Part ~ 1

Gilan's longing, Jude's determination...

Gilan stared at the picture of his good friend Jude. A flood of memories filled him, and he never knew how he would manage without her in his pocket. There was a scratch over it, and he supposed it must have come whilst he was unaware in his escape with his fellow comrades. She looked happier than ever on the paper, and he wondered if she was happy, wherever she was at present. He would not have been able to bear it if she was spending her tears on him and this war. One year out here, and it was the second @#!*% walking the earth. He could not be blamed for it, he had not asked to come out here, and fight in this bloody land. He’d been taken from his safety zone to be thrown in a place unknown and hostile. He wished all his might, that he might be back home a little child, kissing his parents good night and drifting off to sleep peacefully. Now, it was fear and pain all the time. It was an aching from inside, out here, with all his childhood friends. It was the only hope they had, to remain together throughout the war. Gilan thought he could remember how so many people were weeping still over the World War, and now, here they were, still fighting. Still, some things kept them going. The girls were home safe, and that comforted them most of the time, however, there were moments where they had to hold on to each other to keep from falling into the abyss of despair. There were no more laughs, no smiles spent but on those who were dying. Gilan thought they would perhaps be better spent on the leaving, but it was too hard to muster the strength to smile in the fire of cracking bullets, and the echoing of gun shots. For once, there was a bit of silence after a hard battle, and he lay with his friends, looking up at the tent’s ceiling, were it became thin and both halves joined. He wiped his brow, and turned to Cedric.

“ When do you think this mess will end ?” he asked. Cedric was sitting up, crosslegged, fingering the locket Jane had given him before departure. He shrugged, and did not even look his way. His face was bent downwards, looking at her picture which was locked in it. He ran a hand through his hair, and sighed. Albert turned toward Gil who was half sitting up half lying down.

“ Why do you always ask such ridiculous questions ?” Albert frowned at him. He didn’t look at all up for a laugh, him who used to make fun of whatever passed by, and who was the one who asked ridiculous questions. He was sitting with his knees pulled up, and his arms wound around them.

“ I don’t ask ridiculous questions. I ask what everyone wants to know.” Gilan wanted to half scoff, which he did halfheartedly. Everything was done in halves these days.

“ Which is what no one knows,” Albert sneered.

“ Cut it out guys,” Wyatt snapped. “ Don’t you think there’s enough going on like that ?”

“ Wyatt’s right. Both of you shut up, if you haven’t got anything smart to say,” Cedric added hoarsely. Gilan almost stuck his tongue out to Albert, but he didn’t, thinking that it would be foolish. He tapped his fingers on the mat he lay on, and sighed, closing his eyes, his head held up by his right hand.

“ Gilan, stop that, I’m trying to write here,” Edwin pleaded, pointing his pencil towards Gilan’s fingers.

“ What, can’t I do anything ?” He came to his feet, and thought that he would be better off outside, and unzipped the flap and jumped out, and there, he took in a deep breath, filling his lungs with the cool night air. It was so quiet for a country wreathed in the shadow of war. He thought he could even hear a weeping child not far off, but it probably was one of the seventeen years olds crying. There were some complaints from within, and a grunt was heard before anyone closed again the tent. He rolled his eyes. Sometimes, being with others could be so unbearable. But then, Gilan often did not get along with others. He took a stroll around the camp. Everything was very silent, and lights could be seen glowing through the cloth of the tent. Autumn was drawing to its close. Most trees lay naked of their leaves and bent their branches to the wind. Gilan rubbed his arms and kept walking slowly around. Someone was coming behind him. He could hear the heavy footsteps fall from the big boots all soldiers wore.

“ Won’t have many of those clear skies left in this autumn. There’s bound to be rain soon.” Cedric was always a good spoken young man. He always had kind words, and the good ideas in mind. There was not the likes of him in a billion. If he dies tomorrow, the whole world will weep his loss, Gilan could not help thinking, everytime he saw him. Cedric was the sort of boy which made friends easily, and it seemed the only whom the bitterness of war had not yet totally gnawed.

“ Fighting is not fun. I suppose it’s no better in the rain.”

