The Darkness

Scary story. Not intented for children-consider yourself warned.

It was a cold bleak Friday morning when Alex went for a stroll in the woods behind her house. She loved walking through them because it was always quiet, and she could think to herself. However todays date was Friday the 13th, and she would have never guessed what was about to come. As she was walking through the woods she heard her name called. "Alex...Alex" called the voice. She looked around but didn't see anyone, so she kept walking. Then she heard the voice again except this time it had a dark atmosphere to it. "Alex...Alex...Come here." She looked around then saw it. It was a gastly looking figure, his hands boney, and he had a miscevious look about him. "Who are you?" asked Alex. "I am the last person you will ever see!" exclaimed the man. With that he lunged at her. Alex turned around to run, But it was to late. He had already grabbed a-hold of her arm. "Let go of me!" She screamed. But his grip held tight. "Why are you doing this to me?" She asked. With that he dug his teeth into her neck. But she wasn't about to give up. She hit the top of his head with a rock. The jolt broke his skull and two of his fangs broke off inside her neck. By now it was a complete bloody mess. His head was banged pretty hard and there was blood gushing down the side of his head. He screamed in pain, he held his mouth as he ran away. All the while Alex stood there holding he neck. She turned around and started walking home. When she got home her mother asked what happened to her. She just replied, "I was walking through the woods...

To Be Continued

Author's Note

First attempt at writing a horror story. What do you think?

Reviews

[Liverpoolfan]

Not very good. That is what I think. This could be soo much better. Clearly you have the ideas, you just need to get them down on paper a little better.
From just looking at it I could tell it wasn't going to be that good. Firstly, it need paragraphs. This is a MUST. For anyy kind of story, even a horror story.
Next, try not to tell the reader what is going on. Try to show them through clever use of actions. Also, a little more description is needed. Describe Alex a little more. Describe the morning. Describe what is going on around her. The reader needs to be able to really visualise this.
For a first attempt though, this isn't that bad. Nice job.

[Delancey M.]

Umm.. needs some help. story is slightly overdone, and your writing is somewhat.. boring.. but I applaud your attempt, and look forward to many more. ps, Horror is my favorite.

[ICE]

When writing a story its usually always best to have a story line writen out before starting a story. You have some great ideas but they got all jumbled up. Also, using paragraphs might help your reader follow the story a bit better. Descriptions go a long way. You could've described what the man was wearing..any visible scars...if he was handsome...were there leaves on the ground...What does Alex look like? What was she wearing? What do the woods look like. Are the trees green? Is there moss on them? ect. I think you have the beginings of a great story...You just need to make a story board.
~Ice

[Misery]

Uhh, a bit unoriginal. Friday the 13th, "Why are you doing this to me," etc, but good shot and keep trying.

[I Am Everyone]

I agree with the last guy... My first thought was "where are the paragraphs?". You went a bit fast.. I know there must be many more ideas behind what you wrote here so I cannot wait to see what you do with what you have written and in what direction you go from here.