Thoughts of Mine

Just a bit of venting

I hate having a sensative heart, because when you do it's just a bunch of unnecessary heartache to deal with. I also hate having clinical depression, anxiety, A.D.D. and bipolarism because that makes the unnecessary heartache even worse. I don't understand why people pretend to love someone. Why lead someone on if you're unsure of your feelings in the first place? Because you wanted to lose your virginity and get some a*s, right? Because it's okay to f**k with someone's emotions and treat their heart as a pin cushion? As long as you get what you want, it's fine, right? Wrong. I think manipulating a sensitive,loyal,caring girl to get laid is beyond fucked up. When I'm in a relationship I give my all and I guess that's just one of my many flaws. I give everything even when I don't get any in return; that's a problem. I'm a very kind-hearted person who tries to give everyone a chance even though I've been fucked over so much in the past. Ladies, please don't believe a guy who says he loves you. Believe him when he proves he does, but still be cautious. Keep yourself on guard and remain in control, don't let him control you. I could have been spared so much heartache if he told me how he felt in the first place, instead of leading me on and pretending to love me in a romantic way. You sang me love songs while holding me into your arms.. You said "I do love you, don't get that twisted." while looking into my eyes and kissing me. You told me "I'm your's" but in reality you weren't mine at all... but I was your's. I gave in and let my walls down for you....for someone who didn't really love me in the first place...I wasted my time and love on someone who really just doesn't give a f**k. And then after a little while I won't give a f**k either, but after spending time around you the feelings I try to bury begin to surface. I don't think I'll believe the next person who says they love me. Love has become such a meaningless word that is thrown around so casually. Hah, I'm starting to think there's no point in trying to be in a relationship. It's just not worth the pain that always comes afterward. Then again, I say that now but I know later I will fall in love again without even trying, and get my heart broken again.