"Winter Night"

Remembering that cold winter night

We became one, heavy breathing with lingering moans excites us

Hearts pounding in that moment of pure ecstasy

Our eyes meet, yours filled with moonlight captures my heart and soul

Embracing your gentle voice brings a calm

You whisper "Are you mine? Because I am yours"

With no space between words, I reply "yes"

We exchange words that were never to break

I soon find distance matches the time between us

Giving my all to find the fault

Your answers only bring peace for the moment

Meeting under the cover of night

You long for me only when your urge is strong

The look in your eyes have changed

I succumb to the lust

In hope you remember what we were

What we can become

Without word, you're gone from my life

Longing for you

All attempts to reach you are ignored

Yearning for a dream only to find a nightmare in us

What do you do, when you were found but now lost

Time kept moving on as nothing happened

These burning memories burst through the suppressed emotions

The day I saw you again

You were with him

The one you assured he means nothing anymore

Our eyes met one last time

As I smiled, you looked away

In that moment I realized

Our feelings were never the same

For you I was an escape

For me you were home

The pain eases, the closure sets

As I watch you walk away...

  

Reviews

[blue cave]

You've allowed me into a very personal moment and I am honored as a reader. How heart-wrenching to be attached to a past existence and a future that can never be. I think what would really make this pop even more is to give the reader some small details that paint a picture of the dreams that drove your desire for this relationship that never saw the day, or perhaps couldn't survive the light of day. Further, you could experiment with your words to create a more defined shift in attitude of the narrator. For example the overflowing hope in the beginning and the insecurity and despair that unfolds in the latter half, and finally the peace at the end. I see glimmers of this with the heavy descriptive opening stanzas and when you shift to two-line stanzas near the end, very effective. Nice work.

[zunie frost]

Our eyes met one last time
As I smiled, you looked away

In that moment I realized
Our feelings were never the same

For you I was an escape
For me you were home

The pain eases, the closure sets
As I watch you walk away...

wow !!!!
these lines are really good
100 points

[Insight "MH"]

You now that a poem is well written when it changes your mode to the same mode that it tries to shout out in each and every line, and this poem has done that to me, I felt the pain and I felt the sorrow.
Bravo.

[NeuroVersifier]

This is great stuff. Heart-wrenching. Many of us have been there, either as the victim or the perpetrator. Thanks for sharing.

[Richard Patrick]

It sounds remincent of relationships The people were once friends, the past has come to turn again at times It draws up memories that we wish we did not remember, to dream The story is about one persons memories that are good, where as the other person thinks they are bad. No one knows what the future will bring.

[Dayran]

A wonderful write Greg ... marvelous! Its what Zen calls ... reaching into the fire to scoop out the ice. A boldness that will preserve your love ... even in the face of loss. Keep at it!

[Hyacinth]

Amazing, as always. Keep it up!

[Coyote Poetry]

It is hard when two people need different things.
"For you I was an escape
For me you were home "
The above lines. True experiences for the most of us. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Rebekah Cater]

There seems to be missing a missing word when you say "your gentle voice brings a calm" A calm what? I really like the poem's meaning, though some grammar could be improved. The part where you write "For you I was an escape, for me you were home"is personally my favorite part. Overall, this is a great poem!

[Emily]

Loved it!!
Keep on writing!