Thoughts. June 8, 2010.

True Story.

The salesman

was matching his footsteps to dozens of strangers around him.

He was good at a step matching.

He had learned it from rain tapping.

Recreating the sound with his fingertips,

running at the moments he could not hold on to anymore.

Heel catching,

he stops in the middle of the steady mall stampede.

Potential customer.

Potential customer.

He sees everyone’s eyes.

Possible commission.

Split second spenders.

He relies on the pockets of strangers.

He started step matching me.

I could see it.

I know the look.

He tapped forward and said,

“Hey!-”

“Nope.”

Quick answer.

I’m good at that.

Author's Note

This was in my blog, but I figured, what the hell, I'll post it here. I haven't posted anything in a while. As always, hope you enjoy.
Note: the format looks ok on Chrome and Firefox, but on Internet Explorer it's kinda off.

Reviews

[Annette Jay Sweeney]

The format for this works just right! I think the "Hey..." may seem a little more realistic with maybe an enthusiactic, "Hey!-" and he gets cut off, but maybe I'm picturing a different salesman. Most all of us have experienced this moment, so the poem is both easy to relate to and enjoyable. Good job :).

[Pritesh]

Great use of similies.You precisely charaterized a salesman.Your composition really mananged the syncronization between salesman and his surrounding.I loved the relation of rain and tapping.In a nutshell, quality work.keep writing.:-)

[Pax]

well written, enjoyed every line, great story in real life.

[Libby McKeown]

I think you perfectly captured a moment. A small moment, a small interaction, but a history of thought behind it. This is poetry in a nutshell! I really enjoyed this. This might be the first time I've smiled at something smart all week. Thanks!

[Emily B]

well written, I enjoyed the format

[Doreen]

This is different and interesting. Salesmen...hmm.....a breed all of their own. Nice work.

[Rick Puetter]

Dear GunMetal,

Yep, you got the right. You've summarised the mentality and the hunting technique of Vendolius Hominis, the human vender or modern salesman...matching footsteps, walking in time. Very amusing and observant.

Greatly enjoyed.

Best regards,

Rick

[Void Unspoken]

I agree with ANNETTE JAY SWEENEY when she said that this poem is both easy to understand and easy to relate to. It is also enjoyable and realistic and I believe that you did a good job on it (as usual). I really enjoy reading all the things that you post and I am looking forward to seeing more from you and reading more of your epic awesomeness!

[Dennis Shanaberg]

Awesome work as usual.
It's a very different feeling poem, just a short snapshot of your day. And I like it.
The description of the salesman is spot on and the way in which you describe his movement is quite original to anything I've seen before.
I personally could see this as a narrative in the middle of a film, some short monologue in the middle to break things up and give depth to this character. I don't know.
Either way. Awesome job. Keep it up.

[Mr. Darkblood]

very nice description of this scene. It made me feel like I was there. nice job :)

[JENY]

Nice poem….
You know….
Life is not a cake walk…
For a sales man….
Especially in India…
Only a few succeeds in matching his steps with strangers…..