Chapter 1

I had been breathing enough on the window that I could no longer see clearly through the foggy glass. Dad sat quietly in the front, steering the car down an open road. He hadn't said a word in over an hour and the only thing I heard escape him were soft sighs or grunts. The sky was gray without a single ray of sunshine breaking down through it's rolling clouds. I felt gray. I'm not sure what that means entirely but I think if I was a color, I would be gray. Dr. Samwell told me I needed to write down my thoughts and gave me a notebook and pencil. He told me to write down the things I didn't want to say out loud. I turned away from the window and zipped open my backpack laying on the seat across from me. I removed the notebook, it was a brand new black and white composition book that Dr. Samwell wrote, "Jason" on. I pulled out the pencil he gave me, brand new as well, but it wasn't the classic yellow you'd expect. It was one of those black fancy ones with the green metal holding an also black eraser. I flipped open the composition book to its first page and lowered the pencil down to its evenly spaced lines.

"I think if I was a color, I would be gray."

I closed the book and sat it back in my bag. Turning slightly, I leaned my head against the window and with every breath, the fog returned.

Reviews

[Amaris Grove]

Firstly, I want to commend you on your work. I am very glad you asked me to take a look at it because it is very well done. I am a self-published young adult/fantasy author and I really enjoy reading (and writing) realistic fiction. I like being able to relate to the characters and in just this short segment, I can already feel some of what Jason does. With that being said, I have a few suggestions if you are willing to hear them. :)

While there is no designated length for a chapter, this seems very short. Perhaps you should consider categorizing it as a prologue instead?

Your descriptive words are amazing and used well, but not everything needs to be detailed. "I pulled out the pencil he gave me, brand new as well, but it wasn't the classic yellow you'd expect. It was one of those black fancy ones with the green metal holding an also black eraser." I would recommend just taking out "it wasn't the classic yellow you'd expect" completely, as it's not really necessary.

Don't forget to use new paragraphs, either. The first paragraph should really be about three.

Lastly, ensure you continue with one tense. You began in past tense, switched to present for a few lines, then reverted back to past. I've found keeping in the same tense is often difficult depending on what you are trying to convey, so don't sweat it too much. :)

All in all, I greatly enjoyed this chapter and am about to continue onto the next. I hope you don't mind my tips and keep up the great work!

[Ryan Henderson]

Okay, first of let me just say that this is not what I'm accustomed to reading, let alone reviewing. I read mostly fantasy/fiction books, I almost never read realistic fiction. Now that you understand my personal opinion on the genre, I'll proceed to tell you about the chapter itself.

Just because I dislike the genre, it is not to say that this piece was bad, it wasn't. The chapter had good detail as well as good flow. There were no errors in grammar or spelling, which helped with flow. The quote "If I was a color, I would be grey" forshadowed depression, which was a nice touch. All in all, pretty good piece.

[Nicholas Duboe]

Well I appreciate getting your feedback even if this isnt really your preference. Thank you for taking the time to read it and for the compliments.

[Ryan Henderson]

No problem, it was worth it ;)

[Ryan Henderson]

Oh and the title "Chatper 1" is spelt wrong. It should be "Chapter 1"

[Nicholas Duboe]

Oh lol wow toally missed that simple mistake. Thanks

[Ryan Henderson]

No problem :D

[Amelia May]

Well, you're just an all around writer aren't you? Writing poetry and chapters?! well... I enjoyed this. I seem to be enjoying everything you write.