“ Probably not, but that’s alright Gil. As long as we’re doing everything for a reason.”

“ And what’s our reason ?” Gil turned blurry-threatening eyes on him. There was a moment’s silence as Cedric thought. His golden hair caught the gleam of the stalight, and his blue eyes shone bright.

“ Don’t you believe in patriotism ? What about your country ?”

“ We’re not even fighting for our country, this is ‘defending’ an alliance.” Cedric didn’t add anything else, he just stared at the stars which shone in the sky. He did the right thing, for it he had said anything more, Gilan would have burst into a cry of hate and despair. They watched a moment a shooting star flashing by.

“ I’d never seen one before,” Gilan said. “ Except back in California.”

“ You might never have seen this one if you weren’t here.”

“ Well, that star better be worth a lot.” They both looked thoughtfully at it before Cedric added :

“ Yes.”

Gilan smiled at his friend and walked further on, going on the very edge of the cliff, staring over the sea, and the waves crashing against the rocks. A thought crossed his mind. It wasn’t a displeasing thought, though he knew he should not be thinking of such things. If he had to take drastic measures soon he would, and no one would stop him"or so he thought. Now he was pondering them. Such thoughts had crossed his mind of late, and at present he voiced them.

“ What if I jumped, would it hurt ?”

“ Don’t be foolish Gil. What good would that do ?”

“ Perhaps none, perhaps loads.”

“ I don’t see the positive side of it. Clarify if you would.”

“ Well, I would not be such a burden to the regiment, would I be ? I would never bother anyone in my life again, since I would have none. No one could ever complain about me, ever again.”

“ That’s not a good enough reason to jump. Besides, you’d be better off dying fighting, at least you would be honored instead of scorned for your cowardice.” That was true enough. Now that Gilan had said all of it aloud, it sounded ridicule. Perhaps that was what Albert meant when he said it was ridiculous questions he asked. He frowned at the waters down below.

“ I just wish I could go home.” Cedric lay a hand on his shoulder, and squeezed it gently. It was always good to be with friends. There was nothing better than having one at your side when you were so far away from home, in a frightening land, and that your path seemed lost to your eyes, with no more clear way.

“ So do we all. To go home, we’ll have to work together so that we can each and everyone of us get on there.”

“ I do hope it is soon.”

“ No one knows, it has already been for a while at present. I’ll promise you one thing, you’ll get home, I just know it.”

“ Safe and sound.”

“ Safe and sound,” Cedric repeated, nodding slightly his head.

 

 

April 4, 1959

 

I’m in sixth grade now. Vietnam’s going bad they say. I wonder if some war will break out. Anyway, I’m more preoccupied with smoke right now, and so are every of my friends. Everyday, there is smoke that fills New York, and it just is a pitious sight, all the teachers, well most of them, head low, with a look of despair on their faces. It’s been going on for weeks now. No one will tell us about it. In truth, we’re not really sure we should ask the teachers what is the object of such displeasure. I doubt we will ever know. Still, I attempted to ask my parents. At first, they weren’t very inclined to tell me, and tried to make me forget. They mentioned books being burned and nothing more that evening. So I had to go to bed, with smoke on my mind as the gravest matter in the world.

 

 

They came back to the tent, and went back inside. Gilan took one glance around before entering. Edwyn looked up from his journal and vaguely upturned his lips, which turned out to be more like a grimace. He closed the hard covered book and put away his pencil. He looked intently at Gilan.

“ You’re too young to be out here, aren’t you ?”

“ I wish you could say that to the officers out there, I’d ask for nothing better but go back, isn’t that what we all want ?”

“ ‘Course but I meant like, you’re younger than us all.”

“ I’m not the only one around here to be eighteen.”

“ We know that Gilan. No need to throw it in our face that we’re old gooses,” Wyatt rolled his eyes.

“ That’s not what I meant, and why don’t you stop all ganging up on the younger ones ? Why not the eldests ?”

“ Cedric’s too serious.”

“ Aren’t I serious ?”

“ No.”

“ What am I then ?”

“ Tomorrow’s letter day,” Wesley suddenly said. He wasn’t the only one who had remained silent through most of the evening. The others were probably just half asleep on their beds. Suddenly there was excited chatter running through the tent, hopes and possible disappointments were exchanged.

