Of Hummingbird

Something nice.

I hover like an underscore above the water

watching the vapor twist to my presence.

It reminds me how fragile the air is,

and how fortunate that is for me.

Do you sometimes wish your wings could whisper?

Do I resist the urge to bury myself in your hair

because it smells like how flowers taste?

Maybe.

I can stay perched for only so long.

I know your heart beats slowly.

Having the imagination you do,

you like the way the scattered clouds in the morning

sometimes look like crayon scribbles.

I had never thought of it like that before.

You’re absolutely right.

I could learn a thing or two from you about

producing such a beautiful aura,

and in return,

I could show you how to move in any direction,

even backwards,

without fear.

Take notice the hum of my awkward.

It’s hard to keep a good composure

when my heart has beaten twelve-hundred times

in the last minute.

Don’t worry.

I’m not afraid to sing for you.

Reviews

[forevermore1218]

I like the aura you give to this poem. The only piece of advice I have for you is just to make sure you keep the same flow of rhythm going when you write a poem in this style. What I mean is make sure you're going in the same direction. In the beginning it was really poetic, but then you got a little childish when you used crayon scribbles for a simile. Then you went poetic again. Make sure you stay in the same direction. Overall this was really awesome and I think that your potential really stood out when you wrote this!

Love it :)

[Corset]

"I could show you how to move in any direction, even backwards, without fear."
This is such a phenomenal line, the entire poem is remarkable, clouds and crayon scribbles, incredible, but the last stanza and the closing two lines just floors me.

[Michael X]

wow, I loved this, captures a canvas of nature painted in poetry.

So beautiful, made me fly and the best poem I read to day so far.
Poeticly gifted, and the idea of this is mesmerizing. Worked out with so much romance. Thank you.

E.L.

[Laura Maidah]

I don't understand the prosody of the first stanza. I found the questions were not predicated. The "Maybe" line weakens the power of the previous content. "A beautiful aura" sounded a little generic for me. The full stop after "Don't stop really might be accentuated with total phonetic dissonance. It might set off your fab last line a little more.

Everything else made my day. You're quite a talent. Am hooked. Thanks for sharing.

[J. Anthony Guerrero]

Very nice write. I really enjoyed it! The only advice I could give is to go back and cut, cut, cut. It will help some alliteration and images have better emphasis if you cut out the right words and phrases. Very powerful piece already and even greater potential.

[Eve]

This is a gorgeous write, I love how you ended it, not afraid to sing for her, if we all could just be so brave.

[Leslie Philibert]

Good piece of writing, really like the line about how fragile the air is, and the hair metaphor is great too, very original. There are lots of good ideas here, a well written poem.

[The Pain Stays Fresh]

Very wistful. And nicely, written too. A great piece.

[BlackRose]

Great poem. Graceful in some way the words. Nicely put together. Make me want to be that bird.

[Ama May Cooper]

Im taken away by this piece, written with such sensativity and elegance.
The idea is beauitful i love the use of aura's in the poem i think it added the perfect effect.