The Bar: Part Three - Leah

This is the third of a four-part short story about the lives and loves of four people. Each part is written from each person's point of view. This is Leah.

Tam didn’t tell me Ruby was working with him tonight.

Whoa, that’s one wide-a*s smile. I smile back, I think she’s a bit odd.

I slyly look down at myself, check that everything is looking on point. It is. Obviously.

I wouldn’t leave the house if it wasn’t. I mean, she wears those boots all the time. Go shopping once in awhile, get some concealer over those freckles, damn, I didn’t know someone could have so many. It’s not like it’s hard to take at least some pride in your appearance.

Well, maybe that’s a bit harsh, she’s always been really nice to me. I don’t know why I feel the need to take her down a peg, or two.

It can’t be jealousy, I mean, what do I have to be jealous of? Yeah, she’s clever and she knows more about things that Tam likes than me but she goes out with that guy. That guy, Jared? George? No, Josh. Have been since they were kids apparently, according to Tam.

Sucks to be her, because he is nothing on my guy.

Tam, he’s good looking, tall, uncomplicated, great in bed and gets me free drinks at the bar for me and my friends whenever I want and, let’s be real, he has me!

I had guys, still have guys, lining up. I can have anyone I want! Like that guy Chris - at least I think that was his name - last week. To be honest, I was that drunk that I can hardly remember if he was good or not, but, oh well, got the job done.

I felt a little bad about the first couple of times I slept with other guys, but Tam always works late and always comes in so tired. Sometimes, I don’t even think he’s really present. So I take my kicks where I can get them.

I still love Tam, don’t get me wrong. He is the guy I want to spend the rest of my life with. He makes me laugh and he is so great with his nieces and nephew, I know he would make an awesome dad. The only thing he needs to sort is his job - and income.

I can’t be expected to tell all my family and friends that I am marrying a bartender, for Christ sake. He definitely needs to make more money, whatever he changes his job to. I have a lifestyle to uphold, and I’ll be damned if I have to work in my 30s to maintain that. I’m a lady for f**k sake.

I know that a ring will be coming soon, maybe in the next few months. Better start updating that Pinterest board. It better be a big-a*s ring. I’m not showing off some half-carat embarrassment on my Instagram.

I’ll get my dad to get him a job in the bank he manages.

Then I’ll never have to see this sorry excuse for a bar again in my life.

I had my fun, ‘slumming it’, for a while, but I’m nearly 26. Time to get serious. Well, not too serious! I find forbidden fruit always tastes better.

Probably why I went for an unkempt bartender in the beginning - to piss off my dad.

It started out as that, but somewhere down the line I developed real, honest-to-God feelings for him.

Ruby comes over and places a tepid glass of wine in front of me.

Why is she just standing there?

Wait… Does she expect me to pay for it?!

Where is Tam?

Great, he’s out back changing a barrel.

“Just put it on Tam’s tab. He’ll deal with it when he comes back.”

I try not to bark at her, but, come on.

Oh, there she goes, looking all dejected again, like I called her a b***h straight to her face.

Loves playing the martyr that one.

Always the victim… sad, really. Pathetic even.

I couldn’t stand working with her, never mind being with her. That guy Josh must be a saint. Dealing with all of her s**t. Can’t even straighten her hair properly…

If I remember, that Josh guy is kind of cute. If she’s here, guaranteed he’ll show up.

Maybe I’ll get chatting to him, get his number…

Would be nothing better than having that in the back of my mind every time she gave me that stupid toothy smile.

Ohhh, speak of the devil, there he is!

God, he is cute. Heard he’s into football, you can tell… nice body. Dark hair, gelled up slightly.

I see him smile at Ruby, nice teeth.

I wonder what he does for a living? I’m sure Tam has told me, but I wasn’t listening. I didn’t care at the time.

I’ll finish this sorry excuse of a white zinfandel and see what he has to say.

He’s in for a wild night. But it won’t be long now!

I wish you knew, Josh...

Author's Note

Ignore the spelling and grammar. This is my first time posting my writing anywhere. I just want to get better and see what you all think. Hope you enjoy parts 1, 2 and 4. Thanks for reading

Reviews

[Chopstix]

********* Major Spoiler Alert ********* Major Spoiler Alert *********
Just as I anticipated Josh’s arrival at the bar, Leah’s interest in Josh proved predictable. In the first two sections, you established a pattern of secret desires (Thomas is with Leah but desires Ruby, Ruby is with Josh but desires Tom), so Leah’s interest in Josh merely continues the pattern and confirms secret desires as a this stories theme. Theme’s provide meaning to fiction, this is as it should be, but writer’s need to be aware that once readers pick up on a theme, they’ll anticipate story events robbing twist’s impact.

Surprisingly, Leah is your most complex character so far. Where desire drive Tom and conflicts Ruby, it rules Leah. She acts on every wiff of desire making her quite a s**t. She’s a character unaware of herself. She consider’s herself a “lady” but sleeps with men whose names she can’t remember. She enjoys free drinks as a bartender’s girlfriend, but doesn’t see herself staying with a bartender.

I confess to some confusion on this part. Leah thinks of herself as a “lady.” In America, which does have hereditary nobility, a lady is based on comporture, not title. I read this meaning in your story. Scotland still retains such titles ( I think), so she might be simply referring to her born rank in society. It should also be noted that “Tam” as a nickname for Thomas is localized to Scotland. Here in Los Angeles, it reads as a typo, and I was about to point it out, but I googled it first. Since it distracted my reading of this story (I thought Tom suddenly turned Asian) I would stick with more universal Thomas nicknames.

Narratively, this section reads well. We are clearly inside Leah’s head and it doesn’t feel cramped like Ruby’s or overly telly like Thomas. I think (because Leah is so self unaware) readers are content with Leah’s stream of thoughts because she’s revealing herself without telling us about herself. I would consider, however, take out the one line of dialog, directed to Ruby. Instead, I’d have Leah and Ruby communicate by subtle gestures. The dialog line feels out of place, and they are, after all, in a loud bar.

Formatting is still an issue. In the final draft, please add a blank like between paragraphs.

So far, desire has been a theme. Josh entered the bar, let’s see how this plays out in the final section.