“ Whom are you expecting from, Gil ?” Albert asked above all the noise. Everything became silent at once. It was a dirty thing coming from Albert because Gilan not often received letters, and in fact, rarely, and most were from Jude who was back in California. The boy didn’t take it too hard and just shrugged his shoulders.

“ No one in particular really,” he replied, though in his heart, he was dearly wanting to believe that Jude had written to him. At least her letters weren’t bitter like the rare ones coming from his mother.

“ Do you think anything will come from Jane, Cedric ?”

“ She writes as often as she can. She is very taken in her work.”

“ And not well payed,” Wyatt grinned as he awakened memories in all’s mind.

“ Hey remember that time when we went for the womens’ rights strike ? I’ll remember the slap my dad gave me when I came home afterwards, he was so angry,” Earl had sat up and was chuckling.

“ I remember alright,” Peter laughed at present. “ It was so weird walking with the girls.”

“ At least we won their hearts,” Johnny smiled. Everyone laughed at that, and that was when they had to stop, because a loud explosion sounded, and not far away. There were shouts, and as something hit the ground, it trembled.

“ Get out of here,” Rick shouted. Rickey, his twin would probably have torn down the whole thing if Wyatt hadn’t been swift to unzip the entrance. We all grabbed our helmets, and our shotguns and rifles.

“ It’s raining outside,” Albert shouted, sticking his head out. “ Get your helmets on, and I suggest you do it pretty quick.” He was already out, and Gilan could not hear him anymore. There was some frantic cries out such as ‘where’s it coming from’ and ‘what am I suppose to do’.

“ You’re in the way, Gil,” Rickey shouted in his ear.

“ Shut it, keep calm,” he gritted his teeth, sprinting out, as Rickey tried to push him through.

“ Get on, all of you,” he heard Cedric shout to them all as he moved away, trying to make his way toward where the ranks were lining up behind the tanks. Bullets whizzed past his ears, and for a moment, he thought he could remember things past.

 

 

May 15^th, 1959

 

I will never quite understand what is wrong with books. My mother finally told me that they burned certain books they found in libraries, schools, everything, and my father said it was because they contained “racism and other things”. What the ‘other things’ were, they wouldn’t say, they acted as though I am a little child. I am ten, and they should take me for it, and I don’t believe in Santa anymore. I skipped a grade, so I gotta be smart. So the question what could be wrong with books stayed with me the whole time. I could not make my parents tell me more, besides, they didn’t really care about telling me anything. At night, I dreamed of books being burned. Of people cheering. Of books talking and cursing as they were thrown into the fire. I set my mind to ask the teachers tomorrow, no matter how embarassing it would be, but I had to know more. And if they wouldn’t tell me, I’d ask strangers. It was better than not having knowledge at all. So I asked most teachers about it"the less intimidating ones. Obviously, they each told me part of the truth. Mister Raymond said it was censored books that were sexually explicit. I wondered at that and went to Mister Tshakes, and asked him what censored books meant. He only told me what censored meant. Banning something. I went to see Miss Montgory who said some books were strongly opinionated about religion. Misses Oklama said that they were, “too violent, too bloody, do not include materials for children your age, and can put some bad ideas in your mind”. At lunch, I spoke with my friends about the book censorship. Actually, the whole cafeteria was buzzing with the newly fallen news. It was spread through every class by the eighth graders that we should rally to a protest. The word got round pretty quick and we walked out of class at the given time. As we sat in the yard of our school, I felt my chest swell with pride when we chanted the phrase : “Censor Censorship for Books !”

 

 

There was nothing that really could be done in the black of night without lights. There was no way of finding where the enemy was, especially if they were surrounding the camp and spread out. On the american side, everything started receding into panick. There was the leaders, evidently trying to keep it together for their fellowmen, but there was fear and there was pain. They could not even shoot blindly in the dead of night by fear of hitting a friend.

“ The heck are the lights !” Albert screamed somewhere. He was fumbling with a torch, but there was no battery it seemed. He reached inside his breeches’ pockets, looking for matches.

