Hands off

You have no hold on me
and I think I’ll get
a running start
before I leap
I was always straining
against a tether
that was never really there

Reviews

[Neville]

I bet that feels real good now that you've got that off your chest .. sometimes it takes a leap of faith to move forward .. there are far too many lemmings tho for my liking .. muchly enjoyed .. Neville

[Pete]

often times we think we are being held back by something when the reality is only in our minds. the only way to break free is to take a giant leap and challenge those imaginary restraints. liberation is a great feeling. this hits squarely in the gut.

[In Em's Wonderland]

Often we are our own greatest enemies in this world, sadly. I enjoyed this. The song "You Don't Own Me" also comes to mind as I read this...powerful piece in so limited words.

[Chris Shaw]

This little piece of brevity speaks volumes. It speaks to me of freedom. Being released from shackles. Taking a leap and flying. Nicely done.

Chris

[The_Ancient_Rock]

Hands off indeed.
Remarkable short poem.
Many times the tethers we have are imposed ultimately only by ourselves, therefore we can break free.
Poetry should always be free and never have any chains in my opinion.
That is very well depicted in this work I think.
I enjoyed reading this poem, very much.
Take good care Green. 😃

[John the Baptist]

Somehow I doubt this one is a reply to a personals ad. The speaker is laying down limits and telling people where to get off. The last three lines are interesting, though. They seem to indicate an inner resistance to involvement.

[Relic]

This seems to me as someone who's been criticized and lectured and is finally deciding to make a decision to branch out on her own.

[Chris]

This left a smile as the "visual" formed behind my eyes.

[willweb]

I like what this says, the only person holding you back, is you. Break that cord and fly on...nice one Green.

Oh, I couldn't help checking out what was going on below. Love the IDGAF category. : )

[JayG]

As someone who spent about 40 years as a logic designer, I have to remind you that to do your job a lot more was needed than saying, "I think I'll design things."

The thing we miss when we turn to writing poetry and fiction is that they offer degree programs in both. Would they do that if the skills they teach are optional?

Remember all the reports and essays they assigned in school? They did that because our future employers need nonfiction writing from us. So the only approach to writing that we learn is fact-based and author-centric, as is your current approach to poetry.

In this piece, you're talking to someone unknown about things unspecified. But what can that mean to a reader who just arrived?

Readers don't come to poetry to learn how someone they'll never meet is feeling, today. They want you to move THEM emotionally, which requires a very different approach.

Nonfiction explains and reports, It tells the reader, for example, that the speaker cried. But the poet makes the READER weep. And to do that requires the skills of the poet, not the engineer.

So...several suggestions:

First, grab a copy of Mary Oliver's, A Poetry Handbook (link just below). The lady is brilliant, and the book is filled with gems, like why we sometimes use the word rock and at others, stone, for the same thing.
https://yes-pdf.com/book/1596

For structured poetry, her, Rules For the Dance is highly regarded.

For an introduction to both structured poetry and the things about the flow of words that you've probably never noticeed, trot over to Amazon and look at the excerpt for Stephen Fry's, The Ode Less Traveled.

He may just get you playing with structured poetry, as he did me.

Hang in there, and keep on writing.

Jay Greenstein
Articles: https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/the-grumpy-old-writing-coach/
Videos: https://www.youtube.com/@jaygreenstein3334

[Zombified Spider]

I think you had a misplaced comma. Correction poetry is meant to move both the author and the reader. If you didn't like it maybe this type of poetry isn't for you. I like this type of poetry. As a lyricist, I know my lyrics aren't for everyone, but certain poems and lyrics resonate with me. There is no one right way to write poetry. For me, this is a specific poem, maybe you just never experienced this feeling and that's great. I also turn to poetry to feel heard. I just thought I should say something.

Any spelling mistakes or grammar are my fault, I have dyslexia.

[Zombified Spider]

Oh, don't worry I'm knowledgeable (about law, history, science, music, and language). And they teach creative writing courses in my high school, things are changing. but as metallic said "Life is ours we live it our way."

[Green]

My dear sir, feel free to hate read everything I write if it brings you great joy. I will be happily depositing your “advice” in the IDGAF category. If you could, refrain from being an a*s to people in the comments. Have a delightful day, if you can manage to do such a thing.

[Zombified Spider]

Yay! GO GREEN! I'm so sorry I should have let you handle it, but I got angry (again).

[JayG]

• My dear sir, feel free to hate read everything I write if it brings you great joy.

Stop acting like a child. Nothing I said to you implied that I "hate" your work.

You posted the work with the comments window open, and forgot to say, "Praise only."

So someone who didn't have to do it, took the time to point out some problems, and recommend a well respected book that can help you become a better poet.

Everything I suggested was what you'd learn early in any course on poetry, because I pass on professional, advice, not personal opinion. So if the advice stings, blame the professionals.

No one says you have to take anyone's suggestions. So complaining that the advice was given is a waste of time.

[Green]

I must have missed the part where I complained.

[Zombified Spider]

*cue air horn*

[V]

I usually don't blend into convos or comments that have nothing to do with me but dear JayG; I think I or we must have missed that we're in a classroom or lecture. *irony off*
I don't think that people join an amateur writing community to seek unsolicited advice on how to improve their writings.
Most of us are here to share thoughts and feelings in a more or less anonymous way, some are here to practice writing without judgement. Your review is abs unwelcome and redundant. If you want to do the community and this specific writer a favor, delete it. It's ridiculously arrogant.

[Green]

For someone who distributes criticism so regularly, you have proven rather inept at actually accepting it yourself. I am going to attempt to say this in the simplest way possible so that maybe you can understand.
You are allowed to say whatever you want. I don't care. If you want a reaction, congrats you've won apathy. The issue is not that you criticized something. As I've already stated (I've gathered the reading comprehension is a little lacking, so I'll repeat myself), if you don't like my stuff feel free to type entire novels informing me of why. At least it will give you something to do with your time. The issue is you took a subjective criticism and framed it as objective. "I do not like this" became "you are not writing poetry correctly".
If anyone attempts to say anything you rapidly construct a straw man argument along the line of "You must be ok not being a good writer, criticism is necessary" or "I don't know what you have against Mary Oliver" or an ad hominem "stop being so immature". Sir, you are easily 3 times the age of everyone in this comment section so far and are behaving the most abhorrently.
Hopefully, this is the last time I have to address this situation.

[Zombified Spider]

Have so propriety that gentlemen are supposed to! Green you slayed that! high five?