The Pitch

Trivial aspects of a love story due to certain people.

        Inside a hookah bar on a warm summer evening, The Bard and his friend sat taking in the beauty of a few waitresses.

“Will you stop sulking? Look, that waitress has been eying you.” Commented his friend.

The Bard looked up. His friend spoke the truth, she was quite voluptuous. The Bard laughed.
    “I’m not sulking, I’m just thinking.” Replied The Bard.
    “Ask her out. Hell you don’t know what will happen.”
    “You ask her out” said The Bard slightly louder than usual, “spontaneously asking hot chicks to come home with me, isn’t my thing.”
    “Then what is your thing?” The waitress had come back. “Can I get you fellas anything?”
The Bard muttered under his breath, ‘Damn’. He smiled up at the waitress.
    “Could I please get a coffee?”
    “Sure thing.” She looked over. “Anything for you?”
    “No thanks, beautiful” She blushed and walked away.
    “There you go. Into her pants, I mean.” The Bard grinned.
    “Hey, you could have said something.”
    “No, thanks I’m fine with my coffee.”
They both laughed and continued discussing gorgeous woman and planning improbable adventures of debauchery. Waist deep in work and plans of their future, they were slaves to their conversations and imaginations. As the waitress made her way back to their table The Bard stood up.
    “You going out for a smoke?” asked his friend incredulously. “We’re smoking hookah.”
    “Actually I figured I’d give you five minutes to get her number.” The Bard gave a wry smile and cocked an eyebrow. He didn’t wait for the waitress to set down his coffee and ignored her completely as he walked out the door.
    “Here is your coffee.” She looked up and noticed The Bard’s back.
    “Sorry he just went out for a smoke.”
    “You guys are at a hookah bar.” She said matter-of-factly.
    “I know, he’s an addict.”
They spent the next few minutes flirting and exchanging numbers. They shared an optimistic view on their meeting and a few other things. If The Bard was surprised that the waitress was still at the table when he came back in he didn’t show it.
    “Hey. You should stop sulking; my friend over there thinks you’re cute.” Said the waitress.
The Bard gave his friend a slightly are-you-f*****g-kidding-me look. He just shrugged back. The Bard blinked at her and let his eyes wander over her shoulder. He chuckled. Damn
    “Well I think she’s quite pretty.”
    “She just broke up with her boyfriend, is quite sad. Maybe you could fix that.”
He laughed again.
    “I’m not sure that’s healthy for either one of us.”
    “Are you kidding? Who cares?” She laughed
    “Fair enough.” She walked away to continue serving other patrons.
The Bard and his friend started talking about the other waitress and her pretty assets. The conversation became an old one about the philosophy of relationships.

“I think it would still have worked out.” Said his friend.

“Oh! What are we talking about” the waitress had come back and was eyeing The Bard suspiciously. “Not thinking about just leaving my cute friend already?”

“What?” he had no idea where she’s was coming from. “No we were talking about a friend who had a s****y time chasing this girl.”

“Oh what happened?”

“The Guy fell for a girl, pretty hard, who wasn’t attracted to him. It didn’t end well.” The Bard said, he really did not care to repeat the tired old story.

“Well did he go for her? You know some girls just need to know that you like her.”

“No, he did, but to no avail. She either wanted something more or different. Part of the problem might have been that they were friends, or that he was crazy.” She laughed, he didn’t.

“Wait seriously? You mean like clinically insane?”

“I don’t know about that, but he was insane. A bit of a split personality.”

“Wow, that’s nuts.” She said suspiciously, still uncertain if The Bard was serious.

“Exactly.”

“Well she’s a b***h if that was the only reason, she shut him down.”

“I don’t think so. I mean if you don’t like someone how’s that your fault? Besides she was at the time, interested in someone else. Ironically all three of them were friends. The Guy knew that so he didn’t really try anything. Didn’t want to ruin what he had with her.”

“Yea but what good is friendship if you want more?”

“I guess he valued it too much. Though there were times where he would seem to think he had a chance but he usually would be in one of his more psychotic states. I remember going over his apartment one day to see what was up. I heard him talking to someone about how The Girl had to have feelings for him because of a few nights. When I walked in he was in the room alone, I thought he was on his cell but it was on the desk.”

“That is weird, but if The Guy thought The Girl had feelings for him, why not just tell her he likes her?”

“Well he did but this was after he told her and they came to a mutually exclusive agreement that she did not see him that way.”

“Wait so what made him think that she might like him?” The pretty waitress had shown up. The Bard welcomed her question, her as well.

“Well it was a product of his conversations he had with himself, and also this Danish fellow. He was the one who actually informed The Guy that he had feelings for The Girl.” Pause. Confused looks. “Yea…he had no clue originally.”

“Seriously? How the hell could he not know?”

“I don’t know. He was just oblivious about it. I know he simply didn’t want to scare her off, and he would have too if she didn’t stick around.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well once the whole thing came out into the open, the two of them continued to be friends and dealt with his feelings. He was just glad she didn’t walk away. But soon after he somehow convinced himself that there might be hope. Right around that time she started going out with another guy. This brought on the harsh reality once again, at which point he became angry and was crushed.”

“Wait was this the first guy, the third friend or something?” asked the first waitress.

“No this was Thing 2.”

“Well I can’t see how he got his hopes up out of nowhere and then feel angry. He might have just been doing it to get attention.” A third waitress came around. Where the hell did she come from? She was wearing a tiara, how regal. Her remark reminded him of The Queen.

“Well yea he could have toned it down a bit seeing as how the situation had not changed. One of The Girl’s friends certainly thought so. She had advised her as such too, she thought he wanted attention and that his feelings weren’t genuine.”

“Wow, what a drama queen.” Said the pretty waitress. The Bard smiled, who cared if she just broke up with her boyfriend. She seemed fun.

“Well he is being a bit of an idiot.” Said the first waitress matter-of-factly.

“How so? He liked her and was upset. You can’t control your emotions.” Said The Bard’s friend reasonably.

“Yea but he didn’t go for her. He just agreed with her that she didn’t have feelings for him. He could have still made a move.” Another random patron had managed to join in. ‘What? Who are you?’ Thought The Bard.

“He wanted to preserve their relationship. He didn’t want his feelings to harm her.” Said some random woman from across the room. ‘How loud were we talking?’

“I don’t know, man it seems The Guy was just trying to make her feel bad for dating Thing 2.” ‘Seriously who are these people?’ The Bard looked at his friend and for the second time tonight game him a complicated look. Did-we steal-all-the waitresses?

“How would you feel if someone you loved couldn’t love you back? I think he was just angry about the predicament.” Fourth waitress, yup that was all of them.

“Doesn’t matter he didn’t try so of course it didn’t work out.”

An argument broke out. The Bard and his friend looked at each other slightly alarmed but mostly amused, probably because the first waitress and the pretty waitresses were on their laps.

“I still think you should have gone for her.” Said the Bard’s friend.

Author's Note

Any thoughts, comments, really anything at all.