Twenty Four

To hold you for an hour, is my poison indeed.

To kiss your lips, a venom that I clearly need.

Whispers soft and wonderful, licking at my ear.

Your hands against my body, a burden I must bear.

Twenty four hours, just to show you my heart.

Twenty four hours, I know we must part.

To touch you in a way, I know that you desire.

To feel your flesh against me, makes internal fire.

Nothing between us, madness takes hold.

Forgiveness, I beg for being so bold.

Twenty four hours, just to show you my heart.

Twenty four hours, I know we must part.

Reviews

[zainul]

The time limit of "Twenty four hours"is very interesting.
It is less than twelve hours and includes the day beyond the night.
It seems a special time limit that is meant only for you.
Love the rhymed piece that evokes many many thoughts.

Thanks for sharing the splendid work.

[Gypsie]

Thank you so much for your review. I am happy that you enjoyed it.

[zainul]

It was really a great pleasure of mine.

[anne p. murray- LadeeAn..]

Arrgh... what we women go through searching for love. Nicely written Gypsie

[Aethereal]

I enjoyed the rhyme and story told. In the last line of your first verse perhaps you could have written:
"Your hands against my body, a burden I don’t fear."
Or perhaps:
"Your hands against my body tug at my brassiere."

[Chris]

A troubling piece to me... maybe the attention is wanted, maybe it isn't... maybe it is just a way of surviving , of accepting a punishment or just a duty to be faced. It's all in the word choice...

[A. Amos]

I really like the flow and your poetry is simply spectacular!

[Ruairidh]

This is an elegant and honest piece that speaks of how it feels to be burdened by desire. The contrasts in the first stanza set the tone well: poison, kiss, venom, whispers, burden. Tough emotion; strong & original poetry.

[Gypsie]

Thank you, I am happy you enjoyed it.

[Thomas Fitzgerald]

A touching piece that speaks to your readers, well done, good read.

[B-poet]

Very intriguing, passionate, and an emotionally charged poem. Words just can't say enough for the portrait your painting here. Great write. An interesting read. :)

[Sami Khalil]

I know you must part just to show your heart.... Well penned.

[The Watcher]

This is a very interesting and emotional poem. It has great imagery and flows well too. Beautifully written, and kudos to you.

100/100