“ Albert ! You’re gonna get hurt if you stay here,” Gilan came to him, and grabbed his arm, pulling him toward the camp.

“ Are you plain idiot Gil ? It’s the camp they wanna destroy, and I’m not going back there !”

“ And it’s us they want to split, now get back up there, the authorities will know what to do.” Albert reluctantly followed up the small slope his friend, and grunted. They were half jogging, half running at full speed.

“ I should have hid in a cave like I planned to do when I got the governor’s letter. I should have listened to myself.”

“ Doesn’t that sound ridiculous to you ? And felt drastic remorse when you knew all your friends had come out here to die ?” Gilan cut him off. “ Now shut up and keep on the move, it’s the only way of not getting hit.”

“ Or getting hit quicker.” This was a treacherous fight, Gilan thought. They were bound to lose, in the darkness. The only thing that would save them from death would be the enemy’s lack of amunition, and even that they probably had prepared well. Either way, most of the soldiers would be dead by dawn, and the opponent would be gone at done, having had no casualties and praising themselves on it. And that was more a thought Gilan could bear.

“ If we could rally everyone…”

“ It would take forever to know if everyone was around, and the others would just be happy ‘cause all they have to do is shoot in the pack, so much less wasting of bullets. Besides, let the autorities do the work.”

“ Albert, if you’re not gonna help, go away,” Gilan shouted, as he ran through the tents, stopping at times to look inside. There were already some bodies on the ground, some dead, some badly hurt. As long as they’re on the floor, they won’t get shot again.

“ If we can get back to the ditches we made last night,” Albert started. He had to stop to keep up with Gilan. The ditches were some way west of where they stood. They could see others running the same way. Albert almost tripped over a fellow american fallen, and he continued on, picking himself up. If they trap us in the ditches, we’re dead meat for good. He caught up with Gilan, and they slowed to a jog, letting themselves glide down the side of the ditches. They hit the soft earth, and some around them helped them up. So many were there already, and there was no sight of the sergeant, but the captain was there.

“ If some are still out there, let us pray we do not hit them with our bullets,” he said. Gilan felt his heart beating faster. What if he shot a friend ? He could never live with it, even if he wasn’t certain. He could not go on knowing that he could have hit a friend. They had to shoot over the ditch anyway, it was an order, and those who did not follow it would receive severe consequences. So they shot back to the enemy, and the only sound that was heard was gunshots, grenades, and cries of agony. It carried on long, long into what should have been peaceful hours of sleep. Gilan could just see Jude, sleeping on a couch or in bed, her angel face more beautiful than ever. He missed her. His eyelids were heavy with sleep, and he wanted to lay down on the ground, close his eyes and change all of this into a dream from which he would awake back home in California, with all his friends around him, like a camp out. But he had to keep shooting without his sight, and mechanically reaching for bullets, putting them in and shooting again. That was war. Mechanical, without feeling, only deep down inside. Everything became ghostly and unreal. Everything flashed before your eyes, and you could almost feel your very soul living inside. The blood pressure intensifying was all you would hear, and the rest is just some background noise that you can’t really make out for clear. Silent prayers were said all around, some would voice them into whispers as they shot over the ditch, the words sometimes not coming out as they meant so disturbed they were. Gilan remembered a boy that he had been with when he first came into Vietnam. It was a kid his age, who hadn’t made it more than a few days out in this Asian country. He remembered the last look the kid had given him as he drifted off to somewhere else, out of the world. He had a slight upturn of lips and had just lain there with a smile on his face, frozen. At least it would not be horror that would greet the family back in America. They would be able to look upon his face and realize that their boy’s last thoughts were of them and happy moments spent here on earth. There was so much to remember, and so little that could be seen on ahead. It was something to lose hope for. Thinking of home ought to have helped the soldiers out there, but it only worsened it all, because they couldn’t think about home right. They had to see it in the future, want to get back there not to run away of the war, but to end the war. They had to see it as a reward if they gave the best of themselves. It did not mean that they had failed, did they die. Perhaps it was just a different path that they had to take. Gilan recomforted himself by remembering something that he had read once; “end ? No this is not where it ends, death is just another path, one that we all must take. The grey curtain of this world rolls back and all turns to silver glass. And then you see it. White shores and beyond. A swift sunrise into a far green country”. That isn’t so bad then, Gilan thought. If death was like this, why not go there now ? It seemed much more inviting than this land. In truth, all would let themselves if they might have known what there really was beyond life. Or was it beyond life ?

