Transparent Gems

This poem was written in an attempt to explain how the process deemed 'healing' can affect and re-victimize the survivor of childhood sexual abuse.

Transparent Gems

 

Wearing amethyst helps me to channel

Humility and sincerity, while  it’s true,

Spiritual wisdom however, eludes me,

The qualities I desire still remain unclear.

 

My mood changes, so deeply in purple,

While my life passes like time ever looping,

Re-playing is what my mind sees so vividly,

Modality of sight is so intervening.

 

But the world, it sees what it wants to see,

Nonetheless, my memories still shape my life’s worth,

They want me to talk about my inner feelings,

And here, I thought, that was what I was doing.

 

‘Till that moment of illumination,

When my inner children shout at me to shut up,

Cowering, in the recesses of my mindset,

Opaque curtains of fear fall silently down.

 

They don’t need to know; they can’t make me tell.

How is it they see, can distinguish, recognize

That there is so much more now, I have yet to share?

Why am I so hesitant, abased, terrified?

 

 

Trying to help me can be frustrating,

I don't purposefully hide my true feelings,

Building the bridges of trust takes time, so I find

The secrets, I hid so well, need now lay open.

 

To those who see time as an enemy,

On the one hand, they say to take care of yourself,

The other pushes to bring the what, to the fore.

I know it's needed, but disconcerting it be.

 

Direful and upsetting in the extreme.

Maybe I am just asking too much for comfort.

But their job is to uncover my sordid past,

And all I want is to feel normal, not damaged.

 

September 7, 2013

 

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Reviews

[Gray Witch]

Re-victimization happens, in my humble opinion(IMHO) and experience, because those in charge of this issue in the Church are missing some important insights about how someone abused sees and reacts differently to the world.

(See: Stealing Christmas - Beth)