The Biggest Truth

Someone once said that "The reach of the human mind was strictly limited and that there was no point in taking any interest in matters beyond its capacity." This sort of comforts me and dissatisfies me all in the same. Like we cannot possibly progress to the point where we can use all of our brain, but if we could would we work like computers and act like robots?

I often think outside of the box in a general spectrum. I cannot dissolve my thoughts to a minimum, I usually get lost if I try to or my head starts aching. I always wondered how people could live so carelessly, though I understand it must feel riveting as well as scary. I walk into a room and forget exactly why I went there, half the time I wonder why go anywhere at all?

The night time wakes me up, it gives me this feeling of wanting to live, to breath easy. Most of the time I lay awake my body sinking, my heart racing, everything racing at once. Till I drift away into a sort of nervous daze, and fall into a pattern of unpleasant and bitter tasting nightmares. I wake feeling tired even though I slept ten hours, ten hours of my mind never refusing to quit. 

Crowds have never been my thing, unless intoxicated. It feels like your around a ton of strangers, then you fiddle with your hands or your taping your feet looking around at your surroundings trying to distract yourself from voices blending in and your thoughts mixing up. That's why drugs and alcohol always seemed to dull the worrying and ease the constant thoughts of silly things like leaving a straighter on or not being smart enough, simply feeling left out. Until you pushed yourself to its limit and drugs took you too a place where all you could do is hold onto the floor as million voices whispered inside your head and things just where not the way they where supposed to be.  

Something in your mind changed or perhaps you hadn't noticed what you were thinking when you thought it, or why does feeling loved feel amazing as well as a burden. Perhaps you just lack the audacity to comprehend, or your terrified to believe that this is real life this is not a dream. Even though you just want to be a child, curl up in a ball and sleep. You still continue to pretend you'll always be alright.    

Reviews

[CLBombay]

I feel like this describes my life every time I try to fall asleep at night. I literally have to do mind exercises to stop being so anxious at night and to stop having a million things go through my head. Definitely a poem that a person can relate to.
"why does feeling loved feel amazing as well as a burden" Amen. I don't really know either, but it's the truth.
Great stuff to think about.

[gypsynight]

I'm glad you can relate! Haha I do too when i'm trying to sleep because my racing thoughts get so loud that my mind is awake and my body is tired. I hear music, ringing in my ears and conversation some times it makes me so anxious that i go without sleep, it took me years to start to understand the way my thought process works, im glad you enjoyed my poem, writing has always been a outlit for my thoughts.