Of Hummingbird

Something nice.

I hover like an underscore above the water

watching the vapor twist to my presence.

It reminds me how fragile the air is,

and how fortunate that is for me.

Do you sometimes wish your wings could whisper?

Do I resist the urge to bury myself in your hair

because it smells like how flowers taste?

Maybe.

I can stay perched for only so long.

I know your heart beats slowly.

Having the imagination you do,

you like the way the scattered clouds in the morning

sometimes look like crayon scribbles.

I had never thought of it like that before.

You’re absolutely right.

I could learn a thing or two from you about

producing such a beautiful aura,

and in return,

I could show you how to move in any direction,

even backwards,

without fear.

Take notice the hum of my awkward.

It’s hard to keep a good composure

when my heart has beaten twelve-hundred times

in the last minute.

Don’t worry.

I’m not afraid to sing for you.

Reviews

[forevermore1218]

I like the aura you give to this poem. The only piece of advice I have for you is just to make sure you keep the same flow of rhythm going when you write a poem in this style. What I mean is make sure you're going in the same direction. In the beginning it was really poetic, but then you got a little childish when you used crayon scribbles for a simile. Then you went poetic again. Make sure you stay in the same direction. Overall this was really awesome and I think that your potential really stood out when you wrote this!

Love it :)

[joshua deathdealer]

This is a really nice poem. Well penned.

[loading...]

Art. Enough said.

[M.a. Benjamin]

Good job on this. It flows well.

[Adora.xo]

This was amazing. "Don't worry. I'm not afraid to sing for you." Your ending was punctual, it was perfect. The whole piece had this ambiance of longing, and this hovering intimacy, admiration and affection. Like ever so lightly brushing the very tips of your fingers against the very edges of the uneven blades of grass. This piece to me, seemed like that suspended moment when your breath catches.

Wonderful job love!

xoxo
Adora

[Lily Mae]

"Take notice the hum of my awkward.
It’s hard to keep a good composure
when my heart has beaten twelve-hundred times
in the last minute."

I love this.. great write..xo

[Aditi Mahajan]

The portrayal of humming bird in this poem is amazing. I have not seen humming bird except in pictures. But after reading this poem, I realized the beauty of this bird. Well done!

[Rick Puetter]

Dear GunMetal,

Hovering. So precarious. About to flit this way or the other depending on the breeze. Heart aflutter. Voice choked, but prepared to sing. Nicely painted and greatly enjoyed.

Best regards,

Rick

[victoria]

a beautiful poem

[MoriartyMesa]

You clever, clever, b*****d. Man something tells me that I give you a bottle of Jack, a guitar, amp, drummer, you would break down some Creedence Clearwater, on me. And seriously, if you aint in a band, start one brother cayuse this is CCR for a new era.


Rocking as always and what makes me jealous is I know you could turn this into a total acid rock song, think about it.

ps,
if you get big, i am a chef and can work on a tour bus