Temptation

You fell in the dirt,

I coughed and walked by,

As sickness brewed on the inside,

"Useless, Useless" the old man crowed,

"Useless, Useless let her grow cold,"

 

"Savior, savior," the young girl cried,

"Savior, savior, don't let me die!"

My eyes shifted between two figures, one young and one old,

One already stiff and one growing cold.

 

"Don't save her it's pointless you'll see,

Don't save her become bitter like me,"

Gazing at his haunted old smile,

I heard the cries of the hearts he defiled,

Lakes of fire twisted and burnt,

Lakes of fire forever it will hurt,

 

"Devil as sick as I am and as much as it hurts,

I cannot leave her dead in the dirt,

Forgiveness, forgiveness my heart did it pain,

Forgiveness, forgiveness black it was stained,

But I will forgive,

And I will let go,

Of that anger from which you grow,

Begone, begone from my sight,

Begone, begone I'll do what's right," 

Reviews

[Violet Rose]

A classical style, though I forget which. The only line I didn't like was:

"My eyes shifted between two figures, one young and one old,"

but honestly, I'm not quite sure what one could do with it. It's necessary to pull the thoughts together. Eh, too nit-picky.

Still, it's a heart-wretcher and holds the classic good vs. evil theme to it. Excellent job with your magic of words.

[Phoenix Alleena]

Hey I know you ;o

This is amazing. you did a great job,
and the repetition really added to the poem.
it's heartfelt and dramatic.
And if I may say it again; awesome.

:3

Creative Writing class rocks, doesn't it?

[Britteny]

So heartfelt! I could really feel for the girl in this poem whether she was fictional or not. I loved how you repeated your words to get the point of the poem in it's entirety across....such a moral delima created here and I think anyone can relate with the narrator here! Nice work!

[Poeticpiers]

if you are true to yourself you won't go far astray. Forgiveness is difficult sometimes but harbouring bitterness is self desyructive

[Blue Sky]

Your work would capture even the coldest heart
to learn of the right thing to do, it would be pointless
to never forgive, it seems you have written this from
the depths of heart and soul, as only a forgiving person
would bestow with such words as these, and
I really enjoyed reading this great piece of work by you!
thank you for sharing and welcome to WC, hope you'll make it your home
a place to share and read real good poetry!