I Saw You Gazing

I saw you gazing

at the girl

in pink.

She simply loves those summer days;

when rays

pat the verdant grass

and glitter on the tranquil seas. 

When birds sing in harmony

together with the breeze.

They love

she loves such beaty--

angelic at her core.

Smiles to the sad

and offers money to the poor.

I saw you gazing 

at the girl

in pink

without a single

blink.

So you choked 

from envy

by this human 

who is filled with

light;

for you my dear

a creature

darker than the night.

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

A wonderful poem. Beauty can steal our eyes. Beautiful things make us know. We must find reasons to laugh, smile and be kind. I loved the flow of thoughts leading to the powerful ending.
Coyote

[Robert]

I would probably be looking at the girl in pink as well. Nicely done Guy.

[guy drori]

Thanks Robert :)

[MandaBear]

This poem made me jealous. lol You're such a great writer. This poem made me want to be the one looking at the girl in pink instead of that guy. Good Job!!

[guy drori]

Thank you so much for your kind words ! Appreciate it. I'm very glad you were able to relate.

[Isabel25]

I rarely get jealous, but when I do it seriously messes with my head and spoils my entire days and weeks and months. Jealousy is a real poisonous feeling and the more you try to control it the more it controls you..
I like the brevity of this piece. You have managed to make your point with minimal usage of words and they hit the mark well. Good one :)

[guy drori]

Thanks for reading and glad you were able to pick up on the details ;)

[Kshitij Srivastava]

I did see him gazing at the girl in pink....a very relatable and genuine write. Infact, i think it's one of the very best works by you. Glad that i read it : D

[guy drori]

Thank you very much... appreciate your kind words :)

[....................]

There is a reason envy is considered one of the seven deadly sins... it eats away at a person's psyche and soul until there only remains bitterness... nice use of the changing font colour...

[guy drori]

Thank you for your comment :) And I agree with you. Not only is it one of the deadly sins, but it is one of the most deadliest sins from the seven.

[....................]

you are welcome... and I agree

[Sami Khalil]

Your poems are so natural, inspiring and well penned. Another excellent one....:).....

[guy drori]

Thank you for your kind words Sami... I am happy you liked it :)

[Sami Khalil]

Yep. You are welcome.
By the way that is exactly me in the profile. A perfection alike...:)....

[Confuser]

guy drori: I don't normally look at other reviews, but I did this time, for when I read, I wished to be another yet I am me...when I read the first time; I considered you were looking at yourself, at another time; maybe a time when things were so happy and light. Upon re-reading, I see the suttle simplicity, honest and beautiful. I don't see it as dark; I see it as human nature; I like when you said "creature." It gave the reader insight into the pain, the hurt you felt; I loved the line without a blink; great visual, the entire poem flashes with gorgeous imagery. I really enjoyed it. Great work & I thank you so very much. Dale

[guy drori]

Thank you so much for your kind words ! I really appreciate it that you took the time to comment. You are right, on some level I was looking at myself when writing this poem. And I definitely agree with what you wrote concerning the fact that it is human nature. You also stated that you don't really see the poem as dark, though in my opinion, human nature is quite dark. You noticed correctly when pointing out the 'Pain' conveyed in this poem.
I am very glad you enjoyed this :)

[Confuser]

That's interesting; I think I understand what you mean re human nature...sure there's a bucket load of people with dark personalities; with this poem, and jealousy I just didn't find it. Maybe because I've never been the jealous type, ever, never. I think it's sinful, and I thank God for that at least one good character trait. I cannot "stereotype" human nature as dark...but maybe that's wishful thinking; I must believe there's good...Genetically, and for other reasons people are simply evil. Anyway....thanks. Dale

[DoormanDan]

I really like how you used the color pink to symbolize the girl that the poem is talking about, and the format you gave this poem really helps the poem standout(at least in the display department, that is). This may just be me, but I feel like there could be a very subtle dark undertone beneath the words of this piece. I don't know if I'm reading to far into it or not, but regardless, great job! :)

[guy drori]

Thank you for your comment...I appreciate it :)
I'm glad you were able to notice the details.

[Debra White]

Hi :)
Sometimes we can't stop ourselves blatantly appreciating something or someone that is beautiful..it's not always envy that causes us to do so, but awe and admiration.
I really enjoyed the angle of your poem, written from the viewpoint of the observer who knows the character of the 'gazer'. The change in font colour is effective - representing the nature of both people being observed. Nice touches of rhyme and alliteration also make your free verse interesting and enjoyable.
Kindest regards, Debra

[guy drori]

Thank you so much for your kind words ! And you are right, and I never thought about it in a way that it might sometimes be awe and admiration rather than envy. Glad you liked it Debra :)

[Debra White]

You're welcome :)