The Bar: Part Two - Ruby

This is the second of a four-part short story about the lives and loves of four people. Each part is written from each person's point of view. This is Ruby.

Ughhh.

I have work in an hour, will I even be okay to drive?

I think I’m still drunk from last night. Faaaar too much tequila.

How did I get back to Josh’s?

Tom must have phoned me a taxi, I think.

You should have stayed.

No, I done the right thing. I came back to my boyfriend’s.

Is that why you lied to him about who was all there when you left?

I need to get ready for work.

Your stomach is churning, but not with dread. You checked the rota, you know he’ll be working tonight.

I just need to clear my head.

I know I have these feelings, and they haunt me. They trudge laboriously behind me like an illegal shadow, something to be concealed and ashamed of. Something to be ignored at all costs.

Tom will be working tonight, and the thought of it fills me with a breathless anxiety that sits on my chest like a disease.

I just don’t know anymore.

When Tom and I are together… I can’t stop smiling, he makes me feel like I’m worth something. A sentiment which I have not shared with myself for, what seems like, an eternity.

But I love Josh, my Josh. My childhood sweetheart, there has never been anyone else, I have never been with anyone else, there haven’t ever been feelings for anyone else, I don’t know what these are, are they normal? Does everyone have thoughts like these? Are they just better at concealing them? Surely, they can’t be.

I don’t google or ask someone else for advice because I am afraid that when the admission of these feelings leave my lips, they are out there, they are real. Real, and ready to destroy me and everything I love, the life I have built; that up until and few months ago I was prepared to be in until I died.

Why do I have to feel this way? It’s so dangerous.

Now, I have all these new wants and emotions that I don’t know if I have it in me to control anymore.

But… when I’m with Tom he makes me feel so safe, like the world could try its damnedest to wreak all the pain and havoc it could summon on me and there he would be, standing in front of it, smiling that special way he does, that smile that he uses just for me.

Why does he have to smile like that?

I’m being stupid. I have these feelings for a guy that doesn’t even feel the same way. I mean, how could he?

Look at yourself.

There is nothing, even remotely, special about you.

Josh loves you, there’s safety in that. He doesn’t always show it, but…

Anyway, he’s with Leah.

He’s actually serious with this one. She sits on the other side of the bar when he works and they hold hands…

What is it about her? What is it about her that you don’t have? What does he see in her?

That’s not fair, I don’t even know the girl. She just seems… unsuited to him.

Quiet, standoffish, cold.

I want to try with her.

You try too hard. People will see that. You are jealous.

I am not jealous.

Am I?

He can be so off with me, at times. Surely, that’s a sign that you are nothing more than friends and workmates.

Poppy and Margo tell you that they think he likes you. Maybe he does?

No, that’s ridiculous, they are just your friends, they don’t know anything about him, they don’t know how complex he is underneath. He runs deep. He hides so much, but why? His bravado that he fronts can only eclipse so much. He squirrels the real him from view, shrouded in a cape of humour and passiveness.

I check my makeup and hair and flatten out my clothes with a quick brush of my hand.

You’re doing this for him.

I just want to look my best, for tips. And Josh might come in later.

I pull the heavy mahogany door, the entrance to the beloved little hovel I will call home for the next eight hours.

Leah sits at the bar, silently.

The broad smile I give her hurts my jaw.

Stop pretending. You look like an idiot.

She smiles wryly, her face laden with effort.

I scan the the bar frantically, and there he is. Tall and rugged.

His cold, ice-blue eyes warm my heart as it sinks to the pit of my convulsing stomach.

My senses heightened, but I am relieved. So happy that I can share these hours with him.

“Hey, pretty lady.” he says, with a heart-wrenching platonic-ness.

I wish you knew, Tom.

Author's Note

Ignore the spelling and grammar. This is my first time posting my writing anywhere. I just want to get better and see what you all think. Hope you enjoy parts 1, 3 and 4. Thanks for reading

Reviews

[Chopstix]

The first part of this short segment reveals Ruby is of two minds, one for each love interest, Tom and Josh. Unfortunately, this two minds decide to talk to each other. The piece tries to use formatting, plain text and italics, to delineate Ruby’s voices. This might work but starting with “I check my makeup ...” Ruby’s narrative voice takes over. Three voices, AAARRRGGHHHHH! Ruby’s head is two crowded (plus italics violates DeepPOV witch I recommended in the previous section’s review).

Although I liked getting inside Ruby’s head, and this is pretty well written, The use of bantering dialog wore on me a little. It might have been the formatting. Perhaps by making each piece of dialog its own distinct paragraph with a clear space above and below, it won’t feel so claustrophobic. While reading the first part (before the narration), I thought that this internal conflict would be better served by a narrative device as opposed to internal dialog. I imagined Ruby making a diary entry where she edits and comments apon her own words. Any activity where editing onself will do. After encountering the start of normal first person narration, I’m convinced that something has to give. Either stick with internal dialog or find a way to convert the internal dialog to standard first person narration.

By the way, I loved the line “The broad smile I give her hurts my jaw.”

I am intrigued by Ruby’s take on the situation. If only Tom knew. By then end of the piece, Ruby, Tom and Leah are all in the same room, and Josh may join them. I want to see what happens next. So on Section 3.

[GwenLark]

Thank you again for such an in depth review. I will take your advice on board

[Chris]

We don't choose whom we love - just whom we like...