Mean Breakup Prompt

Henry,

There's no nice way of saying this. Well, maybe there is, but I'm not a nice person, so I say screw the formalities and the "It's not you, it's me" crap.

Things have been awkward between us ever since our initial break-up. I only took you back because the sex was amazing, but now you can't even do that right; you keep going on about how we should talk about our feelings, or how we should establish where we really stand before getting intimate. It's downright irritating. Now the sight of you makes me throw up in my mouth a little. Also, your habit of picking your teeth with my fingernails is utterly revolting.

You're not "in love with me" or whatever; you only wanted me back so that you wouldn't be single. So I'm not gonna even bother going through the trouble of planning a visit with you to do this face-to-face.

I've arranged a romantic outing tomorrow for Dean and I, and he says he's going to ask me out. I'm not enough of a jerk to cheat on you, so here it is; we're broken up. For the next 13 hours, I am a single woman.

Don't bother calling,

Kate.