My Hurt

I was hurt when I wrote this...But i'm better now...

The people are mean,
they scorn and they scream.
They tear apart dreams,
of my writing schemes.

Happy and nice,
is all that they read.
So i'll role the dice,
and then I will feed.

The readers their wants,
desires and needs.
Then maybe their taunts will stop,
and I will be freed.

So love, joy and peace,
will be my new lease.
In this space for rent,
where old memories spent.

So maybe a ten,
squared to the roof.
As my life disappears,
in one great big poof.

My hopes, dreams, and needs,
dissapear in the sea.
Of hate, unwant,
and overall grief.

Into the sea,
I through away.
My ability to write,
and joy to be free.

I sit here and write,
in shackles and chains.
In a cell called my room,
where no joy remains.

And then somewhere deep,
I find a new peace.
That readers will sleep,
their eyelids are creased.

I do not know why,
but for this reason I.
Will keep on writing,
and try not to be frieghtened.

So I will not quit,
I'll take a deep breath.
And keep on a writing,
Untill the next death.

Author's Note

Please keep in mind...I was really pissed when I wrote this...But I still want strict reviews...


Pressing On,
Gregory

Reviews

[April Vickery]

I agree that they rhymes are great. I personally am a walking thesarus, yet I can't rhyme to save my life. I enjoyed it because I find that I often write with a much darker side than I live. Although you wrote it for a particular reason, I found that I was able to relate to it. The anger in it did come off quite well. All around good piece. I'd recommend it to others.

[Wicahpi]

Just a few errors in spelling but no big deal; emotions make things
come grammatically incorrect sometimes, but this is a fine write.
I am not one who can judge emotions, for I write from them all the time.
No matter what, keep writing!!

[Mason Watts]

Very nice I was very interested when I was reading this

[Kaelyn Shea]

you did a good job on this i wish i could ryme mine all sound really stupid the only thing is that its like you trying to say your planning on dying sometime soon that could be a little scary for somepeople

[ICE]

You most certainly channeled all of you anger, pain, and turmiol into this piece. It oozes emotion. The rhymes were great...and you wrote from your soul. As a writer its very important to put a bit of your heart and soul into a piece of writing. This was a great piece of writing. Good job on getting back on the horse!!

~Ice

[Taylor H.]

i could tell :( great poem

[Stephen Scaggs]

Dear Gregory,

Thank you for taking my advice to heart.

This is what I would call baby steps in poetry as you can definitely feel a lot of tension when you do a rhyme. Why I call it baby steps is because you have to walk before you can run. Keep practicing poems like this but aim for one day that you write to express how you feel but that it'll keep in a feel. Though not many people like structured poetry, structured poetry is the foundation for primary poetry. You start from structure and then you experiment something. Experiment with rhyming sequences, creative writing. I can give you a list of experiments to try. The only way to become a better writer is to practice it: to write.

You'll get a lot of people with crappy reviews, but usually when they give you stuff to correct, they're doing it for you to be good. Now a lot of people don't know the concept of "CONSTRUCTIVE" reviews and just list all of your negative faults. That is what I meant by people who thought they were elite to some other writer. A poet cannot be compared to a poet because every poet has a different writing style. Robert Frost wrote in-depth about nature around him. Edgar Allen Poe wrote primarily dark prose and dark poetry. Bob Dylan wrote/writes philosophy and facts.

Anyways, moving on... the rhymes feel kind of forced. Look at "I sit here and write, in shackles and chains. In a cell called my room where no joy remains." I would try to combine your two lines together, it makes it flow a bit better. Or maybe I'm just too picky. xD I'm not always clear as to what I'm asking someone to do or try. Not every line has to start with a capitalized letter and end with a comma or period. :P Oh and also, writing when you're mad is good. But when you're mad, you tend to write only from the heart. Remember to use your mind too. 8.9/10.

Good job. Keep writing always.

Sincerely,
S. W. Scaggs

[Hollywood]

Oh Gregory. The rhymes are good but a bit predictable. I liked the poem over all, seems you channeled your energy very well.

[Jonathan *break away*]

did u write this because the bad reviews on ur other thing