Paradise {revised}

Leaves fall from the trees, just for me.

Clouds glide through the sky, that I might see.

The moon rises from shadowy depths,

Following the Sun’s burning footsteps,

Giving to me Heaven’s golden key.

 

Blue waves lap at sands on the shore,

Beneath the unruffled birds that soar.

Tranquil air is stirred by gentle wind,

Bringing peace to which there is no end;

But this isn't through the Kingdom door.

 

I thought paradise was just for dreams.

Well, I have been misled, so it seems

Because when I hold you in my arms,

My eyes see only Earth’s pleasant charms:

They're there in your smile, as it gleams.

Reviews

[thatbryngirl]

great rhythm, exxcceellleenntt! i loved loved loved it! iono why, it was just...like, i couldnt even pick a favorite line or stanza. it was just too good. its so peaceful and yet like lush? just if you think of paradise, and leaves and just, iono, i just loved it. maybe the first two stanzas are my favorite. but its all so good! :)

[Katie Lynn]

This is simply gorgeous. I know it's probably a touchy subject by now, but this is still beautiful and emotional and it glides well off the tongue when you read it aloud. I hope you find inspiration for more!

[Balls:)]

wow... this is great. the line "i am forced to stare as my eyes beg for more"
that's nice... :) greatly wrote poem, sirr. :)

[Robyn]

This is such a lovely poem. I really like the last few lines, it ties it all together very nicely.

[Daniel Gardner]

thanks fordonation just added it to the book

[Crowley]

Some fantastic lines and great images here. This one is likely to rock you to sleep and give you sweet and unfettered dreams. I really liked it. Nice job.

[Angie Diane♥&hea..]

I think this is very nicely written. I really liked it. I liked the descriptions as well. Thanks for sharing. :)

[Ashley.M.E]

this is a good poem

[Marie Harrison]

This is a remarkable poem. It's breathtaking to me. I can't understand why it doesn't have more reviews than it does. I enjoyed it's flow, the message, the positive and dreamy images. It's beautiful.

[Adora.xo]

Omg.... This was ADORABLE!

They say paradise exists only in dreams.

Well, they’ve been misled, it seems.

For, when I hold you in my arms,

I see only Earth’s pleasant charms,

Reflected in your smile, as it gleams.


Brillians lined there, well written piece over all. THe rhyme scheme was good, the flow was perfect, and it definitely was touching! Great great job deary!

~Adora