I Miss You

My first story. I'm just trying my hand at writing so I'm open to suggestions, changes, or anything else you may think is necessary.

            Maybe I don’t want to be with you anymore.

That one simple sentence jolts you awake. What the f**k? What time is it? You rub the sleep from your eyes as you focus on your clock. 2:48 AM. It’s not the first time you’ve been woken up by that nightmare, and it certainly won’t be the last. You force yourself to remember every detail you can.

You’re lying in your bed, texting your girlfriend like every night. During the day, she seemed distraught about something, so you wanted to make sure that she was okay. It saddens you to see her like that, so you send her a little text.

“You okay? You seemed upset today and I just wanted to make sure you’re alright…”

Immediately, you start thinking about possible problems. Maybe she’s having friend trouble. No no. It’s probably her parents. She would’ve told me about that. Maybe she’s upset with me. That’s when your phone goes off.

“I’m fine.”

You know she’s not fine. Whenever “fine” pops up in one of your conversations, you know that things are not fine.

“Are you sure? I don’t want you to be upset about anything.”

“Okay.”

“Did I do something?”

“I just don’t want to spend so much time with you.”

What? This took you by surprise. The only time you see each other is during lunch. The last time she came over was last weekend to make Christmas cookies.

“Well we only really see each other at lunch…”

Where is this going? Is she upset with me about something?

“Maybe I don’t want to be with you anymore.”

When you’re done recalling the story, you roll on your back and stare at the ceiling. That night was four months ago, but it still haunts you. As you lay there you think, Why do you do this to yourself? You’re only causing yourself more pain. People tell you just to “get over it” or “there’s plenty of fish in the sea.” F**k you. She wasn’t my fish. She was my goddamn boat. Now I’m just sinking. 3:01. You roll over and slowly fall asleep, hoping you don’t dream of her.

You’re in the hallway at school. Why am I dreaming about school? You spot some friends in front of your teacher's door, so, naturally, you make your way towards them. When you get there, you glance at the door and she’s standing there. The sight of her puts your heart in your feet. Shitshitshitshit. You can feel your hands start to shake when she breaks out into a laugh. You can’t move as she reaches out and scratches under your chin, just like she used to. Her touch is like a drug. You can feel the electricity start from your chin and radiate through your body. What’s going on? She slips her arms around your neck and pulls you in; you can’t help but to wrap her in your arms. As you stand together, she whispers in your ear three words that reduce you to rubble.

“I miss you.” 

Author's Note

I'm open to any kind of suggestions or changes! Just let me know!

Reviews

[ClockTowerKeeper]

There's a slight problem.
Whoa hold up, here me out. Let me just emphasis. "Slight."

I am a heterosexual girl. Yet, I'm reading in a first person dude scenario.
Not cool. Kinda makes my sense of reality hurt. Oh no, the confusion.

Nah, I'm just messing with you. ^w^
My sense of reality is always distorted.. Lol

Any who, I like the story. It's relatable.

My favorite line was when you changed the sense of the meaning: There’s plenty of fish in the sea. Then flipped it saying she was your boat.

I'm a big fan of perspectives. Both the crowds favorite and also the not so favorable. Or in this case, not so experienced. Hence, THE BOAT. Dun Duun Duuuun.

Nice work.

[I Am Svetlana]

I applaud you for this brig your first actual story to be written! Excellent description and my favorite part was how you referred to her as your boat instead of just a fish. I've never really thought of seeing someone in that way before. Breakups aren't easy and nor are they anything fun, they are far from that. But I feel that a majority of break ups happen for one reason or another. And the dreams are always a constant reminder of what that person was and meant to you...no one will understand that entire time together like you will. Your mind won't bother to let you forget it. Every time I have a break up with someone, the first thing I notice is how their name turns up everywhere...I hear it on tv, movies, see it in books, I hear people say the name though I know they aren't referring to that person or it seems that most around me seem to have that name. It's possible to let go, but certain people just aren't meant to be...beautiful story!

[@zeewhykay]

oh my s**t, freakin' happy I fell on this. Well unhappy and happy.

I don't know if this comes from a personal experience from you, or what not, but definitely I'm relating to every word you wrote 200%. In a way, you did your job as a writer, as much as the content reeled me in, your words used also did that.

I'm 23 years old and I just came off my first REAL break up of a REAL relationship. It's a mess. And the worst is the dreams that follow. Been dreaming for almost 2 months, completely out of my control, right ? And every sunrise, morning steals her away from my dreams. I could make so much more progress if it wasn't because of the damned dreams !

So I totally get where you come from. Your finishing punch hit me low, maybe too low, out of breath ! Very powerful. ''She was my boat and now I'm sinking''
Great line, felt that way 200% too. Misery is part of the cocktail of emotions us humans have to deal with on a daily basis.. Sorry for the winded review, but this hit a chord, and your words described this perfectly well, with no obnoxious/arrogant complicated words to fancy up this piece. Well done !!!

[Liam Daniels]

Hey, thanks! This actually did come from experience. I try to keep it as real as I can, but still interesting. Thanks for the review!(:

[LouisianaBird]

Wow, I do have to say that I was a tad bit surprised! For the most part it was all very simply written, which at times is a blessing. I loved the line, "She wasnt my f*****g fish, she was my boat and now Im sinking". In this write I can completly relate to the narrator and feel for him. You speak with profound ease, words that a heartbroken boy is thinking. Well done! Im excited to read more about this!

[Liam Daniels]

Thank you! It means a lot! I'm sure I can conjure up something soon!