safer now I assume
Dave B

[barleygirl]

I have no knowledge or interest in racing, so I come to this as a blank & uninterested bystander. I feel your various images & dynamic scenes are strongly described using well-crafted rhyme & rhythm. What I don't get is a feel for the progress or lack of progress you describe in a more gut-level say . . . it feels like more of a technical depiction of close-up details of competition (what's going thru a driver's head), rather than an overall sensation stew that conveys sights, sounds, smells, etc. (stimulating the reader to evoke the feeling of "being there"). I'm not saying this is a bad thing, it's just not as compelling for me to read (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Adam Latham]

Your review is spot on. When I wrote the poem that was the aim, to put the reader inside the car. To be a participant at the start of a Formula One race and not a spectator of one. :) As for the subject matter, I must confess it isn't something that I would normally write about. It was a competition entry. I much prefer writing about pixies or trolls or things like that lol.

[Tamara Beryl Latham]

Excellent rhyme and meter, Adam. I loved the fast pace of this poem with its vivid images of the car race. You are truly talented.

Keep up the good work! :)

[Adam Latham]

You are very kind, Tamara...thank you very much for the lovely review. :)

[Tamara Beryl Latham]

You're welcome, Adam. My comments were well-deserved. :)