Every Twenty Long Years

... every 20-years, like clockwork... It just is NOT fair!

People who know me won’t wish to know this.

But twenty long years is all I can take,

Then the psychotic child buried deep within

claws her way to the surface once more.

Daily sanity checks, while battles ensue.

Dormant nightmares emerge, terrifyingly real

to wreak havoc on her fragile, damaged soul.

Why, oh why, after all this time

can the past have such a hold on the present?

Is the primeval lament of the victim assuaged,

Or will HE finally win in the end?

Author's Note

It actually just hit me today that I go through something like this every twenty-two or three years. Seems ridiculous and can't be very healthy. The past should stay buried deep in my sub-conscious but it refuses so to do. My car appears to be under my sub's control and I find myself driving toward my past ... VERY disconcerting., especially since I think of myself as rational and sane ...LOL

Reviews

[Yasmin]

All I can say is that our past makes us who we are not define who we are going to be
I like the story in this piece and the strong emotion as well.
Well done

[Claire Twinn]

Some things just won't stay buried. Perhaps you just need to see past it rather than worry about why?

[Gray Witch]

I agree Claire... and I always do... eventually (s)

[Renée]

Boy I understand this ! Comes when you least expect it.. you captured it well this feeling ....

[Gray Witch]

Thank you but sorry you can understand this so well...(s)

[Renée]

misery love company eh ( ; it is uplifting to know one is not alone

[Gray Witch]

I am writing a novel but have entered it in a contest so it is not longer online.... I have one other story here... Called All's Well that ends"...have you read that?

[Renée]

no..but if you like please send me a request ( :

[CecilA]

Thanks for sharing this poem. I believe what you are experiencing is similiar to my demon: Viet Nam. Most of the time there isn't anything that I'm conscious of that triggers the memory. The Doc says it's PTSD and it's common for those emotional responses to resurface from time to time. We file those horrific events/experiences never to be read again and then BAM, they're Front Page News. You're more fortunate than me; you are rational and sane... I believe addressing the demon face to face is the only effective way to deal with him. I'm not certain that knowing you have friends with similiar problems helps but for what it's worth -

[Gray Witch]

Yes it certainly does help. I wish there were easy answers for everyone stuck in this sort of situation but unfortunately there isn't... The reason I even brought it up was because I could actually feel myself being drawn to him, wanting to talk, to try to try to resolve all the questions I still have. I know this is destructive and dangerous and that the last time I saw him I left with more questions and a deeper hurt than I had before the encounter... But for some reason this happens every 20 or so years... This time it is most likely because I am writing down the story. I should and do hate him but I still feel this connection - our shared history and it scares me........

[Samuel Dickens]

In my view, the re-emergence of this pain is not unusual, but the interval is. Could it be that it happens when you reach certain milestones?

[Gray Witch]

My theory is that since the first time I really tried unsuccessfully to 'out' him was when I was 23 ... that might have something to do with the interval. The next time I saw him was in my office about twenty years later... and now as I strive to finish my "story' it has been another 20-odd years...I'm not sure but this wealth of feelings sure act as a shock to my system and they are hard to deal with even more so as i age...

[Samuel Dickens]

I would imagine your writing about it is a factor. I've had similar experiences with writing, going back, dusting off old memories.

[Gray Witch]

Like the new picture Sam ...

[Samuel Dickens]

I thought of you today, and came back to this poem. How strongly I hope that the passing of time has given you peace.

[Coyote Poetry]

I like the way you told the story in this poem. I wanted to know more. Bad memories can take us down years later. Hard to escape some things. I like the question at the end. Thank you for sharing the excellent poem.
Coyote

[Gray Witch]

Thank you for reading and reviewing. I don't often write poetry but here it seems to be what the majority wish to read...So this is a short, short, short story (ggg)...

[redflutterby]

Powerful feelings in this piece. Just remember you've put alot of distance between you and him. Maybe that child needs to release just like a pressure cooker let's off steam. It could be a safety mechanism. I don't think we can ever truly understand how our subconscious works. Hold on tight...I know u can get through this!!!

[Gray Witch]

Yes. I know I can too... It is just sometimes overwhelming.... for no apparent reason...

[Mr Dunne Poetry]

Oh, wow. I like this a lot. I can really relate to this piece. He will only win, if you let him, stay strong. thanks for sharing GW :)

[Gray Witch]

Thank you. Of course i know you are right but sometimes i just wish I had a fail safe lock I could put on memories....once in that container - never to see the light of day again...

[Mr Dunne Poetry]

You're welcome :) I used to feel the same, with a lot of my miserable memories, though i'm grateful in a way, as it had given me a unique story to tell. And of course, it has made me the man that I am today ;)

[Gray Witch]

Yes, I can see both the benefits and drawbacks...I suppose one's past is really where the uniqueness dwells...