My Fleating Breath

This one comes from the heart...hope you enjoy

My life goes on each day goes by,
Though my life fades swiftly away.
I see the dreams that used to haunt,
Each memory fades of which I sought.

Then on one very special day,
Those shadows and dream, They fell away.
To see you standing there before my eyes.
Bring trears of joy, and makes me rise.

My breath comes back, my soul renewed,
While I catch the lovely gaze of you.
And now i'm standing watching you.
I thank you passionatly,for giving me youth.
You lift me up, and set my ways,
and thanks eternally forever for you.

Just goes to show what love can do.
I thank you much, now what can i do.
To uplift you greater then ever before.
And maybe it's your soul,
that one day i'll renew.

Author's Note

This one came straight from the heart. please rate this poem...and it does show what love can do..my life is the perfect example. Dedicated with love to my girl Shannon...hope you enjoy it <3

Reviews

[CircusNerd]

Dear New Friend Of Mine XD,
Thanks for the add request! Now we are official WC buddies. It should make you feel wonderfully special to befriend the most awesome Asian on this site, but that unanimous opinion will be silenced for now. This was....sweet, to say the least. The choice of words could be improved, and perhaps the grammar could also be improved, but nonetheless, your feelings for your "special amiga" are chrystal clear =] Thank you for the adorable read!

[kelbell0912]

I like it a lot! Thanks for the rating by the way. I appreciate it. The best ones come straight from the heart.

[snapstache]

That was so sweet!
The emotion was expressed through the poem wonderfully.
Love it!
*.*

[VioletRose]

Okay,
This poem was delightful, and amusement, I like this poem. Good write

[I Am Everyone]

I think it is lovely; straight from the heart of a young man to his girl. Well said and Bravo!

[Stephen Scaggs]

Dear Mr. Person Of No Name (Lol XD),

It is a honor to read your work and the read request is every welcome. If you send me any read request on a particular poem, I will read and review it to the best of my ability; within reason. Okay, getting straight into it. It's hard to find actual good love poems that aren't too cheesy. Compliments there. You do have some typo's here and there like in the first verse, first line, "My life goes on as each days go by." Typo's don't particularly concern me but may cause confusion on the act of the reader. Watch out for those. You pick a topic that I remember writing about when I was a bit younger. Well, you are better than I was at sixteen. That's for sure. "Then on one very special day, those shadow and dream, They fell away, To see you standing there before my eyes. Brings trears of joy and makes me rise." I love this and understand this completely. Particularly the break up makes you feel like a dead corpse to be renewed like life when she loves you again. Make sure when you write that from line one to line two, you don't have any capital letters as they disrupt the flow. But don't get me wrong, you had good flow in it. Rhyme is something also that you can always work on in your spare time, it helps the reader to feel more into it. I know you probably didn't write this poem for anyone else besides Shannon, but it's a very sweet poem. Kudos, friend. 9.3/10.

[Sharkapillar]

This is fabulous. Such wonderful flow. I love it.

~Blessed Be~

[qaralynn]

great poem..love it

[Shannon]

This is absolutely amazing love.

[ICE]

The emotions that you portray are strongly expressed. I feel the happiness, the joy,but i also feel a deep sadness. This is a lovely piece of work.
~Ice