My Fleeting Breath:Part 2

This goes to the same girl as before...This part even shows more of the strengh of my love for her...

My glorious youth has been renewed,
Because of this I write a few.
When I was blind but now I see,
I will always remember the person you'll be.

With the soul of a warrior,
And the beauty of a mare.
The tenderness of an angle,
With long silky blonde hair.

You stand there majestic,
You beckon me near.
With the whisper of a celestic
You sigh, with a tear.

You say, You fill my heart,
With gladdness and life.
Now you take this charm,
It'll rid you of striff.

The charm that you gave me,
I'll wear it for life.
It'll make me remember,
There's no need for fright.

And while I sit hear,
In the floor of my room.
I'll thank the higher powers,
That I haven't meet my doom.

Which really in my thinking,
Cause I really am smart.
That I should be thanking you,
For the spot in my heart.

Author's Note

The poem that I have just written *sniff*, comes from the bottom of my heart. Even while I was writing it, I started crying...I hope you all enjoy this... <3

Reviews

[ICE]

I just realized that I'm reading them out of order. heh Its soo sweet!! It makes me wanna cry. Great job!!

[I Am Everyone]

I enjoyed this Little Brother!

[Sharkapillar]

Very well written. Nice job
~

[Stephen Scaggs]

Dear Mr. Greg,

The story continues on in this and I am happy to review this for you; as per request. This poem came even more powerful than the first one and feels like it was wrote after a considerable amount of time in between one and two. In this, you have improved. If you ever get stuck on a rhyme, don't force it or it'll sound stupid. That's a lesson from experience, xD. Rhyming sites like rhymezone.com can help rhyming. It is not a crutch, but if you're a devoted writer - you eventually learn to rhyme as if it were natural. Anyways, to the poem: majestic warrior. The first one is on a different more teenage love topic. This is continuing in age (it seems like.) You write very beautifully using good words but make sure they stick where they are put. Like the word "celestic" doesn't fit there, in the third paragraph and third line. Something else I feel is a lack of inspiration. Remember this: a poem is the collaboration of heart and soul. If you write with heart and not with mind, it comes out too emotional. If you write with mind, but no heart... it comes out too... blocky? I don't have a wide vocabulary, ha ha. This is not as good as your first one, but does have some improvements such as flow. Good job. Keep it coming. 9/10.

Sincerely,
S. W. Scaggs

[Alz Alz]

Awe, I hope she knows how lucky she is. This was a great poem, great form, and excellent rhyme... 100/100.

[Shannon]

your right it did make me cry :') Absolutely amazing love.