this is a good write Gullia. disturbing but very well written indeed. as usual many great lines. strong, painful, uncomfortable imagery. definately a troubled soul. can feel the torment. a real downer. 'She is like a shadow in this world.
A chapter of her soul, no one has read yet.
A lonely soul that's allergic to other people.'
'Sadness hits her like a knife in the back at 3am.'
'her personality has become a burden.' - excellent lines. loved them. great title & pic goes so well.
Posted 7 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
7 Years Ago
Thank you so much, Pete! I always look forward to your reviews :)
Great write. Got self loathing written all through it.
Sometimes the world is not right for some people.
No matter how they try to fit in, the square just doesn't fit into the round hole.
Gullia Hi. Quite deservedly, this is getting some strong feedback, with which I can only agree. Phrasing, imagery, sense of emotional honesty. Whether or not you've been there, it feels real and desperately sad. Pass? It will evolve, for sure ....
However, in a wish to say something with a slightly different slant, I'll tell you my two favourite elements
(1) The way the title of the poem at first appears a little odd and curious, and then lo and behold it's there halfway through! Lots of folk will subconsciously heave a sigh of 'oh now I see' at that point because of the link back, and will consequently buy in even more to the content.
(2) The unresolved end. A deep breath indeed. And what next? It will pass, right? Well done for leaving the loose knots untied. It can be difficult to know where and when to stop if you're not planning a resolution - I think you made the right call to stop it pretty quickly. The reader's got it, OK.
Very nice job!
Nigel
Posted 7 Years Ago
7 Years Ago
Hi Nigel!
As always thank you so much for your thoughts on this piece :)
Yes....that's what we say...this too shall pass....this has to..I felt everything I want to say in this Poem it speaks to my soul....and the photo is so alike the poem...
Letting go has always been the hardest part....
We need to let go of those poison in our veins the love that makes us feel unworthy of us...
We are much more worthy of true love...
This storm also will pass...hang in there strong...am trying to find my place too...keep saying...all that doesn't kill us makes us stronger...
God bless you gullia
Posted 7 Years Ago
7 Years Ago
Thank you so much, Ria! Whatever you're going through, just know that you're never alone. God bless .. read moreThank you so much, Ria! Whatever you're going through, just know that you're never alone. God bless you as well and hang in there.
This poem is quiet emotional. the persona is suffering, trying to find happiness but the world she is in seems to not care about her. In our world today, a few will care about you, some may laugh at you,but they always want to dine with you,when you have achieved and made it in life...i truly dont know why this happens
Posted 7 Years Ago
7 Years Ago
You're absolutely right! I really don't know why that happens either. Thank you for reading :)
Letting go has never been my strong suit. As a matter of fact, I've went as far as including that line in a poem for all mortality, just so I'd remember how it felt. Who could ever forget "that chapter" anyway?
As I scrolled down the page, I became aware of how I didn't want this to end...and then I saw the photo...and then I felt a lump in my throat that I couldn't swallow.
This is poetry worth the read - time and time again. Hang in there, Guilla!
Posted 7 Years Ago
7 Years Ago
Thank you so much, Kelly! I'm happy and sad that this piece touched you..
Oh yes, of course this moment will pass, they always - and when we dearly want to hang on to them, we must learn to let go, and when we dearly want them to go, get out of the way, get out of our life, well, they hang around for us to take the time to swim there for a few moments, you know learn to brave the water that seems to wish to drown us, and ;earn to swim in it, for we must learn to swin in it, to swim through it right?
Posted 7 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
7 Years Ago
I've read your review a couple of times now and I wish I could save it somehow. It's words of wisdom.. read moreI've read your review a couple of times now and I wish I could save it somehow. It's words of wisdom! You're absolutely right. Thank you so much for this excellent review!
7 Years Ago
you already have saved it - taken what you need and thrown the rest away :D X