“ Gil, Albert ! We thought we had lost the both of you,” Wyatt had to shout to make himself heard above all the noise.

“ We’re fine, and you might as well shoot,” Albert replied recharching his rifle.

“ Where’s our tanks ?” Wyatt yelled.

“ To %@&! with the tanks !” Albert screamed back. “ They no use now !”

“ The enemy probably got their hands on them,” Rick added, right before extending his legs to shoot over the ditch and aim at mere darkness.

“ Forget the chat guys if you want to survive,” Gilan shouted, squatting as heat and fire exploded not far off. The sound was deafening. A roar of engines sounded not too far off.

“ I haven’t gotta life anymore,” Rick yelled back to him, and would probably have been red-faced would he have been seen. It went on for hours, the shooting, the exploding. A light rain started to fall. It was not agreeable when the drops fell into the eyes when they were trying to aim at what they thought a figure in the darkness. Headaches became frequent. Some men fell down cold and hard just by hearing a something explode a few hundred yards away. They almost were hit by a shell which detonated just a few yards off. They ducked, staying close to the dirt wall. Their faces were probably covered in brown crumbling earth and soot. Rick sat up as he had fallen with surprise. He helped himself up with the rifle he had.

“ If I catch the darn ones who did that…”

“ No threats ever become accomplished in wars,” Albert said.

“ Except those made by the President of the United States,” Wyatt added.

“ Hey listen,” Gilan said.

“ What ?” they replied.

“ It’s quiet.”

They listened for a moment. Indeed, there was silence but for the breathing men inside the pit. There was a sound of engines in the distance fading away into the night. Gilan leaned against one of the sides of the ditch, looking upwards and wiped his sweating brow. His breathing was quick. He outstretched his legs, and most around him did the same.

“ Where’s the other fellows ?”

“ At the other end, we had to cross everyone to find you two.”

“ And so a waste of time.”

“ But a safe keeping of a bit of amunition.”

“ Right.”

 

 

July 4^th, 1959

 

There’s less freedom at lunch, and the art system was abolished in school. That caused quite a stir. Jude wasn’t very happy about the art thing. I have to admit she’s the best artist I know. When I look at her drawings, I just know she can beat Van Gogh. No one believes me, and my mother just really laughs at me and just shakes her head. She skipped a grade like me, she’s very smart, but not like me. I’m very proccupied about Belen, because her mother’s in the hospital. I hope everything will turn out fine. I think my dad doesn’t love my mom anymore. Yesterday, I saw him with another lady talking at the dining room table and I suspect he likes her because they were laughing, something that hasn’t happened in ages between dad and mom. It’s very weird because mom just disappeared in one night, and when I ask dad about it, he just laughs and becomes red like a tomato. The lady’s been living with us for a while now. I don’t talk to her, not really, and she looks at me weirdly. She does look my mother, but she is so much different, not the same hairstyle, not the same makeup, not the same lipstick, not the same clothes, but I would swear it were her eyes she had. Weird. Cedric laughs at me too when I talk to him about it, but not in the same way as dad. He says that it is my mom, just that I don’t recognize her. It turns out he is right. However, I did something very bad, and the neighbors will hate me forever. I tied up their dog to a post. Not any post; the moving post, the one they call the postman. He had a bycicle, and I heard him say to the neighbors : “what a good dog you have, so good that he runs after me. I think you ought to tie him to a post though, just in case, for when I come by in the morning” and the neighbors said “of course”. I thought I was doing something right, so I went to tie the dog to the bycicle, and the postman left. Everything is not entirely my fault, because the postman should have seen the dog. He must be utterly blind. Well anyway, mom laughed at me for what she calls my “maliciousness”. I hate it when my parents always laugh at me, because when I laugh at them I get a good spanking. It isn’t fair, because I don’t give them a good spanking when they laugh at me. They ought to be more respectful.

