struggling for hope

First writing in awhile open to all corrections and constructive criticism

This wearied path I walk, is of my own
I look back and see what's become
Tears fall as I slip into this dark atonement

I feel the past crawling; this deep agony
Wanting to be heard, to be saved
The words are unknown
How far must I go

Face to the floor with regrets
Crawling on my belly, the memories remind
What I once had, the loss blinds my eyes with tears

Pain is all I've become, reaching out into the void
The peace of despair holds the soul
Eyes begin to close

But lo, the dim light breaks the hold
Far but warm, I feel again
It brings me up, shaking the first step is made
Warmth dries the tears, lights the path
The struggling path to hope has begun

Reviews

[JayceeC]

hmmm, i wonder how many writers suffer from some type of depression?
"The peace of despair holds the soul " These lines may sound a bit odd to someone who has never experienced it, but it's perfect. Luckily at some point I get sick and tired of being sick and tired and that's when its easiest to fine hope. This is such a well written poem. Glad you friended me.

[Gregory Lara]

I'm glad you understood that line jaycee! I wasn't so sure others would get that line! Thank you!

[Courtney Hough]

it's impossible to try to find a favorite stanza o line in this. Its so beautifully written. I can really relate to this. Feeling the pain, sorrow and regrets. Very beautiful and very well done.

[JB Murray]

I think is probably an accurate depiction, of any true artist, whether they paint, make poetry, write music, or simply struggle with that creative soul. But as hard as that can be, that struggle, it's also those highs and lows that seperate those of us who are able to put those words down and paint that picture for ourselves and others, from those who suffer from never being able to exhaust those emotions. Nice write.

[Miss Sharon]

(Crawling on my belly, the memories remind What I once had, the loss blinds my eyes with tears) Such powerful and sad word these are. I am happy to read the beautiful positive closure to this write (The struggling path to hope has begun) And I hope they continue! ~Sharon

[Chris]

I'm not one to use "Lo" or such as "Alas" - but that's just me. I was going with the flow but it felt like you broke it too soon with the last five lines. For me they did the job but just too soon and too quickly.

As a comment - A good depression is a terrible thing to waste. Self-exploration leads toward understanding of whys and hows and even possibly not repeating perceived mistakes. Just sayin'.

[Ellen Kolman]

Excellent write..."What I once had, the loss blinds my eyes with tears" I understand that very well...you have written this superbly ... bravo

[sheitwhatyouwant]

Wow! goosebumps! this was so me this past few days :(

[Joey K]

I love this poem. Of all the poems and stories I've seen, I understood the emotion more in this one than most others. Great job!

[J.Black]

Depression... not only a battle with oneself but with everything that stores inside us and eats us till we give up. Some of the best writes come from those with much pain.... writing would be nothing without emotion and feelings... without those, we are also depressed.... as some say it is only a state.... good read, thank you for sharing.

[David Scott]

This is enough... Just to begin again. No need to answer all the questions.
I felt your pain.

[Tasteless Heart]

This poem resonates with me very deeply. I can feel your pain and anguish and you have done a great jobs of really drawing the reader into your frame of mind. I loved this poem, excellent share, thank you.