Paradise {revised}

Leaves fall from the trees, just for me.

Clouds glide through the sky, that I might see.

The moon rises from shadowy depths,

Following the Sun’s burning footsteps,

Giving to me Heaven’s golden key.

 

Blue waves lap at sands on the shore,

Beneath the unruffled birds that soar.

Tranquil air is stirred by gentle wind,

Bringing peace to which there is no end;

But this isn't through the Kingdom door.

 

I thought paradise was just for dreams.

Well, I have been misled, so it seems

Because when I hold you in my arms,

My eyes see only Earth’s pleasant charms:

They're there in your smile, as it gleams.

Reviews

[thatbryngirl]

great rhythm, exxcceellleenntt! i loved loved loved it! iono why, it was just...like, i couldnt even pick a favorite line or stanza. it was just too good. its so peaceful and yet like lush? just if you think of paradise, and leaves and just, iono, i just loved it. maybe the first two stanzas are my favorite. but its all so good! :)

[little lily Bride of Ch..]

loved this Piece Nice write. Loved these lines,

Clouds glide across the sky, only that I might see.

Placing in my hand Heaven’s golden key.

Earth is'nt Paradise But what we make of it in this life cause we only get one Life. Beautiful Piece God bless

[Chloe..Across the Unive..]

I read it twice.. it is a beauty. love is such a beautiful feeling .. you have well expressed your love.. which is paradise..
Such a beautiful poem for the one you love.. your images are vivid.

Chloe

[Chantel]

This is one of those poems that must be read slow to be fully enjoyed...and that's a good thing. :) Good job, good rhythm, excellent description and personification.

"I am forced to stare as my eyes beg for more."

I absolutely love that line.
Excellent write! :)