 

 

“ They ought to be more respectful,” Rickey complained, sitting down beside Wyatt.

“ ‘Bout what ?” Rick asked his brother.

“ Our sleep. We respect theirs, don’t we ?” Rick shrugged, and got on his feet.

“ I’ll go see the Captain. They might need someone to check if everyone’s really gone and get the wounded.”

“ I’ll go along,” Albert said, scrambling to his feet as well.

“ Come back for us if there isn’t anyone. We’ll help for the wounded,” Wyatt called after them. There was a streak of light coming across the sky, on the far horizon. It was faint, for there were clouds stirring through. How weather changed quickly. A faint glimmer of dawn and no hours of sleep. Gilan was frozen, staring up at the blank view above.

“ Is there anything interesting to watch up there ?” Wyatt wondered glancing up. He stayed as Gilan for a moment. “ It sure makes you want to remain face up once you start staring.” Rickey sighed and closed his eyes, listening to Wyatt speaking.

“ I’m glad this one’s over,” he whispered. He felt a hand on his arm. He looked to see Gilan, still staring upwards squeezing his arm gently. Rickey smiled and slumped down again, and the faint pressure on his arm receded.

“ Gilan, you’re scary. Can you stop being so still ?” there was some slight alarm in Wyatt’s voice.

“ I’m not dead if that’s what you’re alluding towards,” Gilan replied, finally blinking and straightening himself against the wall of earth. He looked at Wyatt and yawned. “ I’m so tired, and if they don’t let us at least five hours of sleep, I’m never going to make it.”

“ They won’t do it again soon. They’ve tired themselves out as well I would remind you.”

“ And their amunitions.”

“ It doesn’t have the same group who attacks, and that saves them energy,” Gil said.

“ But not supplies.”

“ True enough.”

Rick and Albert were coming back towards them. Rick’s face was pale.

“ What’s wrong Rick, you look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

“ Always asking the wrong questions at the wrong time,” Albert snapped. “ We’re at war I would remind you Gil, and that means that ghosts are not rarely seen. This one was the sergeant’s and the captain’s body.”

“ Your sarcasm is greatly appreciated,” Wyatt sharply replied. “ In this time of war, there could be not better timing.”

“ What do you mean the captain and sergeant ?” Gil cut off Wyatt.

“ They’re dead. Sergeant was shot in the head in the camp, and the captain got a shell full in the chest in the ditch.”

“ What are we going to do without them ? They’re the experts, the ones who are suppose to lead us,” Rickey was full of worry.

“ Well we might as well get together the wounded, and we’ve got to keep moving.”

“ Who’s left ?”

“ Aren’t we a whole pack left ?”

“ If you take in the wounded, yes. There’s not many without a scratch or anything serious. We’re going to have a hard time.”

“ For now we’re better off in the ditch,” Albert suggested.

“ I disagree Albert. All the enemy will have to do is close in on us if we stay put here, we gotta keep away from here, in the unlikeliest of places,” Gilan glared.

“ Well that’s no big news, you always disagree. Aren’t they bound to look in the unlikeliest places if they think like you ? But, if you don’t want to stay here, what are you going to do about the wounded ?”

“ What we can. Who isn’t lame ?”

“ They’re all gathered now.”

“ Well, let’s not be left out.”

 

 

“ You don’t seem to understand much. I saw you in school yesterday, you were half dosing.”

“ Leave me alone. If I wanted to be half dosing that’s my problem not yours.”

“ Alright. I just want what’s the best for you that’s all.”

 

“ I don’t want to go out there, what’s gonna happen to me ? To us ?”

“ Ya’ll got to. Gotta play by the rules of the state, not by your own.”

“ That’s easy to say. Besides, I thought you wanted the best for me.”

“ I really do. Here though, you don’t have a choice.”

 

“ We could run away, we could hide and never come back.”

“ They would catch us. Anyway, I thought these weren’t our rules.”

