struggling for hope

First writing in awhile open to all corrections and constructive criticism

This wearied path I walk, is of my own
I look back and see what's become
Tears fall as I slip into this dark atonement

I feel the past crawling; this deep agony
Wanting to be heard, to be saved
The words are unknown
How far must I go

Face to the floor with regrets
Crawling on my belly, the memories remind
What I once had, the loss blinds my eyes with tears

Pain is all I've become, reaching out into the void
The peace of despair holds the soul
Eyes begin to close

But lo, the dim light breaks the hold
Far but warm, I feel again
It brings me up, shaking the first step is made
Warmth dries the tears, lights the path
The struggling path to hope has begun

Reviews

[JayceeC]

hmmm, i wonder how many writers suffer from some type of depression?
"The peace of despair holds the soul " These lines may sound a bit odd to someone who has never experienced it, but it's perfect. Luckily at some point I get sick and tired of being sick and tired and that's when its easiest to fine hope. This is such a well written poem. Glad you friended me.

[Gregory Lara]

I'm glad you understood that line jaycee! I wasn't so sure others would get that line! Thank you!

[barleygirl]

BRAVO! I love that you banished all the worn-out phrases & now this poem feels fresh & new! Great job editing! I'm also feeling that you've expressed the hopelessness in the first 4 stanzas much more vividly, painting me a picture of your struggle. I also really love the glimmer of hope in the last stanza, not sure if you changed this any, but it strikes me more this time around, a perfect ending.

[Zeitgeist Manifesto]

Something kept me going as I read through this piece. It was hard to read at some points
because of the emotions going on..but I couldn't stop. The hope that appeared in the end
seemed to be a prophetic ending to a story that explained it all.

[Weeping willow]

Sounds so familiar these feelings of depression,as darkness drags your soul down the alley of nightmares,struggling to breathe.Good expression;-

[barleygirl]

I was drawn by your title, as I've been in this struggle. It seems that 4 stanzas are about hopelessness & then finally the last stanza is about the promised hope. Maybe little glimmers of hope thru-out could balance this a bit. There are quite a few worn-out phrases: "bring me to my knees", "eyes blinded with tears", "numb from the pain" . . . if you've heard it before, then force yourself to say it in a new, fresh way. This is the constant toil of being a poet. Everything has been said before.

[Cyndy Robinson]

I love it, it is actually about where I am at in life, lol. I am totally into into it. It speaks about pain, and moving on, and the hope required to do so, even if the will isn't quite there yet. It is what we all do.

[.]

We suffer for our art, Gregory.

That is what makes us better writers.

Nicely written.

[Rachael Lea]

I really like the content of this poem. Can you describe the formatting though? I am looking to branch out my formatting on my poems to see if it can make them more powerful but I have to understand why stanza are broken in certain areas like this. Like you go 3 lines 4 lines the 3 lines 3lines then 5, Im not a formatting nut so I just wanted to better understand your reasoning behind the format that you chose
Overall good job. I really like it, there are some very powerful lines in here, and your poem invokes a sense of feeling which is lovely.

[Lastwords187]

This poem holds so much emotion. It's deep in all the right places the words pulled me in from the moment I started reading it.

[felsy]

Gregory I would love to see the authors notes here! I firmly believe that sharing our lives through poetry is fantastic however context brings the power to new heights. Beautiful poem in and of itself love the euphemism of light.

[Gregory Lara]

Thanks felsy! I'll be sure to do that, writing a little of my life will make the reader more understanding