Time Isn't Everything

A poem based on the concept of being able to capture time. I hope you enjoy it!

Time Isn't Everything

If I could trap time in a bottle,

I promise I'd use it for good,

I'd give my mom a few more years,

and give my daughters all I could.

I'd tie the bottles in beautiful ribbon,

I'd tie them up in silky bows,

I'd give a lot of them away as gifts,

Or sell them in traveling shows.

Perhaps they'd call me Father Time,

As they came to see my face,

Maybe to get a bottle from me,

Wrapped up in pretty lace.

But all the people I had seen,

Would inevitably fall away,

As I couldn't give time to everyone,

To live another day.

Then I'd sit alone with all my time,

With nothing left but me,

And realize that time isn't everything,

But the people within it, you see.

Author's Note

Thanks for reading! Please feel free to let me know what you think!

(Also feel free to check out my other poem "The Wind Still Needs a Chime" as it is in the same fashion as this piece and hopefully I will be able to create a series of these.)

Extra info on this poem:
1st Place in a WC contest with 62 submissions.
Runner Up in a WC contest with 97 submissions.
2nd Best Poet in a WC contest with 21 submissions.

Reviews

[pia]

this is absolutely amazing. i loved the concept and the portrayal of how time is so important and valuable but at the end of the day. its the people within the time frame who are more valuable
loved th structure and the words you used for such a powerful poem

[Nicholas Duboe]

Thank you very much! I always love the comments I get on this particular piece. I am glad you read it, thank you!

[Heather Jayne]

Cool piece! I like the sentiment a lot :) My favorite line is "I'd give my mom a few more years." I see you used to post on Booksie. I just joined a few days ago.

[agarcia]

Very nice! Enjoyed this a lot.

[Devin Gates]

Wow, this is a FANTASTIC read. I loved this poem a lot. Make this poem go viral!

[Nicholas Duboe]

Thank you so much! I am really glad you liked it :)

[emipoemi]

Another fun gem! With this one, if I may, a couple of notes have risen to my attention:

1. "I'd tie them up in beautiful ribbon" - the "them" is a little obscure....though we end up realizing that it's actually referring to the time/bottles, at the point of coming to the first "them", the last plural noun was "daughters" with "mom" by logic also forming part of the group....so it at first glance, it seems you're tying up your mom and daughters. Since "time" and "bottle" both are singular without any reference of you taking the time of every day respectively and storing it in bottles to then give or sell (or keep). The third line of this stanza is two syllables too wordy for the musicality to handle (and quite frankly, the two syllables in question are also unnecessary to get the point across). Either "as gifts" or "away" could be dispensed with, and the musicality would therefore run smoothly, and you still make the point clear (I'm in favour of dispensing with "away" since "give as gifts" sounds really good to the ear).

2. Stanza 3 - "Perhaps THEY'D call me Father Time" and dispense with "from me" in Line 3 (helps with the musicality).

3. "And realize that time isn't everything" - shorten "realize" to a monosyllabic synonym for you would help the musicality that way.

That is all. This is otherwise very fun, and you have a very good thing going here. Well done!

[Anjali]

this is so creative, the imagination you used in this poem is just mind blowing! truly loved it.

[Nicholas Duboe]

Wow thank you so much! I really appreciate this awesome comment!

[Anjali]

You're welcome!

[Matthew Kult]

Articulately magical

Great Read

Matthew

[Nicholas Duboe]

Thank you for the comment!

[Relic]

A well written poem that will resonate as long as it is posted.

Great job.

[Nicholas Duboe]

Thank you so much. I appreciate it

[Miuberryxx3]

It's an interesting topic that of time...so very sad but also powerful...it makes me wonder how being immortal would be...

[Nicholas Duboe]

Thank you I'm glad you enjoyed it