 

 

 

Jude was sitting on the veranda of the house, back in California. It was a huge thing, all white and people loved just looking at it and taking pictures. Jude wasn’t rich, neither were the girls who were inside. As friends"with the boys"they had brought the place, spending almost every single penny on it. Now that they had jobs, they could live pretty well. There were the taxes, but that was alright because the boys had left aside some savings for them if ever they were in need of it. Now she was rocking back and forth, on the chair. A book was set on her lap, and she was just looking at the fading autumn, though it really did not feel like there would be any change here. She closed her eyes, thinking of the boys out east"or west"who were fighting. She tried to write to them all, but couldn’t of anything to say to them all, so she just wrote to Gilan, most of the time. He didn’t write back much, at least not as much as Cedric answered back Jane, but when he did, he sounded very sad and down. She wondered if he was receiving letters from his parents, and thought it better that she might not ask him that.

“ Hi Jude,” Jane came jogging round the corner and halted catching her breath. Jude felt certain she could do better than the men in the Olympic games at sprinting. She was quick swift and strong, and a determination glimmered in her eyes after she had been about jogging.

“ Hey. What are you up to at present ?”

“ I’m going out with the girls. They want a bit of fun. They’re always locked up in here.”

“ I know. Don’t get into too much trouble,” Jude nodded.

“ Aren’t you coming ?” Jane was stretching and was bent over her leg right before she looked up.

“ I can’t. I have too much on my mind. Ya’ll go along, I’ll stay here.”

“ It ain’t no good dwelling on memories.”

“ I’m not dwelling on memories.”

“ What are you dwelling on then ?”

“ Nothing…Just what is…”

“ Come on Jude, come with us, I would feel bad going and you staying.”

“ I’m not going to go Jane,” she replied firmly. Finally Jane gave up and went inside. Jude remained alone until Berenice tried her turn to bicker her.

“ Jude, which one do you think fits me best ?” she had two dresses, one light blue and the other dark red. They were the same model, only different colors.

“ Red suits you better; though there is your green dress…”

“ That one’s no fun if you’re gonna dance. She’s meant for something romantic !”

“ Well, for your bit of romance, you’re gonna have to wait.”

“ Always so positive Jude ! Have you ever thought about whether they never come home ?” It was irritating for Jude because Berenice took everything so lightly, did not understand the consequences. She was so naïve and ignorant.

“ No, and I don’t see the point in it.”

“ Well I’m preparing, for if Wesley never comes home, I won’t fall all over myself,” Berenice replied. “ Besides, there are loads of young men around here, and some that are rich too.” She skipped away down the veranda, greeted the other girls passing by and went back inside, giggling and laughing. Ginger and Maira came to sit on the floor of the stairs which led from the veranda to the garden. They were talking in very low tones, as though they did not wish to disturb Jude. The latter was intrigued.

“ Can I join in ?” she came to sit beside them when they approved. Ginger had tears in her lovely green eyes. “ What is wrong sweety ?” Jude asked, pushing a strand of red hair away from her face.

“ Rick apologized to Maira for me, and asked her to tell me that Rickey couldn’t write because he was hurt in the arm. He didn’t explain.”

“ Oh darling, he’s not going to die, he’ll be alright,” Jude took her within her fold and rocked her like a little baby. Maira was patting her arm, looking more distressed than ever.

“ I’m sure Rick will look out for him.”

“ Yes, listen to Maira.”

“ Well Berry says that they’re not gonna come home, all of them,” the poor girl said through sobs.

“ Don’t listen to Berenice. She’s just trying to find an excuse to forget Wesley. She wants a man but all for the wrong reasons.”

“ Aren’t you ever down Jude, not in the slightest tiniest way worried about say Gilan ?”

“ I am worried,” Jude sighed.

“ Don’t you love him ?”

“ I love him as a friend.”

“ You’re too hopeless,” Ginger laughed through her tears. “ What if he loves you ?”

“ Well then let him love me, but that does not oblige me to love him back that way, does it ?”

“ Of course not.” They were all three silent a moment. Then Maira started again : “ will you be coming tonight, Jude ?”

“ I don’t think so.”

“ You’re always cooped up in here, you ought to get some air,” Ginger straightened, pushing back her hair. “ I’m going to get a new hair cut, just for Rickey.”

“ Don’t make too much of a fuss about it, because he might like you to keep them as they are now.”

