What No One Wants to Hear

Something spoke to me today as if we could control it, “All depression has its roots in self-pity, and all self-pity is rooted in people taking themselves too seriously." I always felt from a young age the worst possible things of myself as well as what people thought because I grew up differently than most kids. I taught myself what I know today because I had two hard working parents who wanted me to be unique and were not around most of the time to show me things and teach me. Growing up I was bullied and put down for beliefs that were not yet my own. Which created a vision of myself I would live with till I got older, living in a realm of why don't people like me? why do I feel so nervous about myself around people who don't even know me? Which brought me to self-mutilation, an addiction I would live with till I was almost going on nineteen. It was my strength, each drop of blood that trickled down my arm somehow reminded me who I was, like it could show me how to feel. How to feel nothing instead of being unaccepted. Which later I'd choose to forget and lose a year and then be thin. Finally getting the hope to wish for friends, realizing being alone has been more kind to me. Then it seems that life is just a breeze that you wish to dismiss it all together and wind up lost for 10 days with people who are clinically insane. Somehow you even feel smaller specially when your home feels far away. 

When you finally begin to heal only a few months later your thrown into a different state, with the kind of people you use to hate. Feeling like you must try a million times harder, and you begin to stutter. 

 Finally, medicine does not do the trick and the endless thoughts refuse not to tick.

Till what seems years go by and you can finally cover the ugliness, and it’s the most beautiful experience.

 

The thing is there is no reason to feel distant or hide yourself away. 

 

Self-pity only leads to years gone to waste or forgotten.

 

In the end, it only makes it harder trying to find the pieces of yourself you lost along the way.   

 

 

Reviews

[Sir Drift & Mr. Pulse]

Life is but a dream, as most say, but when in a nightmare our body choses to wake up as fast as it can. Instead I would say, face the nightmare and find the victory within it, tell your body to stay out of this fight and let your mind do the fighting, every thing can be made possible if you put the mind to its work and there, nightmares will run from you.

[Iflybyyou]

Holy s**t, is this a true story? Because it sounds as if you experienced it yourself.

[gypsynight]

Yes it was kinda a story form but yes.

[Iflybyyou]

Oh crap :( I'm sorry. It will always get better. You are a strong young woman for not letting this keep you from your passions. Just remember that for every storm, new flowers bloom.

[Coyote Poetry]

A very hard topic my friend. Two of my brothers committed suicide. One in 1988 and one in 1989. Both 20 years old. They went to a private place and hung themselves. No-one knew they were depressed and no-one knew they were scared. No goodbye note left. I believe each of us is built different. I have been always cold and direct. Nothing could stop me. My brothers fear life and born with or not. Took the easy way out. Self-pity is a another ballgame. Many great people loved with depression and in the end. Caught-up with them. I believe all of us hold depression. I do. But I leave in hidden and put away. A powerful poem my friend. Would be long conversation with many answers. I agree with you about the drugs. Drugs just weaken the spirit and create new need.
Coyote

[gypsynight]

Thanks for sharing, also i'm sorry to hear that.

[Coyote Poetry]

A long time ago. Was a lesson. I listen now and I pay attention to the people near. I learn all people were not like me. Some people need a friend, some kindness and some concern.