Thoughts. June 8, 2010.

True Story.

The salesman

was matching his footsteps to dozens of strangers around him.

He was good at a step matching.

He had learned it from rain tapping.

Recreating the sound with his fingertips,

running at the moments he could not hold on to anymore.

Heel catching,

he stops in the middle of the steady mall stampede.

Potential customer.

Potential customer.

He sees everyone’s eyes.

Possible commission.

Split second spenders.

He relies on the pockets of strangers.

He started step matching me.

I could see it.

I know the look.

He tapped forward and said,

“Hey!-”

“Nope.”

Quick answer.

I’m good at that.

Author's Note

This was in my blog, but I figured, what the hell, I'll post it here. I haven't posted anything in a while. As always, hope you enjoy.
Note: the format looks ok on Chrome and Firefox, but on Internet Explorer it's kinda off.

Reviews

[Annette Jay Sweeney]

The format for this works just right! I think the "Hey..." may seem a little more realistic with maybe an enthusiactic, "Hey!-" and he gets cut off, but maybe I'm picturing a different salesman. Most all of us have experienced this moment, so the poem is both easy to relate to and enjoyable. Good job :).

[Natalie]

"Running at the moments he could not hold onto anymore"....I can always count on every piece of your work having a line that stands out and just glows. This, for me, was it.

[Jacqueline Lopez]

Now this I love because it's unique and the format is amazing. Beautifully written.

[A.Lee]

I like this. It has a very calm and realistic feel to it. I like the emphasis of the step-matching. Even when he's walking up to you, you say "He tapped forward". Very creative, very intriguing. Nice work.

[Anna Kay]

i really like it! and i dont think the guy should be enthused when he says "Hey!..." but i really like it. its puts you in the mind of the stealer. :D and i love the ending very funny :d nice work

[JenLyn]

This reminded me of the people at my local mall who try to chase you down to hand our Chinese food menus and coupons lol nice write. :)

[Dark Angel]

The funny thing is, anyone who's been out of the house can relate, sometimes you don't even have to do that. But sometimes it's really sad when you turn down a salesman if he's nice. Some are total jerks though. lol. I love your flow, and the imagery is really nice.

[deadly healer]

That is really cool. Thanks for sharing.

[M.a. Benjamin]

Since i work in retail i can appreciate this poem. It makes me want to snap my fingers when i read this. Nice work.

[Katie L]

this is pretty kool i like it