“ I know, but I’m still gonna try, and send him a picture. If he doesn’t like it, then I’ll change it again.”

“ And I’m going to buy new outfits, completely turn upside down my wardrobe. It’s time I got into the fashion !”

“ Ah you two !” Jude kissed both their foreheads, and both girls scampered away like little kids, anxious to go to the mall. Jude decided she should perhaps go back inside, and prepare for what she had. The news she had not given to the girls, and wouldn’t, not after trying to recomfort them so much. So she went up the few steps, and went across the veranda, taking one last look at the garden and beyond and went inside, to do what she must.

 

Jude was going up the stairs to her room when Jane came down taking the stairs two by two.

“ What’s that !” there was a threat in her eyes and she held up a letter.

“ Where’d you get this ? You were looking through my things,” Jude accused.

“ No it was lying on your desk and I thought it was from Gilan and I was curious. When were you going to tell ?” Jude looked around, and pushed Jane up the stairs.

“ Come on up and we’ll talk,” Jane didn’t reply and followed, they closed the door to the bedroom.

“ Since when do you have it ? Why is it addressed to you ? Why didn’t you tell us ? Why"“

“ Jane, calm down.”

“ Calm down ?! With this in my hands, I cannot calm down,” she hissed, holding up the letter again. Jude snatched the letter, and sat down.

“ Now you can.”

“ You have a lot to explain woman.”

“ Yes I have.”

“ Well ?”

“ It came in the morning Jane, and I’ve been trying so hard to help the girls believe that the boys will be coming home, I haven’t got the heart to tell them, I really don’t. Let’s leave it off till last minute, they don’t have to know, they really don’t.”

“ They do. The least you can do is be honest, if you don’t hold onto anything else.”

“ You can tell them when I’m gone.”

“ What do you mean when you’re gone ? To your grave ?”

“ Don’t be ridiculously bitter Jane. I’m leaving after ya’ll have gone to your disco.”

“ You are the one being ridiculous. And where to ? Abandoning us when there is despair ?”

“ Shut up Jane. I’ve decided that no matter what, I’ll reach Vietnam and find them.”

“ You crazed poor thing, totally out of your mind. Where’s the Jude filled with sense I once knew ?”

“ I’m here, I’m right here. But do you really want to wait and hear that your brother’s dead ? And what about Cedric ? Do you want him dead too ? Something tells me they aren’t, so we might as well try to find them, don’t you think ?”

There was silence coming from Jane. She was staring at the letter which was in Jude’s hands. When she looked up, there was determination gleaming there, like before she wins a race.

“ Then I’m going along too.”

“ Jane, no…”

“ You can’t do this alone. You’re a girl, and this is war.”

“ Who’ll comfort the girls about everything ? Who’ll"“

“ Don’t worry, Annabelle has just as high spirits and strength as you do. We can take her in on this, tell her everything. But what story are we going to make up ?”

“ We’ve abandoned them.”

“ What ?!”

“ Burn the paper, and tell them you don’t feel well.”

“ Jude, is it the right thing to do ?”

“ For me it is Jane. I just can’t sit around and wait for their deaths. We have to grow old, all of us, together, no matter how grumpy we’ll all get.”

Jane smiled, and left. Jude started folding clothes and putting them away neatly in a bag. She went downstairs and checked on everyone. Becky was showing off her new skirt to everyone. Annabelle was laughing at Berenice who turned on her heels and became moody. Maira was patting Ginger’s hair. It was a heart-breaking sight, knowing she would have to leave them. But she knew they would be safe here, she knew nothing could happen to them, and so she could go toVietnam. Find a way there, and just bring the boys home. If it already sounded hard, how much difficult it would be, when it came to accomplishing it. She simply hoped they were all alive, and would all make it to American soil as one whole and lively piece. She beckoned to Annabelle who came her way.

“ What is it, Jude ?”

“ I need to talk to you,” Jude replied. “ Upstairs.”

Author's Note

The whole thing started off as an ELA assignment when I was twelve. I was reading it over not long ago and thought I could make it in a story, I hope you like it.

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[Ray]

By the way, it probably won't follow exactly the historical events that occurred.