"Winter Night"

Remembering that cold winter night

We became one, heavy breathing with lingering moans excites us

Hearts pounding in that moment of pure ecstasy

Our eyes meet, yours filled with moonlight captures my heart and soul

Embracing your gentle voice brings a calm

You whisper "Are you mine? Because I am yours"

With no space between words, I reply "yes"

We exchange words that were never to break

I soon find distance matches the time between us

Giving my all to find the fault

Your answers only bring peace for the moment

Meeting under the cover of night

You long for me only when your urge is strong

The look in your eyes have changed

I succumb to the lust

In hope you remember what we were

What we can become

Without word, you're gone from my life

Longing for you

All attempts to reach you are ignored

Yearning for a dream only to find a nightmare in us

What do you do, when you were found but now lost

Time kept moving on as nothing happened

These burning memories burst through the suppressed emotions

The day I saw you again

You were with him

The one you assured he means nothing anymore

Our eyes met one last time

As I smiled, you looked away

In that moment I realized

Our feelings were never the same

For you I was an escape

For me you were home

The pain eases, the closure sets

As I watch you walk away...

  

Reviews

[blue cave]

You've allowed me into a very personal moment and I am honored as a reader. How heart-wrenching to be attached to a past existence and a future that can never be. I think what would really make this pop even more is to give the reader some small details that paint a picture of the dreams that drove your desire for this relationship that never saw the day, or perhaps couldn't survive the light of day. Further, you could experiment with your words to create a more defined shift in attitude of the narrator. For example the overflowing hope in the beginning and the insecurity and despair that unfolds in the latter half, and finally the peace at the end. I see glimmers of this with the heavy descriptive opening stanzas and when you shift to two-line stanzas near the end, very effective. Nice work.

[Onyia-Ali, Kingsley Chu..]

This is really disapointing after a long after the initial friendliness. You captured a vivid image. Well done.

[Veronica Staehle]

Written with such heartfelt clarity it's so easy to feel like it's my own personal memory. You captured simple details that tell the story without being too personal, even though it clearly is- which is hard to do. Its gentle yet strong, and romantically sad. Really beautifully done.

[Scheherazade]

This was beautifully sad. I could feel the past longing, the regret, the nostalgia and the resignation of that final realisation and acceptance. You captured an experience and found the words to do so. The only thing that I can find in the way of constructive criticism is that I think some of the sentences run on a little too long, disrupting the overall rhythm and structure. But other than that, I thought this was really well written.

[Uche Paul]

You have taken me through a path which I cannot christen at the moment, but a path which is definitely familiar anyway. This is quite a poem. And it exudes some extended beauties through its dramatic flow, thematic chain of connections, imageries, and overflow of molten emotions. Red. Hot. A good piece, Gregory Lara. Write again.

[Zeitgeist Manifesto]

This was intense. The settings were vivid in my mind.
There was a moment where I felt like I got hit by a truck.
Your words came to life.

[M.Babu]

Powerfully poignant piece, this! I especially enjoyed the ending:
"For you I was an escape
For me you were home
The pain eases, the closure sets
As I watch you walk away..."

As if the pain lingers on your screen akin to a stubborn smudge...
I enjoyed this.
~M.Babu~

[Weeping willow]

wonderful emotions flow in and out of this personal write,sharing closeness in such details,love it

[V]

You covered all topics regarding love with this one; the passionate and romantic side, the painful one and loss. Reads like a personal sad love story, lovely in its simplicity.

[Cyndy Robinson]

This poem is haunting as it stands. Its simplicity is its beauty, and anyone on earth can relate to it. It actually brought tears to my eyes, and I don't cry easy. Whatever the poem is or isn't, the simplicity and purity of expression transcends it. You don't notice stupid stuff like flow or anything else. It is haunting, its simple and its brilliant. Extremely well done!

[William Liston]

Wow. This was an amazing poem. The imagery and feelings of love and loss were too perfect. Great work!

-William Liston