Surreptitious

Inspired by Michael LaSalle's 'Mysterious Desire'. Perhaps of a different theme, but inspired by it, none the less.

Surreptitious

 

 

Do not tease

Do not follow me with such surreptitious desire

Be open, and give yourself wholly unto me

 

My flesh aches to know what darkness clouds your eyes

When you think of me

So, you must not tease

 

Do stars not burn?

Do hearts not yearn?

Let us

 

Let us feel impending heights

Then, let us crash

Into one... smoldering... heap

 

 

4/28/2008

Reviews

[Shell]

That's hot. Aflame with desire. Can I get some ice water please? lol
The flesh aches, and the blood burns right along with those stars.

I love the ending.
..."one... smoldering... heap."

Very simple yet effective. Your point was driven home in as few words as possible. Which mirrors that particular moment, wouldn't you say? The last thing you want to do is talk!

[ANNA]

I loved it. thank you for sending a review to me so I could read this amazing piece. I like the begainning when you said:
Do not tease
Do not follow me with such surreptitious desire
Be open, and give yourself wholly unto me

Sometimes I think why don't we give our self to the one we care for? and open up and not tease. Tease feels like they are wanting you but to scared and if their so scared why do they tease.

Great Poem
Much lov Anna

[Albert Freeman]

Now this is hot, sensual and smoldering poetry. Love the visuals it brings to mind.

"Do stars not burn?

Do hearts not yearn?

Let us"

Love those three lines.

[Wordcrafter]

As much as the simple wording, I love he lilt of the rhythm here, it sings to the ear on the one hand, (almost would say it "teases" the ear) then the stern "do no tease" has also some sinister undertone, a slight sense of unease. There is underlaying intensity which is very compelling.

[Angel's Lady]

I loved the ending of this especially! But actually the whole thing was very carefully constructed to let you feel it...deep.

My flesh aches to know what - ahhh...yes...the flesh does ache, doesn't it?

Very nicely written! Great job!

[NCPanthersgurl]

Very visual and dramatic. I like it, and the abrupt ending only made it all the better! This line: "My flesh aches to know what darkness clouds your eyes" definitley wins my heart though. =]

[Babbette Francis]

Wow!!

NICEEEEEE!! This just about says it all!!!
Love it!!

[Beautifully Tragic xPoe..]

Beautiful and such a great poet to be inspired by. Brillant piece.

[Fabian G. Franklin]

Yeah, please me... don't tease me. lol What a big word for sneaky huh? This was great. I especially liked the last verse. "Impending heights Then let us crash"...a great deal of life seems to happen that way.