struggling for hope

First writing in awhile open to all corrections and constructive criticism

This wearied path I walk, is of my own
I look back and see what's become
Tears fall as I slip into this dark atonement

I feel the past crawling; this deep agony
Wanting to be heard, to be saved
The words are unknown
How far must I go

Face to the floor with regrets
Crawling on my belly, the memories remind
What I once had, the loss blinds my eyes with tears

Pain is all I've become, reaching out into the void
The peace of despair holds the soul
Eyes begin to close

But lo, the dim light breaks the hold
Far but warm, I feel again
It brings me up, shaking the first step is made
Warmth dries the tears, lights the path
The struggling path to hope has begun

Reviews

[JayceeC]

hmmm, i wonder how many writers suffer from some type of depression?
"The peace of despair holds the soul " These lines may sound a bit odd to someone who has never experienced it, but it's perfect. Luckily at some point I get sick and tired of being sick and tired and that's when its easiest to fine hope. This is such a well written poem. Glad you friended me.

[Gregory Lara]

I'm glad you understood that line jaycee! I wasn't so sure others would get that line! Thank you!

[Cyndy Robinson]

Very powerful poem. Clear images and feelings. There is something akward in the last line of the 3rd stanza. Might suggest changing to something like: What I once had, the loss blinds my eyes with tears. Very well done.

[Gregory Lara]

Thank you for the advice! I the change Cyndy why don't you take a look again and let me know how it feels now! Thanks!

[Amber Lily]

This is great, you really have good potential and talent to be writing poems. Writing about struggles is always a good topic to write about, it vents the mind really well. Good work :)

[M.Babu]

"The struggling path to hope has began"
There's a haunting tinge to this line; Hope is around the corner - but the work of getting/keeping it alive sometimes is daunting.
~M.Babu~

[Une coccinelle]

I love the last line "the struggling path to hope has begun" Check out my poem Sparrow - you may find a connection.

[Coyote Poetry]

We must reach dead-end to see the light of hopeBut lo, the dim light breaks the hold
"Far but warm, I feel again
It brings me up, shaking the first step is made
Warmth dries the tears, lights the path
The struggling path to hope has began."
I liked the above lines. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote